Life and Times of Sasha Fierce

the one about moving

2010-04-03T16:20:00.001-04:00

so...i am sick of blogger. and switching to bigger and better. PLEASE come follow me at wordpress.

http://lifeandtimesofsashafierce.wordpress.com/

if you are following me, make sure to update your RSS feed. :)

the one where spring is awesome

2010-03-31T23:01:00.002-04:00

i had an excellent night last night. i went to dinner with LS BFF, her BF, l, lo and (unexpectedly) AHS. we had a table outside, a pitcher of margaritas and life was good! it was delightful. then, i had the great idea that i would turn the tables and start catcalling groups of men that were walking by. talk about amazing. i freaking love acting like a man! the men were so surprised when they realized i was hollerin' at them. so cute. :)

then l and i went to patty boom boom for some reggae music. it's a total sweatbox in that place, but we had a good time. the rum punch is a-ma-zing! kind of strong, but totally delicious. AND the bartender was HOT. so...i did what any red blooded gal would do and left him my number on the bill. and he has been texting me all day! it's pretty funny because now i can't remember anything about him except he was hot. and i never introduced myself so he has no idea who he's texting. but it's kind of fun.

i blame all of this on spring fever. yelling at men! leaving numbers for bartenders! what can i say - it's finally nice out!!

the one about unexpected fun nights

2010-03-28T13:08:00.003-04:00

i love nights where you think you aren't going to stay out late, aren't going to drink much, you aren't looking to meet anyone...and then all of the above happens! so last night, i attended a wetting-down party at a local bar. it was pretty awesome, all you could drink beer/wine and all around good times. when my girls and i walked into the bar, we were pretty cold since we had walked there. right when we walked in, a guy came up and introduced himself to us. he said his name was michael. as we were shaking hands, i kind of refused to let his hand go because it was so warm. i told him this and then he really concentrated on warming my hands...it was kinda cute. right off the bat, i liked this guy's style. he had this cute little beret on and it was adorable. we entered the party and proceeded to have a really good time. everyone there was super nice and i got a chance to talk to hand warmer a few times during the evening. i decided early on that i was totally in love with hand warmer. well, not really, but it was fun to say it.

towards the end of the night, i had lost track of hand warmer. i was convinced that he had already left and was slightly bummed. then...he appeared!! somehow, hand warmer, one of the new lieutenants, l, and i all decided that since we were being kicked out of the bar, we needed to move on to another one. so we did. and it was delightful. i learned that hand warmer is an alabama fan! and had even been to some of the same game watch parties that i go to!! seriously, what are the odds? so he is kind of cute, i'm kind of smitten and the night was kind of amazing. here's hoping he calls. :)

the one about my date

2010-03-13T16:04:00.002-05:00

so, last night i went on a date with a guy i met from match. it was fine, but no real sparks. this also is a little superficial, but he has bad teeth. i HATE bad teeth (seriously, ask my friends...i can't handle it). the guy was nice enough, but spent a lot of time talking about how much he hated women/people who were bourgeois...then talked about he was disappointed when he met some woman and she was "just a teacher." i was really not impressed.

then it turns out that he's the little brother of a girl that i went to LS with. this girl was cool, we weren't super close, but definitely friendly. he is VERY different from his sister. she's cool and he's...kind of not. i just really wasn't feeling it. he's a nice enough guy, i guess. except that he told me that an ex had told him that he was verbally abusive. GREAT! just the man i want. honestly, he seemed to have a huge chip on his shoulder. i do not think i'll go out with him again.

but...it could have been worse. he could have been absolutely awful. i guess i'll call this one a good way to get back into the dating scene? back to the drawing board...

the one where it's valentine's day

2010-02-14T21:31:00.002-05:00

it's valentine's day. i have never particularly cared for valentine's day. not because i hate the world or i hate couples or anything like that. i just hate the long waits at restaurants (when i worked at houston's we would run a 3 hour wait on v-day. ridiculous. who WERE those people?!) and i hate that it's categorized as a holiday that women care about so much. my best valentine's day was when the ex and i went to the circus. it was so fun. regardless, it's a big holiday and today two unsettling things happened that forced me to think about valentine's day.

first, the ex sent me a text this afternoon. yes, not earth shattering news, i know. but let me back up. the ex told me not quite a month ago, that his wife was freaking out about us being facebook friends. he would have to defriend me and he might even delete his fb account. keep in mind, that i NEVER write on his call, comment on things he says/posts/etc. we have NO fb contact at all. i am just listed on his friends list. well, i was, at least. after he told me that she was pissed, he defriended me. he also informed me he was pissed about the whole thing and thanks for being understanding, blah blah blah. cut to about 1:45 pm. he sends me a text message wishing me a happy valentine's day. are you freakin' serious dude? it's valentine's day. you are married with twins on the way. the LAST thing i want is to hear from you. sigh.

THEN, the banker calls me. i was so shocked i literally just stared at the phone. he didn't leave a message so i have no idea what he wanted. but i don't understand why all these exes feel the need to text/call on freaking valentine's day. just let me be.

the one about snomg!

2010-02-10T12:14:00.003-05:00

yep. it is snowy as shit out there. it's also windy - like, 40mph windy. yikes! although i've gotten out a fair amount during the blizzard of 2010 (gym, gro., cvs, dinner a few times), i am starting to go a wee bit stir crazy. mainly i'm thinking how much fun it would be to have a snowy booty call. of course, i am on a new thing where i only spend that kind of intimate time with dudes if i really like them. yes, i know. i read that steve harvey book and i have to admit, that steve made sense. so, no more messing around with cocoa k. cocoa k is a decent dude, but i don't really have feelings for him, so why keep faking the funk?

with that being said, sometimes i really wish i could just call someone up to get snowed in with. i'm getting bored, damnit! have you read the weather forecast in dc?! sigh. sometimes being mature sucks.

i will say this, though...if i had some viable recycling options in dc, i'd be so freakin' environmentally friendly right now, it ain't even funny... :)

the one where i couldn't help myself

2010-02-08T08:57:00.003-05:00

i don't normally plug shops, restaurants, bars, etc on my blog. but i am so excited about this new wine/sandwich shop in my hood that i had to share this deal with y'all.

https://deals.livingsocial.com/deals/632?ref=conf-jp&rpi=52532

10 bucks for 25 worth of wine/cheese/meat/etc. yes!

in other news, we just got dumped with over 2 feet of snow in dc. and they are saying that we will get 5-10'' on tuesday night. wow. just wow.

the one about change

2010-02-02T17:33:00.001-05:00

so, faithful readers (yes, all four of y'all)...a few girlfriends and i have started a group blog that you all should check out. i'll probably be updating more over there than here for awhile. see if you can guess which person i am. :)

http://goodgirlsbaddecisions.wordpress.com/

the one about what i'm looking for

2009-12-15T23:57:00.002-05:00

in the words of carrie bradshaw...

i'm looking for love. real love. ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't live without each other love.

and good sex. lots of good sex. :) (okay, that was me, not carrie b. - but i'm sure she'd agree!)

the one about giving thanks

2009-11-25T23:08:00.002-05:00

in honor of thanksgiving, i'd like to take some time and share a few of the things that i am thankful for. i know that i am truly blessed and sometimes its difficult to remember all of the blessings that have i've been lucky enough to receive so sometimes making a list helps.

i am thankful for a roof (actually multiple roofs) over my head and that i never have to wonder where my next meal will come from
i am thankful for family who continuously love and support me
i am thankful for friends who inspire me and are always a comfort
i am thankful for the sweetest little puppy dog in the world
i am thankful for education which has allowed me pursue my dreams
i am thankful for my health
i am thankful to live in the united states. though i am sometimes unhappy with certain things that happen in this country, i recognize that just being born in the u.s. is a blessing and i am thankful for it
i am thankful for our military -- i am awed by the decisions and risks our service members take and i am grateful
i am thankful for dvr. seriously, i love it.
i am thankful all the men i have loved and the men that have loved me. i've learned a lot about myself through those relationships and i wouldn't take back any of it
i am thankful for my 15 year old self keeping a journal so i can look back and reflect on how crazy i was!
i am thankful for hope and the promise of new adventures.

what are you thankful for during the holiday season?

the one about what i miss

2009-10-25T23:37:00.002-04:00

i miss the things that are a given when you are in a relationship. sleepovers, lazy afternoons on the couch watching football, movie nights and making dinner together. i miss the fun routine of knowing that every tuesday you both go out with your friends then meet back up at home. i miss going out together with your collective group of friends and then gossiping about them on the drive home. i miss that wonderfully safe feeling when you are lying in someone's arms and you know that neither one of you would rather be anywhere else.

i had a fantastic weekend and i'm thankful for my friends and my family. but i still miss the aforementioned things :)

the one about speed dating

2009-10-15T12:09:00.002-04:00

oh yeah, you read that right...speed dating. i decided to go ahead and just do it. i figured it'd be fun and worse case scenario, i'd get no dates, but some funny stories. here's hoping i get both...

it basically worked just like on SATC except that the men didn't visibly recoil when i said that i was a lawyer (i admit, i was kind of nervous about it). they had all the women sit behind little tables and then the men rotated every four minutes. i had a blast. there were a few cute guys, one guy who had to be at least 65 and his name was elvin (i thought of elvin on the cosby show) and one guy who was super super creepy. creepy guy was trying to invite me to a party next weekend, told me i was exquisite and then promptly asked why i was not married. i did not feel the need to ask him the same question because it was readily apparent. he then started talking about how black women aren't married because they focus too much on the kingdom and not enough on the king. i then gave him my crazy face. he quickly recanted and tried to pass it off as a joke. i still don't know what the fuck he was talking about. thank god four minutes goes quickly.

i'm hoping i get matched with one of the cuties that were there...i'll keep everyone posted :)

the one where i'm wondering...

2009-09-27T16:08:00.001-04:00

is it wrong that i sometimes listen to pachebel's canon in d multiple times on repeat? because i do. :)

the one about time and space

2009-09-20T18:31:00.004-04:00

it is approaching october which means many different things for me. it means my birthday (yay!), fall, halloween and this year it means a year since the Banker and i broke up. and it's been an eventful year. in terms of the Banker and i, there have been many ups and downs. i struggled to maintain a friendship with him and then cut him off when i realized that maintaining a friendship with him didn't seem possible. and now, of course, he's back. not completely back, but he has contacted me and expressed in an interest in rebuilding our friendship.

at first i was taken aback by his message. i have so many conflicting emotions regarding the Banker. i truly fell in love with him and i was pretty upset after it didn't work out. i was more upset when i felt like i had been lied to after we broke up. i felt that his behavior after our break up was reprehensible. honestly, my feelings were hurt. and i felt (and still feel) that if we were going to be friends, he'd have to truly make amends and acknowledge (at a minimum) what he did was wrong.

so i don't know what's going to happen. obviously, a good deal of time has passed and we now have this physical buffer between us. i just don't want to get sucked back in and then feel like an idiot for giving him a chance to be involved in my life again. i know that some of my friends (i'm looking at you, AHS) don't understand why i even care or why i'm even giving the Banker the time of day. and to them all i can say is that i love hard. and i give second (and third and fourth) chances. but i do learn from them. i'm not saying i'm going to go hop on a plane and visit the Banker. but the things about him that i loved are still there and if we can find a way to navigate through our past and the hurt feelings and the confusion and develop a friendship, i think i'd really enjoy that.

the one about my love for school

2009-09-18T14:38:00.002-04:00

if you know anything about me you know that i have an incredible amount of love for the previous two educational institutions i attended. i will forever love and support agnes scott and i will always treasure my time at uva law. when i began my ll.m. at au washington college of law i told myself that i wasn't going to let this new school creep into my heart and pocketbook. i already in very involved with my two alma maters and really don't have the time or energy to love another educational institution. and i still maintain that stance. i am not involved in the wcl community like i was involved during either law school or college. however, i am really starting to appreciate the level of professor involvement and interest at wcl. to begin with, every class i'm taking has 15 or less students in it. now, i took small classes at uva also. i think the difference is that now i'm so much more focused on my schoolwork that i'm truly taking an interest in the material and i think my professors appreciate it. i've had such wonderful experiences thus far, and it's only been a few weeks.

i have to say, wcl, you may not ever be my beloved agnes or uva law...but you are earning my respect.

the one about second, third and fourth chances

2009-09-16T10:01:00.002-04:00

as predicted by Agnes, the Banker texted me yesterday. nothing serious, just a very short "i guess we are no longer friends? i had hoped we could build a friendship. football season made me think about you, i hope you are well." i was taken by surprise bc i haven't heard from the Banker probably since june and i haven't actually responded to any of his messages, phone calls, etc since feb. for a second, i wanted to write him back. especially bc i've been thinking about him since football season began as well. the Banker really is the person who helped to create my passion for alabama football (roll tide!) and i am grateful for that. i've missed his commentary on games and the obsessive way he watches every single television program that even mentions nick saban's name. but...i decided to cut him out of my life for a reason. it wasn't a decision i made lightly and it's not a decision that he can cause me to completely reevaluate just because its football season and he misses me.

so, i don't think i'm going to respond. at least not yet. what i may do is write him a letter explaining why i have no desire to be friends with him. but i know that doing that will just drag on this discussion of "why can't we be friends?" unless and until the Banker owns up to some of the shitty stuff he did, i will not believe a word that comes out of his mouth. i simply don't trust and i think he is way too selfish to understand that. anyway, i'm going to mull it over for a couple of days and then see how i feel.

the one about PDA

2009-09-03T12:56:00.002-04:00

so, i apparently am on the same class schedule with this couple at school. it's clear that they are a couple because they hold hands every second they are together. they hold hands while walking through crowded halls. they hold hands while on a crowded elevator. they hold hands walking down a narrow staircase (seriously, i'm not making this up). they even hold hands while studying together in the library. it grosses me out. and not because hand holding is gross. i like to hold hands and don't think anything of holding hands with my good friends (as AHS can attest to, since i tried to make him hold my hand for the whole walk to the metro last week). but it's gross to be THAT dependent on someone else that you can't let their hand go for a second. seriously, a few days ago when i saw the hand holding while they were studying together, i am pretty certain i gave them my crazy face. i usually try and reserve crazy face for something really truly odd. or for random men on the train/street/bus, but i couldn't help it.

what's the craziest PDA you've seen?

ps - i realize i've taken to asking questions at the end of my posts. it's probably just a phase. i also am writing shorter posts bc it takes so much time to write longer pieces and i would really like to get more posts up. just like coach says at boot camp: "it's about quantity. pump em out!"

the one about music

2009-09-02T22:02:00.001-04:00

i am slightly obsessed with music. there is something about songs that can just take me to a different place. sometimes its the melody, sometimes its a particular chord, sometimes its the lyrics and sometimes its the combination but the best songs (and sometimes the worst) just transport me to a particular memory, a person or an experience.

i also do this weird thing where when i hear really great lyrics, i envision a movie playing out in the background. i can't tell you how many 5 minute movie scenes i've come up with in my head based on a sentence or two in a song. does anyone else do this?? or is it just me?

the one where i borrow someone words

2009-08-31T23:18:00.002-04:00

i plan to write more on this later (or maybe not, i am a student now, ya know!) but i thought that this post encapsulates a lot of my feelings on catcalls.

and to be fair bc i'm pretty sure someone will mention this, i have said that the day i walk down the street and people act like i'm not there will be a sad day. but i DO NOT like "baby girl", "shorty", "eh ma", etc. a simple hello or a "you look nice today" is appreciated. starring straight at my boobs is not.

the one...just not the one for me

2009-08-14T00:05:00.002-04:00

the Ex is getting married today. i don't really know what to say about it or how to describe exactly how i feel. the Ex and i have been over for quite awhile. but for a long time (about 4.5 years) i thought that the Ex was THE ONE. and even after it was over, i must admit that the thought of us eventually getting back together has always been way way in the back of my head.

i'm not sure if i've spoken about what has transpired between the Ex and i in the past few months, and to be honest i don't really feel like getting into it. suffice to say that i told him that i thought it was inappropriate for us to keep hanging out and him not tell his fiance. i told him he had to handle this situation one way or the other. i took his resounding silence as a sign that he had decided to handle it -- by cutting me out of his life. just as i was dealing with that, he sent me a text message, inquiring about my life, my parents, etc. i never responded. i just couldn't. but i hate it. i just hate the way things are between the Ex and i these days. i hate, hate, HATE not having him in my life at all. not responding to his text message was difficult. but i felt like we were sneaking around (even though it was always innocent) and it wasn't right. until he addresses my concerns, i just can't deal with him.

but i hate it. and now he's getting married and i've known this day was coming for a long long time but i am still not prepared. would i ever be? would you? and then i'm torn and wondering if i should send him a card? a gift? a text message? what is the appropriate thing to do when THE EX is getting married to a woman who hates you (even though you've never met)?? i just don't know.

i know that part of the reason i'm so sad is that the Ex marrying someone else represents the end of a period of time for me. i am smart enough to realize that a lot of this is me just mourning the past. i know that. but some of this is just me being plain sad. it is sad to think of someone who you loved so much -- someone who you are no longer in love with but you do still love -- walking down an aisle and saying timeless vows to another woman. i wonder if i would feel better if i was 100% certain that he is happy with her. maybe, maybe not. is he happy with her? he never sounds like it when we talk. but maybe he's doing that bc he thinks it would hurt me to imagine him happy with another woman. who knows? so many questions. i'm just going to do my best to get through today.

the one.

2009-08-10T00:13:00.002-04:00

carrie bradshaw said it best when she asked, "when will waiting for the one be done?" it's an interesting concept. is there just "one" __________ (fill in the blank) for each of us? one perfect job, one perfect house, one perfect city, one perfect man? what if you think you've lost that one perfect ____________? then what? are you resigned to spend the rest of your life looking back and wondering what could've been? or do you draw up a new plan, adapt and move on?

i've asked myself that question a lot lately. i am trying to be more open to the idea that maybe what i think is the one, is...not. i think that as you get older you have such expectations for your life and it can be shocking when you take a step back and see that what you thought your life would be is not quite the case. and not even in a negative light. for example, i certainly never imagined i'd be going back to school for another degree at the age of 26. i didn't imagine living in dc and although i don't think i thought much about relationships (i just assumed i'd still be with the Ex i think), i know that i didn't anticipate not being in one.

so what do i now think about the concept of "the one?" i don't know. all i know is that i'm still figuring it all out and i think that's the beauty of it all. for once, i accept the fact that i have no idea what's going to happen in a year, in two years, or even in two months, really. and i'm okay with that...at least i'm trying to be :)

the one about my car

2009-07-31T21:45:00.003-04:00

or rather, how i haven't driven it all week. :) i LOVE living walking distance to so many things. and if i can't walk, i can take a bus/train/etc. it's wonderful. it's great to be back in a city. i loved living downtown while i was in birmingham and i love living in a city again. the dog and LS BFF's cats haven't killed each other yet, which is another positive.

i start school again in a few weeks, which i'm so excited about. i think it's going to be awesome and i'm pumped. oh, and i (along with a few coworkers, Lifeboat and LS BFF) begin boot camp in a couple of weeks, so prepare for the hottness. yeah, i said it. you think i'm hot now, wait til i get my ass kicked 3x a week, for 4 weeks... :)

the one about my new hood

2009-07-27T17:58:00.003-04:00

i've moved! it's official. on friday, the dog and i picked up and moved 22 miles into washington, d.c. we love it. we're just about unpacked and i now have a 15 minute (thanks lifeboat!) commute to work which is awesome. i am also less than a mile from u street, which everyone knows i'm obsessed with. all in all, i'm pretty freakin' happy. i promise i'll be back soon with a longer post and some more interesting stories :)

the one about my move

2009-07-13T21:43:00.003-04:00

i am moving! yay! the dog and i are moving in with LS BFF very very soon. we're going to start taking small boxes over there next week and am planning on moving the big stuff (bed, dresser, etc) next weekend. anyone want to help? anyone have a truck and want to help?? AHS, i'm looking at you :) i'll provide the pizza/beer, you provide the manpower.

alternatively, i'll see how Lifeboat likes her movers and go from there. it's been great kicking it with the parents (seriously, it has been) but i'm so SICK of that f-in commute. i'm exhausted every day when i get home. i'm really looking forward to a shorter commute. yay for city life!

the one about school pt 2

2009-07-07T21:43:00.002-04:00

for all y'all who are like me and curious, here is the link to my program...

the one about school

2009-07-07T20:51:00.003-04:00

so...awhile back, i decided that since the search for permanent work wasn't going swimmingly, i would apply to get an llm at american university. they have an llm program in law and government and within that program, there is a concentration in civil and constitutional rights. i kind of applied on a lark and at the last minute. but, amazingly, i got in!

so...next month, i'm a student again! i know it won't be easy, but i'm really excited and looking forward to learning more, getting an externship and using my brain again. i get christmas break! and spring break! and the chance to learn! did i mention spring break???? :)

although, nerdy as it may be, i must admit, the thing i'm most excited by is being able to schedule classes!!! i LOVE scheduling classes. it's kind of my favorite thing ever. holla!!

the one about facebook

2009-06-28T22:26:00.002-04:00

i enjoy facebook as much as the next person, but i have to say that i REALLY enjoy on nights where something big is happening on television and you can follow all your friends thoughts on whatever it is you're watching. for example, tonight i'm watching the BET music awards. as with most awards shows, its a little bit ridiculous and a lot of fun and i'm loving reading what all my friends are thinking as they watch the show. so fun!

that's all for now :)

the one about michael jackson

2009-06-27T21:08:00.002-04:00

like most of the world, i loved michael jackson. his music was the soundtrack to my child. my older sister got me hooked and i never let go. michael jackson's bad world tour in 1988 was my very first concert. i was six years old and it was amazing. sadly, michael was also a seriously troubled man and i'm happy that he's finally at peace. he changed the music world forever. not to mention what he did for race relations. many people forget that back when he started producing his music videos, mtv only showed rock videos. they initially were not interested in mj's videos. ha, that soon changed. michael jackson was an amazing artist and i'm thankful that i can say that i saw him live. i'm confident that his music will continue to live on.

in no particular order, here are some of my favorite mj songs:

dirty diana -- that line where he sings "she said he's not coming back because he's sleeping with me" was ridiculous. even at a young age, i knew that this diana lady was up to no good.
pyt -- i will forever and always love pyt. such a classic
man in the mirror
billie jean -- again, just like with dirty diana, i knew that mj had ran across some sketchy ladies.
don't stop til you get enough -- just the intro music to this song is enough to make me run out to the dance floor.
beat it -- the dancing!!
smooth criminal -- that video was so freakin' sick. absolutely incredible.
off the wall -- LOVE it
and of course, wanna be startin' something!

the one about what i want/need

2009-06-21T20:11:00.003-04:00

i think that a lot of people are sort of vague about what they want, or more importantly, what they need in relationships. i know that i've been guilty of that in the past. but the wonderful thing is that with each passing relationship, i've become more and more clear about who i am, what i want and what i need. so at this point, i have a pretty good idea.

what i need:

a man who has a college education. call it snobby, call it judgmental, call it what you want. i've dated a man who did not go to college and there were problems. the fact that he didn't go to college didn't really bother me, but he was always throwing my education back in my face. like in a fight, he'd say things like "well, i didn't go to [insert name of my college/law school] and so i must be an idiot." dealing with his inferiority complex got old REAL quick
a man with an opinion. if you know me, you know i am quite opinionated. i like trading ideas and hearing what others think. if a man's standard response to questions is "i don't know", then it ain't gonna work.
a man who is confident. i have a strong personality and i need someone who is not afraid to call me out on my shit. i am aware that this is what i need. if i intimidate you, then it won't ever work. if you aren't confident, then i will run all over your ass. it sounds terrible, but, hey, at least i acknowledge it :)
a considerate man. of course, like most outgoing people, i still have insecurities and want to be appreciated. i can't handle rudeness. i got over dating "bad boys" in high school.
a man who likes dogs. or at the very least likes my dog. sasha fierce is a huge part of my life and if you can't get down with that, it won't work. sasha fierce is awesome and if you don't appreciate that, we won't get along.
a man who has his life together. shit doesn't have to be perfect, but i'm not interested in hanging around while you "find yourself".
i need a man who loves food as much as i do. need i say more?
my friends are a big part of my life and i want my man to love that and to love my friends.
that being said, i want to know your friends, too. i want to be a part of your life if we are going to be together.
i need someone who is willing to make time for me. i require attention. i am going to want to talk to you everyday if we are in a relationship. i'm going to want to hang out with you a couple times a week if we're in a relationship. if we never see each other and we never talk, then why am i dating you exclusively? i don't think i'm crazy about this and am usually pretty laid back about it. suffice to say that if consistently text me on thursdays asking to kick it at 10pm on a friday night, we won't work out. does that make sense?

anyway, that's the basics. obviously, a lot of things go into compatibility -- these are just a few things that are important to me.

the one about food

2009-06-14T19:17:00.002-04:00

as you all know, i love food. i enjoy eating, and sharing a meal with friends and family is one of my greatest pleasures. lately i've been thinking a lot about food. specifically, i've been thinking about how disconnected we are from the food we purchase and eat every day. i wonder if it's possible for me to bridge this gap. i would love to eat only organic, locally sourced food. is this possible? my dad and i grow our own herbs in the backyard, which is a great start. but in thinking over my daily routine (making a lunch to take the office, eating dinner, snacks) i have difficulty seeing how i could possibly only purchase organic or locally produced items and be able to afford it. what i think would be awesome is if dc had a daily farmers market. similar to the the dekalb farmers market in decatur, about a mile from the agnes scott campus. the dekalb farmers market is amazing. it's open 7 days a week, and it's a place where you know you can go and buy local, organic produce, meat, seafood, etc. and it's very reasonably priced. i could afford it as a college student. there is nothing similar in the dc area that i know of. so since i don't live in atlanta and absolutely can not afford whole foods on a weekly basis (although i really wish i could -- that place is like crack; so addictive), what can i do? i do visit farmers markets around the area, but wish there was a daily option. oh, i guess there is eastern market. i've never visited during the week, so i'm not sure about their meat and produce options. has anyone ever visited eastern market during the week? perhaps i'll go this week and check it out and see if it matches my deakalb farmers market...

the one about my new dating rules

2009-06-13T13:49:00.002-04:00

i've decided that from now on out i'm only dating pre-screened men. the thought behind this is that my friends know me pretty well. they know what i'm apt to like/dislike/find attractive/put up with/etc. particularly my long term friends. if one of these friends recommends a guy, then i can safely assume that he's at least personable, decent looking, doing something with his life and reasonably intelligent.

so, i guess the next question is, what if i meet an awesome guy while out at a restaurant/bar/etc? will i give him a chance? sure. but in general, unless the man comes stamped with a "quality" sticker, i'm probably not going to waste my time. i'm not that pressed to be with someone -- i actually enjoy spending time alone, with my puppy and with my family and friends. this little stretch of time post the Banker is the longest i've been single since law school. and i have to say it hasn't been bad at all. i've kind of enjoyed it. occasionally i'd like to have a guy to take to various events, etc. but overall, no complaints :)

the one where i wish i could say something...

2009-05-26T23:30:00.002-04:00

the ex is getting married in august. i've known this for over a year and when i first heard he was engaged, i was honestly thrilled for him. okay, maybe thrilled is a bit strong, but i was genuinely happy for him. well, that was back in 2008. now it's 2 months before the wedding and i don't like it. for many reasons:

i do not think he is ready to marry this woman. i saw the ex when i was in atlanta for my college reunion and he did not appear in the least like a man who was excited to be getting married in a few months. he told BFF and i how he and his fiance haven't had relations in forever. i mean, really?! first, the fact that he told us is a big sign. why on earth would you share that information with your ex girlfriend and her best friend?? second, why the heck aren't they behaving like rabbits?? from what i've heard, the sex is supposed to go AFTER you are married, not before. i know from experience with the ex that no loving = NOT a happy relationship.
going along with number 1, the ex sent a few inappropriate texts that weekend while i was in atlanta. nothing crazy, just things that i know his fiance would not appreciate.
of course, an obvious reason i don't like it is just because. the ex and i went through hell and back together and though i know its over and have moved on, it is incredibly strange that he is marrying someone else.

the other piece of this puzzle is that the ex's fiance absolutely hates me and everything i stand for. we've never met but she despises me. and i get that. however, it means that when the ex and i meet up for lunch or whatnot, he's sneaking around to do it. after what happened in atlanta, i decided that i was not comfortable with that anymore. i kind of figured it would just taper off, because let's be honest, i'm not in atlanta THAT much anymore and he's rarely up in dc. but of course, because this is my life, i received an email from him a few days back stating that he'll be in MD in june and would like to see me. he then said that he wasn't sure if it was possible and he'd have to see if he could "sneak out". i wrote back that i would love to see him but questioned why he had to sneak out and if we would have to be friends "on the down low" for the rest of eternity. he hasn't responded yet. i'm not surprised.

the thing is, the ex is a good man. he's not a cheater, a bad person, or a sneaky guy. that's part of why his behavior is so troublesome. i don't like it and i think its indicative of some deep rooted trust issues in his relationship. of course, his current behavior makes that not a shocking observation.

the one where i was thinking of you

2009-05-15T00:10:00.002-04:00

i can't articulate the words, but luckily doria roberts has done it for me:

sitting looking through pictures

i come across your face

just one look and i'm reeling

got my thoughts all over the place

i'm gathering the courage

now i'm dialing your phone

thank god there's no answer

thank god you're not home

what would i say?

what would you do?

if i had said, well i was thinking of you

so i'm left with the questions

of what had become of our love

did it wither and dry like the dust in the wind in the summertime?

or is it a legend like the stars up above?

but now i have to pinch myself

bring it back to reality

you're no longer in my picture

you no longer belong to me

thinking of you...

the one about the biggest loser

2009-05-12T21:45:00.002-04:00

okay, so i love the biggest loser. a lot. i'm kind of obsessed with it and it's definitely one of my favorite shows. and although a LOT of my friends make fun of me and my obsession, i truly believe it's a quality show. this is why:

it's a reality show about something positive. don't get me wrong, i love trashy "reality" shows like the hills, the real housewives series, etc. but it's nice to settle in every tuesday night with a show that's about something we can all relate to: losing weight.
bob and jillian are awesome. i have been doing the new biggest loser bootcamp video and that shit is tough. bob kicks ass. jillian isn't on the video, but watch the show. she kicks ass too.
the show freaking saves lives. i am often brought to tears seeing the transformations that take place on the show. it's incredible and such a good reminder of what some good ole fashioned hard work can do. everyone wants a quick fix for losing weight, but there is none. surgery doesn't always work. extreme diets can't last. but working out and eating healthfully works. and this show proves that time and time again.

love it!

the one about gay marriage

2009-04-30T19:37:00.002-04:00

most of you have probably heard about carrie prejean, the miss california who did not win miss america in part because she came out against same-sex marriage. i've managed to mostly stay above the fray, but today i came across a new ad that the national organization for marriage is airing, and i felt the need to comment.

i've never understood why people are so strongly opposed to gay marriage. i respect and understand folks religious reasons (i am a follower myself) but think it's very interesting and convenient to cherry pick portions of the bible to follow strictly. my feelings have always been that god doesn't rank sin, so why do we spend so much time focusing on gay marriage, when lying is a sin, not listening to your parents is a sin, etc. so in an effort to understand more, i poked around on the nat'l org. for marriage's website for some background about why they are so opposed.

i came across some talking points that the site advises its supporters to use. however, i found very little substance. for example, when asked "what about benefits?" those against same-sex marriage are supposed to declare that: "it's not about benefits." well, that's all nice and good...except it IS largely about benefits. as we all know, there are significant tax benefits for married couples, not to mention issues of health care, hospital visitations, etc. it is ridiculous to just dismiss those issues. when asked "what the harm" is, those against same-sex marriage are supposed to say that the "harm lies in taxpayers being unable to define marriage as between a man and a woman." um, okay. so again, where's the harm?

i find it so frustrating that we can continue to legally stop same-sex couples from marrying. even if you don't agree with a gay lifestyle (which is a whole other issue, bc honestly, who gives a fuck if you agree or not? i don't care if people agree with my personal choices in regards to my sex life), again, i have to ask what is the harm in allowing two consenting adults to marry? i have yet to hear any cognizant arguments that have any substance articulating why same-sex marriage should be illegal. *

i am particularly troubled bc research shows that african-americans disagree with same-sex marriage at a significantly higher rate than whites. i fail to understand the distinctions between loving v. virginia (the case that declared interracial marriage constitutional some 50 [yes, you are reading that correctly, just 50] odd years ago) and the fight against gay marriage now.

i guess my bottom line is - why do YOU personally care whether a gay couple can go to a courthouse and leave with a marriage license?

*outside of religious arguments, which have no place in a discussion about legality, since we have a legal separation of church and state. and to those who want to cite bible verses condemning same-sex marriage, please don't. i have read the verses. i understand what the bible says. but i still have trouble reconciling my christanity with a proscription against two consenting adults marrying. i'm working on ironing that all out. :)

the one about things i love

2009-04-26T18:04:00.003-04:00

i love:

hot days. i complain, but secretly i love when it is socially acceptable to be half naked in public due to the heat.
being single. again, i complain, but there is nothing more fun than the promise of someone new.
long lost friends discovering me on facebook. that first look at someone's profile is thrilling. i love it.
having a dog. nothing better, i swear.
summer eating. light meals, lots of seafood, delicious tomatoes. yummy!
agnes scott college.
lazy days that seem to stretch on forever.
pineapple. especially if eaten in hawaii.
summer dresses. holla!
karaoke. i will never tire of it.

the one where i am so conflicted

2009-04-19T22:48:00.002-04:00

this past weekend, i was in atlanta attending the agnes reunion. it was wonderful. i still am exhausted. between all the drinking, dancing (saturday night we went to opera - and it was awesome! the dj loved michael jackson and really a club can't get better than that in my mind), food poisoning (oh yeah. it was gross) and admiring the campus, it was a really busy weekend.

but that's not what's on my mind right now. i saw the ex this weekend, albeit briefly. it was just strange. i haven't had enough time to process my thoughts on the whole thing but i have definitely been thinking about it nonstop. i just don't think he is ready to marry this woman in august and that makes me sad. i also feel conflicted because i would be happy if he didn't marry this woman. of course i would never say any of this to him. i think i am just confused because when i was with him, i still felt things. and then he said things to me which were kind of not the kinds of things a happily engaged man should say to any woman, particularly his ex. so, i apparently still have these feelings and it's pointless and ridiculous and sad because he's freaking engaged! i also kind of think that my feelings are magnified because i'm not currently dating anyone. of course, i will always care about him. and probably always have feelings. it just makes me feel a little bummed that he's probably going to marry someone and he's not ready.

i guess too, as his wedding date gets closer, it's becoming real to me. when he first got engaged (about a year ago) it was very abstract. but now, it's really happening. and, i'll be honest, it's kind of shitty when the man you had your best relationship with to date is about to getting married and you...aren't. and you know, i don't regret breaking up w/him all those years ago bc i was 21 and wasn't ready. but in moments like these, i just wonder. i think i always thought that the ex would be around when/if i was ready. i guess i took that for granted. but the other hard part is that i know (he has told me) that he still feelings as well. the worse part is i don't even know what i want. all i know is i don't want him to get married.

i think that's all i have to say about this right now.

the one about AGNES!

2009-04-15T23:17:00.002-04:00

as most of you know, i absolutely LOVE my college. i had the best experience and adore all things agnes. well, tomorrow i get to go back and live life like it's 2004! amazingly, tomorrow begins my reunion weekend at good ole agnes -- 5 years! and am i excited? i'm freaking like a kid on christmas eve. so, you might ask, what kinds of things will we be doing this weekend? well, here's a few:

singing "beer beer beer for ol agnes scott. you bring the whiskey, i'll bring the scotch" with current students and other alumna, ranging in age from 22 to 82, most of them drunk. i'm not joking.
touring our beautiful campus.
throwing recently engaged classmates in our alumni pond. it's a great tradition i hope to carry out myself someday :)
drinking. lots of drinking.
and lots, lots, lots more!

i can't wait to see all my girls. a bunch of us are staying w/agnes and c. mimmy. soo freaking fun!

the one every girl hates

2009-04-13T22:19:00.003-04:00

last week, i pulled an old pair of jeans out of my closet and *attempted* to put them on. okay, they fit. but they did NOT fit how they fit when they were originally purchased. yuck. so, i took myself on a run friday night. of course, i went out way too fast and could barely walk on saturday. i ran again sunday and would like to go tomorrow provided the rain stops. i freaking hate gaining weight. i attribute a lot of it to living at home. my mother has a ridiculous sweet tooth and buys all kind of tempting crap. and if it's there, i'll eat it. which is why i don't buy shit when i live alone. so, thanks mom for making me gain 5 pounds. :) (okay, i'm joking. i don't blame my mom. i blame my lack of willpower and cold weather. mainly the lack of willpower.)

luckily for me, it's now getting warmer and i can actually work out. i've also just pretty much stopped going into the cabinets except to get cereal. it's the only safe thing there.

and, just on a random other note -- i'm watching the hills and wtf is up w/all these random shots of women's asses??

oh - one last thing. i've nixed the idea of travelling to NYC for a special recycling trip. good advice friends :)

the one about my "practice" for the amazing race

2009-04-12T22:38:00.003-04:00

so my BFF and i have decided to apply for the amazing race. in order to practice for the show (bc i'm so SURE we'll get chosen, lol), i've come across this. it looks like a little baby, one day amazing race. and it looks super super fun. running all across dc, figuring out clues? tee shirts? crazy costumes? i'm so in! who wants to do it with me??

oh, and if you're wondering i am NOT kidding :)

the one about recycling

2009-04-10T14:19:00.004-04:00

so, as most of you know, i've been single since late october. which, since it's now early april, means that it's been awhile. i have always liked the concept of recycling, if at all possible. i like that i'm not introducing someone new into the mix and i already know what to expect. i've successfully recycled before during LS when times were tough. it was the perfect setup. CL (recycle boy) and i had hooked up midway through the last semester of 3L year. it ended kind of badly but then we were able to recover and remain friends. graduation weekend, we were both crazy busy and stressed w/our respective families about to come into town. so, 2 nights before graduation, we recycled each other. and it was nice. a good way to say goodbye :)

so now, i want to recycle. i'm not dating anyone and i don't do random hookups. but who to recycle? definitely am not recycling the Banker or the other loser i dated in bham. no one else lives in dc. probably the closest person (distance-wise) is CL and i don't particularly wish to travel to NYC to recycle someone. or do i? sigh.

are we in agreement that i should not travel across state lines for the sole purpose of some recycled booty? i think i'm pretty much closing the book on this one and resigning myself to wait until i actually have a boyfriend again. double sigh. actually, i take back that sigh. i do like being single. i just don't like not being able to scratch the itch :)

the one about the real sasha fierce...

2009-04-07T21:40:00.003-04:00

and i ain't talkin about beyonce. my mini doxie, sasha, is one of the best things in my life. first of all, she's cute as a button. seriously. look at that picture. but in addition, having a puppy gave my life a certain level of responsibility and structure that feels good. i suppose it's similar to having children in that respect, but much easier :) i mean, even when things are bad, when i feel kind of down, because of sasha, life goes on. sasha still needs to eat, drink, pee and poop. and thus, because my puppy needs to continue business as usual, i continue business as usual. but really -- who could be sad when looking at that face??!

the one about dating

2009-04-01T21:13:00.002-04:00

...and by the one, i mean the 50th one about dating :). i've decided to issue a challenge/request to my friends. as well all know, i'm pretty fabulous. :) i think i'm just about ready to meet a man who is just as fabulous. and, my friends are pretty freaking fabulous as well. so, it only makes sense that my fabulous friends introduce me to their other single fabulous men friends. so, i'm asking: if you live in the dc area (i'm not doing long distance), think of one super fabulous friend that you think i would get along with. once you have that friend in mine, let's go out and get a drink.

i figure i probably have about 10-15 dc area friends who read this blog. so that's 10-15 introductions. seems like a good place to start to me :) especially since i couldn't go to the libel show this year and meet my future husband at uva (ahem, LS BFF!)...

alright. the challenge is there! go team!

the one about commuting

2009-03-24T20:17:00.002-04:00

you may have noticed i've been posting less. that would be because i'm perpetually exhausted thanks to my 2+ hour (roundtrip) commute each day. the good news is i'm making money - working as a temp attorney doing document review. the bad news is the commute makes me ready for bed by about 7:30pm. boo to the commute. i don't know how people do this on a regular basis. once i get a permanent job (still working on it, but am beginning to schedule interviews) i'll be looking for a place in the district. i am supposed to be moving in with LS BFF in august but i don't think i can wait that long, unfortunately. i feel like an old lady! i need to reclaim my life! damn you, commute!

oh, but i will say that the metro provides for some interesting experiences. this afternoon i was almost up close and personal w/some dude's junk. GROSS. luckily he moved before i had to say: "um, excuse me, sir? do you mind removing your penis from my eye? thanks." if it sounds gross to you, imagine how i felt sitting there. yuck.

the one where i confess

2009-03-20T19:48:00.002-04:00

i have a confession to make. i'm a single 26 year old who has been living at home since feb. 1... and i've kind of enjoyed it. there. i said it. i thought that living at home temporaily was going to suck, to be honest. but it's been a pleasant surprise. the Parents have helped out with the dog, given me money (holla!) and in general been cool. my mom and i have done a ton of touristy things around the city, which is fun. and i think it's given mom and i a chance to really improve our relationship. not that it's ever been awful, but it's no secret that i've always been a daddy's girl.

so, all in all, it's been a pretty good deal. of course, the second i get a permanent job -- i am OUT! :) after all, i can't be at home forever, right? :)

the one that's kind of depressing

2009-03-16T20:13:00.002-04:00

yesterday while reading the wapo, i came across this great article. about 3% of d.c. residents are known to have hiv/aids. that's a higher rate than west africa. and that's just known cases. that's horrifying.

but, lucky for me, i'm not sharing beds with anyone other than my puppy. :)

the one about the anatomy of a breakup

2009-03-16T00:38:00.002-04:00

there is this line in a pink song where she wonders: "how did we get so mean? how do we just move on?" i was listening to it this evening and i started wondering the same things. how do you go from thinking you could marry someone to refusing to take their phone calls? is it as simple as saying that they simply were not the "one"? or is it deeper than that? is it that they somehow betrayed your trust or let you down just too many times? and even so, why do thing sometimes get so ugly?

i used to pride myself on the fact that i stayed friendly with people that i dated. i figured there was something about them that i like initially and even if things didn't work romantically, there was no reason we couldn't maintain a friendship. however, i've recently begun to change my philosophy on that. after the loser and i broke up, i had NO desire to see him, talk to him, or even here how he was doing. to be painfully honest, i was just pleased to be done with him. and though it took a little longer, i now feel the same about the Banker.

how did i get to that point? am i getting cynical and bitter as i get older? or, am i getting smarter by putting distance between myself and the men i've dated? who can say what the best method of dealing with a breakup is?

the one about dating

2009-03-05T23:56:00.002-05:00

i just read this excellent article speaking about steve harvey's dating tips for women. i actually really like steve harvey and think he's super funny. i enjoyed the article and i think that steve is right. one of the main things that stuck with me was about standards and expectations. men will rise to the standards you set if they really want you. and if they don't, you don't want em anyways.

i recognize that in the past i probably wasn't picky enough and i'm actively changing that. the Banker is an asshole? he's cut off. match guy doesn't walk to the metro and then texts me (and you all KNOW how i feel about text message dating) thursday to ask about plans for friday? no way. i told him i was busy all weekend. and for him, i am.

not to sound like a jerk. i'm not. but, as i've said before, i don't think it's too much to ask for a man to not ask me out via text message. and to not ask me out on a thursday for a friday evening. of course it isn't. and my future husband won't ;)

the one about my date!

2009-03-05T09:30:00.003-05:00

so last night i went on my date with match guy. we met here (well not at ben's actually, but at ben's next door, their new lounge which doesn't have its own website yet). so we were supposed to meet at 8. well, i actually specified 8ish, to give myself a few minutes breathing room b/c i've never metro'ed it to the u street station. i was told by some friends that it was probably the easiest thing.

so, dressed in skinny jeans, brown boots and a cute red sweater top, i headed off. to begin with, just as i was dashing up the steps at the new carrllton station, i missed the freaking train. ugh. so i had to wait 12 minutes to catch the next one. at that point, i was pretty sure i was going to be late. luckily match guy texted me and said he was running a little late. i was like, excellent. although i was really hoping to beat him so i could down a drink before he got there. yeah, that didn't happen. i was about 25 minutes late. which sucked, but i couldn't help it. when i missed that train i was fucked. however, i did manage to catch some howard university frat guys doing a little mini step show on my way out of the train station. that was pretty cool.

once i arrived at next door, i was in love...with the venue. it was really cool, and nicely done. there is some interesting portraits on the back wall, a long bar, some tables set up and 4 nice size flat screen tvs facing the bar. match guy was waiting for me at the bar and he was drinking what looked to be an appletini....hmmm...

match guy looked like a skinnier version of his picture. he looked nice, but i thought he was hotter on the internet. oh well. he was excited to see me and very friendly. his voice was strange, though. kind of high pitched, it was little weird. once i got settled and had a drink, he started asking me some general questions. we got the preliminary stuff out of the way and then he wanted to know if he looked like his profile picture. i said, "well...in your picture you're wearing a hat and you look a little...different now because you're not wearing the hat, but i guess you look pretty similar". then he wanted to know what i remembered about his profile and i almost choked on my drink. i wanted to say "um, you used 4 in place of for..." but instead i just recited his tagline and hoped he didn't ask me any more questions, because to be honest i had forgotten.

luckily, my q&a session was done. he was super flirty and kept touching my leg and things like that. all in all, he seemed like a nice guy. very open and fun. he's originally from baltimore, went to school in pittsburgh (but hadn't seemed to have heard of this place which is supposedly one of pittsburgh's most famous restaurants. i digress.) and works for homeland security. we had good conversation and he was insistent on paying for my drinks. i'd probably hang out with him again, but there wasn't any spark on my end. he's cool though - we can definitely be friends.

oh, one final thing. i know that d.c. is not the south and certainly not the deep south where i was formerly living. however, i would have liked it if he had walked me to my train station. sure, it was two blocks, but it was 10:30 p.m. and more importantly, i think it's the gentlemanly thing to do. aside from that, he seemed like a good guy.

the one about the "conscience" rule

2009-03-02T00:35:00.002-05:00

recently, the obama administration has moved to undo a last-minute bush administration rule that provided safeguards for doctors, nurses, hospital administrators, etc who refused to take part in abortions, provide access to birth control options or provide other health care options that went against their conscience. you can read more about it here. i for one, am pleased. while i do understand that some doctors aren't comfortable with birth control, abortion, etc., i think that access to those services is so important that there can not be a rule that allows them to refuse to perform these services with no consequences.

i can't imagine if my lady doctor refused to issue me a prescription for birth control. what i really can't imagine is my niece deciding someday that she wants to take control of her sexual health and her not being able to get birth control or the cervical cancer vaccine.

i applaud the obama administration for taking quick action on this issue. it's important and yet another example of why our president matters. i know a lot of people who say things like it doesn't matter who the president is, and it doesn't affect their everyday life. at least for me, this is a very real example of why who our president is matters. i'd be willing to bet that if john mccain had won in november, this last minute rule would remain.

the one about rihanna/the ny post

2009-02-26T23:19:00.002-05:00

so, i thought i was done bitching for the night. but actually i'm not. i read far too many blogs and websites during the average day. what can i say, that's just what happens when you're unemployed. i've seen a lot of things lately calling for a boycott of the new york post due to that terrible cartoon that they published last week. people are really up in arms about it.

but yet...

a young woman of color is brutally beaten by her superstar boyfriend and no one gives a shit. yes, i know - the case hasn't gone to court yet, etc etc. but let's be real. everyone knows he beat her ass just like everyone knows oj did it (yep, i said it. hate if you must). and no one seems to care. no one is calling for a boycott of chris brown and his music or his music label. no one seems concerned.

but yet...

domestic violence disproportionally affects african-american women. the stats are a little fuzzy, but domestic violence is one of the leading causes of death for african-american women aged 18-45. this is a serious issue. and all anyone can say is (and i won't get into this more because i've already commented on this aspect of the situation ad nasuem) "what'd she do? what'd she do?"

but yet...

let it have been a white man who beat up a black women. or even worse, a white man beating up a black man (as we saw with rodney king, amadou diallo, sean bell, etc)...when that happens, we have press conferences, we have jesse jackson, we have nonstop news coverage. and i'm not saying we shouldn't. we should. we should be outraged when our young men are brutalized and our communities are shattered.

but yet...

shouldn't we be just as enraged when our young women are brutalized? where's the outrage? where's jesse jackson? where's the nonstop news coverage??

the one where i am bitching

2009-02-26T21:37:00.002-05:00

yep, i'm feeling pretty bitchy, so if i were you (especially you Banker and AHS) i'd skip this one. i'm just so irritated and fed up. really it's about 97% the Banker and about 3% AHS. so maybe AHS can read this. but the Banker shoud really skip it.

the Banker is such an annoyance. i'm thinking of cutting him out of my life completely. i probably should've done it awhile ago, but i have a hard time doing that. once i decided to stop ignoring him and actually keep in contact he started acting like an ass again. i think he's out. he's such a selfish idiot. he actually had the nerve to get mad at me because i didn't want to talk to him about some personal topics (i.e. the details of my being laid off and also if i'm dating). that infuriated me! it's like he thinks i owe him something. in this case, information. ugh. what an ass. what really gets me going is that today he sent me some annoying, juvenile text about how i'm ignoring him again. he doesn't seem to make the connection between me ignoring him and him being an ass.

as for AHS, i'm just a little perplexed by him. when i was home over christmas we talked frequently and hung out often and it was great. then i went back to bama and it was like i had ran over his dog. i swear, he all of a sudden never calls and apparently refuses to respond to emails. i don't get it. i know he's back in school now, but i also know that means that he has plenty of time in class to slack off (ah hem, not that i ever did that, i'm just sayin...). also, i know he has some ridiculous cell phone issues...but GOOD GRIEF!!

okay, i'm done w/the bitching for now. tomorrow morning is my first day pro bono-ing at the washington lawyers committee for civil rights and urban affairs and i am thrilled to be able to do some awesome pro bono work. yay!

the one where i am freaking out a wee bit

2009-02-24T22:06:00.002-05:00

so, as i've mentioned match guy and i were supposed to meet up for lunch this week. i suggested tuesday or wednesday and he just suggested thursday. and gave me his number to call him! i don't like the phone w/people i don't know. do i have to call him? or can i just email him back? also, i don't know how i feel about thursday. i was planning on going to this game night thing in the city. perhaps i should suggest we meet there? i need HELP!!

also - can i just say how much i love our president? he's fantastic. and so inspiring. i adore him and am so happy he was elected. i know that things are dire and he inherited a lot of shit. but i am so impressed by him and damnit, can i just say it - he is pretty hot. i think samantha on SATC said it best..."our country runs better with a good looking man at the helm". i certainly agree.

the one where i am exhausted

2009-02-22T22:10:00.002-05:00

i just had a fantastic weekend in VA, on a "ski" trip with friends from LS. i didn't ski, but relaxed and just really had a wonderful time. we got in late friday, partied until about 4:30 am and then chilled out all saturday. it was so fun, but i was a little bummed we couldn't go tubing. oh well, next time for sure.

i am exhausted. i just can't rock it out like i used to. okay, i take that back. i can - i just need some serious recovery time afterwards.

so, this guy on match wants to meet this week. he's pretty cute. i have told him i can do lunch sometime this week. i'm a fan of lunch dates because there's so much less pressure. i'm not sure what day we are doing it. i'm thinking tuesday or wednesday...Agnes has just recently had a positive experience w/a guy from match so i'm excited. since our love lives constantly parallel each others, if she's doing well with match, i'm confident i will do :)

the one filled with promise

2009-02-20T19:14:00.002-05:00

so, i promise to update very soon. i am going skiing (not that i'll be skiing - i'll be drinking and snowtubing) this weekend so when i return, i will provide updates.

there are many things to share:

1. a guy from match.com wants to meet up

2. pro bono position

3. part time job decision

i guess that's not many. but it's something. i'm back on sunday!

the one about the twilight books

2009-02-17T23:47:00.003-05:00

i just finished reading the complete twilight saga written by stephanie meyer. in case you haven't read the books (which i highly encourage, i LOVED them!), the basic premise is an ordinary high school junior falls in love with an immortal vampire. the series follows everything that happens to this couple and their friends and family. after i finished the last book, i started reading some reviews of the series. there is a lot of criticism of the books, most of it centering on the fact that the book is apparently "anti-feminist".

now, one label that i proudly claim is feminist. in fact, i often get pissed that people treat feminism like it's a dirty word. but back to the twilight books. i was really dismayed to read that some consider the books to be an affront to women and an affront to feminism. the main claim is that because bella (the main character) becomes depressed when her boyfriend leaves her, the books are a set back to women everywhere. the critics argue that bella is weak and the anti-feminist because she depends on the men in her life.

i disagree. i think the book accurately describes the desperation that a woman (or a man) can sometimes feel when their soul mate leaves them. i've felt that way, my girlfriends have felt that way, and my guy friends have felt that way. i think it's realistic. i also think that a big problem with feminism is that people try to put it into a box and think that feminism means one thing. in my head, feminism is about choice and it's about supporting women and their rights and benefiting women.

and that's all i got to say about that.

the one about "family ties"

2009-02-15T20:32:00.002-05:00

growing up as a military brat, you learn to be flexible and you get used to being the new kid. you also adjust to the smaller things, like never having a regular doctor, dentist, hairstylist, etc. you understand that you won't see your extended family often because you don't live near them. when my sister and i were growing up, my parents formed their own "extended family" of sorts. it was a group of about 4 0r 5 air force families where the parents were roughly the same age and they all had similar aged children. these families became just like family as we somehow managed to follow each other all across the united states. i've known this group of about 20 people since i was born and they are an important part of my life.

this morning, my parents and i attended the dedication of two grandbabies in one of our extended families. it was a wonderful day and a great time. while we were sitting eating dinner, someone decided to start counting all of the grandchildren that have been born in the past decade or so. while they were counting and chiming in with "i can't believe our children have children" comments, i was doing some quick math of my own. out of the 4 sets of families present, out of the 11 children in those 4 families (including my own) i am one of 2 left who has not gotten married and/or had children. 2 out of 11! that blew my mind...i mean, when did everybody decide to go and get married/have kids? did i miss that meeting?

it's one thing that now all my friends are getting married. it's another when the entire group of kids i grew up with have all decided (in some secret, hidden meeting, apparently) to make major life steps without me. i mean, i just wanted to scream - wait! we're not ready! and i guess, that's it. i'm not ready. so, in the interim i'll offer up babysitting services. or, on second thought, just drop by for a quick visits - kids are exhausting!

the one about feb 14

2009-02-15T00:12:00.002-05:00

yay its valentine's day! a lot of people love this holiday and a lot of people hate it. i actually love most holidays but even when i was in relationships, i've always thought v-day was just a little silly. i mean, i love love but i'll say this - today i had multiple valentine's and am sleeping with the best one this evening (my sweet puppy) and i couldn't be happier.

happy valentine's day, everyone. i hope it was everything you hoped for :)

the one about "unconditional"

2009-02-12T22:49:00.006-05:00

when i was 12 or 13, i met this guy. we'll call him TS. TS and i became fast friends and eventually it grew to something more. i don't exactly know how to describe it. we were best friends and romantic interest was there, but not there. does that make any sense? by the time i was 15, i was certain that i was in love, although we were never in a relationship and always dated other people. he was my best friend but so much more. and he was awful for me. anyone who knew me way back then (MJ, LH, etc) can tell you that. he was a "bad boy" and to put it lightly, was definitely bad for me. the thing is, during that time, i thought that i was doing the right thing by keeping him in my life.

you see, i believed in "unconditional" love. i thought that loving him unconditionally meant that i was bound and beholden to love him no matter what. and by loving him no matter what, that meant that i couldn't walk out on him. i couldn't cut him out of my life. because if loving someone through horrific shit isn't unconditional love, then what is?

like i said, we met when i was 12. i went to college, and fell in love with the Ex. i was completely honest with the Ex and he actually helped me through some of the worst stuff with TS.unfortunately, but not surprisingly, during this time, the Ex developed an extreme hatred for TS. shocker. but i persisted in keeping in touch with TS. not even just keeping in touch. i insisted that i should stay friends with TS because i was supposed to love him "unconditionally". yeah, the Ex didn't buy that bullshit either. TS was a MAJOR strain on our relationship. it all came to end one thanksgiving when, while driving 10 hours to my parent's house, the Ex gave me an ultimatum (well, he screamed an ultimatum - he was a wee bit pissed). he told me i either cut TS completely out of my life or he was done. of course, i did what anyone does when their back is up against the wall. i told him i'd cut TS out...but i didn't. of course, i couldn't. i was a believer in "unconditional" love. in the end, the Ex and i broke up (obviously) and i still maintained a distant friendship with TS.

finally, well over a decade later, i realized that "unconditional" love might just be bullshit. or, at the very least, it was in the case of TS and i. i sickened of his shit, realized that he was the same exact person he was when i was 12, and (thank goodness) i had grown and changed in so many ways. i cut him out, even though i still care about him. i know i will never stop, but i also know what's best for me - and he ain't it.

so, what now, do i think about "unconditional" love? i think that i will love the man meant for me unconditionally, but i also don't know that i think love is enough. i know myself well enough to know that i fall easy, i get excited about people and things easily and its often tough for me to get the proper amount of perspective. i think that one of the good things about the Banker was i really felt like i was my best self with him. i truly felt like i learned from the loser i had previously dated and from the Ex and took those lessons and applied it to my relationship with the Banker. which gives me hope :)

the one still about rihanna

2009-02-11T23:41:00.002-05:00

i admit it, i can't escape this chris brown / rihanna mess. i just read an excellent letter on huffington post that i think is so well written. here's the link http://www.huffingtonpost.com/charlotte-hilton-andersen/an-open-letter-to-rihanna_b_165472.html and that's all i have to say about that. :)

the one about the chris brown/rihanna mess

2009-02-10T21:37:00.003-05:00

"what did she do to make him snap like that?" "i heard she did X, Y and Z - which is why he beat the crap out of her" BLAH BLAH BLAH. i am so freaking sick of hearing people speculate what rihanna "did" that "made" chris brown hit her. i swear the next him i see or hear someone ask a question along those lines, i am going to lose my shit. i am so disgusted at the blatant ignorance of some people. the question is NEVER "what did she do that made him hit/punch/whatever her" but ALWAYS "what the hell is wrong with HIM that violence is ever the answer". i am just so aghast that so many people don't seem to understand that.

and what's worse are the few celebrity interviews i've read. terrence howard saying "chris will be okay. he's a great guy." um, okay, sure. he may be a great guy. but he beat up a woman. something ain't right. ugh, it's so incredibly disgusting.

i'm seriously going to start defriending people on fb over this. because if you find this situation funny or really just are DYING to know what rihanna did to MAKE him flip out, i don't want to have shit to do with your ass.

the one where i need to clarify...

2009-02-09T16:06:00.003-05:00

hey, so about that scary age thing. it has NOTHING to do with actual age. it's just a basic formula. scary age = current age + 2. i don't think 28 (or any other age, really) is some inherently scary thing. i just like the idea of giving myself two years to find my "jamie" :) that's all, i swear.

the one about my dream

2009-02-09T11:27:00.002-05:00

i had a very vivid dream last night...the kind where you wake up disappointed. i had a dream that i was dating some guy named jamie (anyone know a cute jamie??) and he had just proposed. with a HUGE ass rock. and then gave me a beautiful diamond bracelet. i know where the dream came from - i was watching platinum weddings last night before i went to bed and my ring/bracelet looked exactly like the girl's on that show. what's kind of amusing is that i barely remember jamie from the dream. in fact, he faded shortly after he gave me the ring/bracelet. but i do remember his parents. especially his dad. his dad loved me and his mom was the most adorable thing ever. it was so cute. and the ring was so pretty. i woke up and looked at my hand and sighed.

i've decided that my new "scary/must settle down" age is going to be 28. if things ain't looking promising by the age of 28, i'll start to freak out. otherwise, life is good :)

the one about what it would take...

2009-02-08T01:04:00.003-05:00

random, but i'm sitting here listening to some otis redding and i swear, that if a man sang to me and sounded like him, that'd be it. there is just something so appealing about that sound, that voice. it sounds so much older than his years (otis redding was only 26 when he was killed in that plane crash). i love old music. the sounds, the actual bands, i love it all. now, i love new music too...but they are very few 21st century songs that have made me think "oh wow...i'd marry the man who sang that to me". damn, otis...

the one about my toe

2009-02-06T23:21:00.003-05:00

this is not very exciting, but hey, it's all i got. the Socialite recently wrote a blog entitled watching paint dry so i don't feel so bad about not living the most exciting life right now :)

anyway, my middle toe on my left foot is absolutely killing me. i can't imagine what's wrong. i'm pretty sure you can't break your toe without realizing it, right?

in other news, i'm not sure if i have shared this already, but i joined match.com recently. i'm only doing it for a month b/c i don't want to spend the money. i have to say, so far i'm not impressed. i have gotten and replied to some emails but it kind of sketches me out to think of actually going to meet someone...not that the person is going to be a nut or anything, but it just feels so forced as opposed to when you just see someone cute out and about. i don't know.

oh, and the Banker has been calling about every other day. we've talked a couple times. it's been nice, but not so overly nice that i'm suspicious. yet. well, that's not entirely true. i am suspicious but i think it's much easier to be friendly when we are separated by 800 miles. kind of like how it's much easier for me to be nice to my mom when we are separated by 30+ miles :) i have to say, though, i'm trying very hard not to revert back to a 15 year old terror when it comes to my mom. we are hanging out tomorrow and i think it'll be fun. we're off to the newsuem and i'm excited. i'll let y'all know how it goes.

the one about the train

2009-02-05T13:25:00.002-05:00

i forgot to write last night about this weird guy who i encountered on the train ride home. when i hopped on the train, it was quite empty and so i sat in a row of seats facing the front of the train and stretched my feet out on the row of seats in front of me facing the interior of the train. a couple stops after i hop on, this guy gets on. even though 3/4 of the train is empty he sits in the seat where i'm resting my feet. so even though i'm pissed, i move my feet. and he's like, no, no keep your feet up. i just shake my head and move my feet. for the next 15 minutes or so, the guy keeps encouraging me to put my feet back up on the seat. and he keeps staring at me. at this point, i start to feel really sick, like i might even have to get off the train. psycho/foot fetish guy KEEPS staring and i'm starting to get really freaked out. so i just start reading twilight (woot woot! thanks LS BFF!) until he finally got off two stops before i did. ugh. i love the convenience of the train but hate the crazies.

also, the Banker is calling me fairly regularly now. we've only really talked once, but he's called quite a few times. i'm not ignoring his calls anymore, our schedules have just been conflicting. i'm not quite sure what he's trying to accomplish but i'm sure it'll give me plenty to blog about :)

the one where i'm a wee bit drunk

2009-02-05T00:32:00.003-05:00

so, i'm apparently a little too used to living walking distance from pretty much every bar i go to. tonight i had dinner with LS BFF, Lifeboat and MS and i only had a couple glasses of wine and a cocktail. apparently that's all it takes. because i felt like i was goingto die on the metro ride home. and still kind of feel that way. damn. i had a point to writing this.

oh, i think the point is i'm going to have to put myself one a one drink limit when i'm driving/metroing home. and also - ugh i feel gross! when did my tolerance go to shit??

the one about 25 things

2009-02-02T18:26:00.003-05:00

so everyone on fb is doing these "25 things" surveys where they list 25 things about themselves. i am jumping on the bandwagon but only on this blog...

i adore the children of my family and friends, but if we're not close, chances are good that i'm much more interested in meeting your dog rather than your children.
that being said, i'm quite certain i want to have children some day. however, the idea of giving birth to something the size of my dog is terrifying and i'm strongly considering adoption.
i love to learn. i always enjoyed school and if i could afford it i'd be a professional student -- 3L year of LS was amazing!
i really enjoy a glass of wine at the end of a day.
i love amusement parks. i used to be terrified of roller coasters until i was about 12 and my sister tricked me into riding on one. now, i love them. even though they still scare me shitless.
sometime in college i became terrified of horror movies. i think it was around the same time i saw the ring and the Ex was out of town. since then, i will not watch a scary movie unless i know for certain that i am having some kind of sleepover. and the Dog doesn't count.
i am constantly humbled by how blessed i am. i am working on being more thankful.
i am also trying to be a better listener and to really focus on one thing at a time. i find it really difficult to not multitask. my friends probably notice that they get a lot of phone calls while i'm driving/walking the dog/doing laundry/etc. i'm working on it.
i LOVE dining out. i think it's one of life's pleasures to share a meal with a loved one.
music is incredibly important to me. i associate certain songs with seasons, people, and experiences. i have 8 days worth of songs on iTunes and it continues to grow.
i have never lived in one place more than four years consecutively. i'm looking to change this.
i like step classes, kickboxing classes and dance classes. they are cheesy but fun and really good stress relievers.
my life isn't exactly what i imagined when i was say, 20, but i'm happy for that. all the changes make it interesting.
i can cop an attitude quicker than you can say "boo", but i'm really quite sensitive.
i am 5'2.5 and i love being short.
i gained probably 25 pounds my first semester of LS. once i took them back off, i became incredibly weight conscious. i don't talk about it to many people, but i realize i probably have an unhealthy obsession with weight.
i'm incredibly curious about what my husband is going to be like.
i have had wonderful educational experiences. i attended 3 very different high schools, a fantastic college and an excellent law school.
i really believe in education. i am hopeful that president obama will help fix our schools, starting with no child left behind. in my mind, that act is one of the biggest mistakes in education in recent history.
oftentimes when i hear music, i imagine a scene in an imaginary movie that is playing out while the song is playing.
i am much closer to my father than my mother. i'm working on improving my relationship with my mother and being more patient with her.
i am constantly planning my wedding reception in my head. and with select friends. i'm not ready to get married - i just want the party!
i could eat pizza 3x a day, everyday for the rest of my life and be content. as it is, i eat it probably 4x a week. however, because of my weight obsession, i mostly eat lean cuisine. i have learned to love it!
i was surprised by how devastated i was when i lost my college ring this summer. it really made me sad. of course i found it after i purchased a new one (for almost $500!)
i have always wanted to be a writer, but have never pursued it because i worry i'd never be good enough/have enough to say. so i write this blog to fulfill my urge to write. i am grateful to my friends who take the time to read it :)

the one about changes

2009-02-01T22:48:00.002-05:00

so, i made it to dc. yay! my BFF came down and helped and now i'm home. it's nice, but very strange. essentially, i've gone from having 1,200 square feet of living space to now having approximately 350 square feet that i can claim as my own (my room + my very spacious closet!) - but its free and that's definitely what i need right now.

something hilarious happened. friday, as i'm packing, the Attorney texted me to ask if i wanted to hang out and get some drinks. i replied back, "oh wow. i could've sworn i told you...i'm actually moving to dc as we speak..." he writes back that he was out of the loop and now that he finally has time for a date it looks like it won't happen. i'm like, um, hell NO it won't happen. ass. i swear. did he seriously think i was just waiting around hping that one day he'd call?! maybe its me. maybe i project an "i'm so desperate you can make me wait 2 months for a date and i'll still accept" vibe. hmmm. i guess its possible. either way, he finally got the point. oh, and then he sent me an email asking why i was leaving. i essentially wrote back "its personal and i don't want to discuss it". i swear. these men keep it interesting.

speaking of men and interesting, when the Banker and i had dinner and he prompted me to tell him exactly why i cut him out of my life, one of the things i mentioned was him posting the fb album featuring his new NY chick (whom he claims isn't his girlfriend - when he said this i just smiled and said "okay". anytime he said something i thought was bullshit i just smiled sweetly and said "okay"). so i'm checking out his fb profile today (yes, i still do that...don't act like you wouldn't too!) and notice that the fb album is gone. interesting.

last saturday i met a friend of a friend who was so cute (and i couldn't remember his name) i decided his name was Cutie. Cutie is precious. and has been calling me everyday even though we only hung out 2x and the second time consisted of me drunkenly singing a wide variety of karaoke songs (everything from "baby got back" to "redneck woman" to "billie jean"). it's so cute. and fun. although it won't go anywhere because i'm not about to do long distance, it's fun to get to know someone new. :)

the one about making moves

2009-01-28T18:41:00.003-05:00

tonight MJ has put together a little "farewell dinner" and i'm really looking forward to it. the packing has been moving along nicely and its a little nuts that i'm actually leaving in a couple of days. i'm really excited, though.

i'm pretty certain that this summer i'll move in with LS BFF, which is kind of a dream come true. in the interim, i'll be kicking it with the Parents. as long as they install cable and a dvr in my bedroom, i'm sure this can work.

BFF is coming friday morning to help with the move and i swear i will be COMPLETELY packed up before then. i'm getting very very close.

in other news, i'm in a wedding in may and am searching for a date -- if you've got any leads, hit me up! :)

the one after the dinner

2009-01-26T23:38:00.002-05:00

so the Banker and i had dinner tonight. and now after its all said and done, all i really feel is sad. we met, had a nice dinner and for 3/4s of the evening we avoided any heavy discussion. then he decided to tell me how he felt "hurt" that i had cut him out of my life. so, i had to tell him. i told him how i was so upset by his treatment of me following the time we stopped dating, and how he did things i would never, ever do. i also told him that if i wasn't moving, we wouldn't be sitting there having dinner. i didn't go into detail, but i did mention a few things i thought were particularly shitty and told him that because i his behavior, i purposefully cut him out of my life. of course, he apologized but i stopped him in the middle of it and told him that it doesn't matter what is said now and besides, hearing him apologize just makes me so angry.

so i said my peace. and we moved on with dinner. overall it was nice.

but, i do feel sad. it was just so easy ignoring him and not dealing with him. but seeing him and talking to him and laughing with him. it just hurts my heart, i swear. i just still wish that things could've been different, that he could've been different. i know and accept the reality of the situation, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

sigh.

the one where i am playing with fire

2009-01-26T12:07:00.003-05:00

oh goodness. i haven't spent much time talking about the Ex. some of you know him and were around when we were dating (college and then some). the Ex and i dated from november of my first year of college until spring of my senior year. we officially broke up but then continued to travel together, speak daily, etc until august of 2006. that was when we REALLY stopped acting like we were in a relationship. the Ex had met someone new and was going to give it a go with her. as for me, i was in my 3L year at UVA and ready to party! so we toned things way back and proceeded to just be friends. of course, like anything else, there have been complications along the way. the Ex and i were extremely close when we dated. we spent lots of time with each others families and i loved his family, he loved mine and our respective families loved each other (which, if you know my dad says a LOT). the Ex was in a very bad car accident the summer of 2003 and afterwards, i essentially moved into his apartment for a month while he recovered. it was a big deal for me at the time to tell my father that i was moving in with my boyfriend. but what was amazing was that my dad didn't say a word. in fact, after the Ex and i broke up and he moved back to california, my dad actually called him and offered to buy him a plane ticket to fly to atlanta for my college graduation. i am still amazed by how much my dad liked the Ex. not because the Ex wasn't a great man, but because my dad is TOUGH!

anyway, after the Ex and i were finally really truly done, it was complicated still. there were still all these feelings but each of us moved on to other people. i finished law school, moved to alabama, dated some loser for awhile and then the Banker. the Ex moved back to atlanta, continued dating that same girl and eventually asked her to marry him. i thought it was going to be crazy difficult to hear that the Ex was engaged, but it was okay. of course, i think i'll feel much differently when he actually gets married (august) but for now i'm okay.

but here's the thing. the Ex and i both want to maintain a friendship. so although we don't talk on the phone, we email and text regularly. we had lunch once this past summer when i was in atlanta and it was nice. he didn't tell his fiance, which i thought was weird, but hey, not my place. then the weekend of the SEC championship i was in atlanta to celebrate the game (ugh, even though the game didn't turn out like i wanted...still ROLL TIDE!) and told him i was in town. he drove across town to meet me at the bar where i was watching the game, and when he finally got there he asked about the Banker. i told him that the Banker and i weren't dating anymore and he instantly became uncomfortable and said that he couldn't stay because i was drunk (may or may not have been true) and i was single. so that was a bit weird, but again, he's engaged, i am single...i understand that he needs to do what he needs to do.

so anyway, since then we've been texting some and emailing more. in fact, over the past week or so, we've been emailing quite a bit. most of it is pretty innocuous normal stuff. but occasionally, there will be a flirtatious line here or there. and i know that he doesn't tell his fiance that we still communicate and i'm just starting to feel like this is dangerous ground. even though everything has been above board, i just have a feeling...

i can't explain it, but i feel like something is happening. i know that doesn't make any sense, but its how i feel.

in other possibly poor decisions, the Banker and i are having dinner this evening. i know for a fact that this dinner is playing with fire. if he says the wrong thing, i have no doubt that i will tell him every single negative thing i think about him. and i really don't want to do that. i want to have a nice, reasonably calm dinner and then be done. goodness. i have got to get it together.

but rest assured about one thing -- i will look amazing this evening. the Banker will be suffering :)

the one where i've decided to see him

2009-01-25T11:10:00.002-05:00

yes. you read that correctly. i've decided that i am going to see the Banker before i move to dc. yes, i am beyond unhappy with how things went down over the past couple of months but i know that i would regret moving 800 miles away without telling him face to face. as MJ said, if the shoe was on the other foot, i would be quite upset if he moved away without a word.

to all the naysayers, (and i know there will be naysayers) understand that i DO know exactly what i'm getting myself into. i realize that i will never get the kind of response i want from him. i know that he's not going to turn to me and admit being an asshole and treating me like shit, etc. i completely understand that. but the fact is, seeing him is the right thing to do. and more importantly, it is what i want to do.

so we are having lunch on monday afternoon. he did not go to last night's dinner, so i had to set up lunch. he seems super eager, which isn't surprising considering i've been ignoring him for the past month or so.

if i don't see him i know i will feel as if our story is somehow incomplete. seeing him won't really change anything, but it's going to happen eventually and i'd prefer to do it on my terms.

the one where the banker is pissed

2009-01-22T23:53:00.004-05:00

so...this evening i was out celebrating a girlfriend's birthday and the Banker called me. per usual, i ignored his call. he left a message, asking me to call and declared "i guess we aren't friends anymore". i texted him about an hour later, saying "what's up?" he replied by asking why can't i call him. i responded that i was tied up right now, but didn't want to ignore his call. his text message back was priceless. he wrote (and i quote): "so call when ur not. what the fuck is up with u. never seen no shit like this weird." i couldn't stop smiling. not because he was all out of sorts, but because i knew that i was doing the right thing. he could not handle me ignoring his calls and refusing his invitations to hang out, come up, etc. i am finally doing things that make me feel better and am not worried about how he will take my actions and while i am feeling great, clearly he is frustrated as all hell.

and i'll be honest, it felt good. i am not setting out to hurt him, but i think that he acting like an ass after we stopped dating and i don't have the time to deal with people who treat me poorly. i am too fucking fabulous to waste time with people who don't appreciate it. so i've been ignoring him because i have no desire to deal with him either face to face or via telephone. and now its freaking him out because he is not getting what he wants on his terms.

um, welcome to my world, bitch.

the one where i'm baaack!

2009-01-22T15:00:00.001-05:00

dc was fantastic. we had the best time. we got in saturday afternoon, and saturday night we went to love (a huge club in the city). it was great. we saw stevie wonder there!!! i may or may not have screamed a little when i saw stevie (and i'm normally never a groupie, but i swear i couldn't help it). we also caught sight of p. diddy (stevie was much more exciting) and deshawn show from real housewives of atlanta. then on sunday we went with my mom down to the national mall for the we are one concert. it was amazing to see all those people. it was really really cool - and cold! but we had a wonderful time. later sunday night we went to park. and that was excellent. we danced a little bit and then set up shop in one of the stairwells and just talked to people all night. it was so fun. and not just because i was a little bit drunk. it was just cool to meet lots of guys :) and to flirt w/really attractive men. i had a great time. oh yeah, we saw bow wow at park, but he's such a little kid, i just couldn't get that excited about it.

monday we drove into the city to LS BFF's house and posted up there to get ready for tuesday's events. we got down to the capitol about 830am on tuesday and found a great spot next to MSNBC's setup (i got to see rachel maddow!!!). it was absolutely incredible to be among millions of people during that historic day. when obama was giving his speech, i admit i got a little teary eyed. it is still so amazing to see and hear words from the first black president. i can't put all the emotion surrounding it into words. absolutely incredible.

so now i'm back in bama for the next week. that is incredible. i can't believe i'm moving in a week. mainly because i'm sitting on my ass, not packing! of course, as always, it will get done. slowly, but surely.

in other news, while out drunk sunday night, i sent the Banker one text message. he responded, but i never replied to his response. and then a day or so later he called me and i didn't respond. turns out we are both invited to a dinner this upcoming saturday. i'm going and have no idea if he's going or not. but it's a small enough dinner that if he does go, i'll definitely see him and speak to him. i've decided to just be prepared for anything including him flying in his new chick just to piss me off. so i'm ready. he can come, he can bring her, he can bring someone else, he can not come. either way, i'm going to be pleasant and polite. hey, i was born in the south - it's what we do :)

the one where i know i've been slacking

2009-01-19T13:52:00.001-05:00

real quick, i'm sorry i've been MIA - i'm in DC for the inauguration and having an EXCELLENT time. i'll provide a full update once i'm back in bama...until then, happy martin luther king, jr. day and go obama!

and, yes, being in DC this weekend is making me excited for the romantic possibilities :)

the one about numbers

2009-01-16T22:30:00.003-05:00

i read an article today that was discussing the "perfect" numer of men a woman can admit to sleeping with. the article said that the perfect number was 7. so i googled the topic and came across a few interesting stories. this huffington post article (see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-kramer-bussel/how-many-partners-makes-y_b_117350.html) i thought covered the issue pretty reasonably. but then i stumbled across a blog that had a discussion of the issue and essentially it turned into a "ho" bashing session describing women who have slept with 5 or more men in the same night. and i was reminded why these types of conversations bother me so much.

to begin with, the whole conversation is typically skewed to sexist, archaic ideals that simply are no longer a reality in our society. men want virginal pristine women to marry, yet they don't want to actually get married until they are 35 and they have fucked everything in sight. more women than ever are entering graduate and professional school, which typically pushes marriage back a few years. so now women are a little older when they marry. and they are likely marrying a man who has had a decent number of sexual partners. but simply because she is a woman, she is supposed to have been damn near a virgin? someone please explain this to me.

don't get me wrong, i know a couple of 20 something virgins. and i respect that. i just don't think that this double standard should exist for judging people by their number. ideally, there would be no judgment (unless there are crazy circumstances or something) -- in my mind, asking how many isn't the important question. the important questions are: have you been tested, how recently, and what were the results.

as for me, i have dated one man who was numbers conscious. in fact, my number made him uncomfortable. what was ironic (and infuriating) was that his number was 7x (literally) mine. i'm so not kidding. and what was so great about this guy, was that he never tried to claim it wasn't a double standard, he just said "well, that's how i feel. period" i can respect that as well. but of course, that was a huge red flag that we weren't going to work out.

the one where i am screaming, who does that?!

2009-01-16T11:10:00.002-05:00

alright, so this past weekend in atlanta after the hookah and the "sexy drink" i went out to a bar and we met up with some of Namesake's wonderful friends from law school. of course, had a blast and i really hit it off with one particular friend, CG. so once back in bama, CG and i became fb friends. so a couple of days later, i notice when i'm looking at CG's profile that we share a mutual friend: the Banker. i'm like, hmmm...i'm pretty sure that CG and the Banker don't know each other. so i do a little investigative work and find out that the Banker friended CG almost immediately after CG and i became fb friends and she accepted, because, well that's what you do.

so...my first reaction is WTF? seriously, who does that?! he does not know her, yet he sees her on my profile and decides to fb friend her? what is that about? i think it's kind of weird and just a wee bit creepy...am i overreacting? or is this very strange? thoughts?

the one about the attorney

2009-01-15T15:41:00.002-05:00

okay, so this is just TOO good. i've discussed the Attorney before and how we were supposed to go on a date but he was always so "busy" and so i just gave up and told him i wrote him off. and he seemed to truly think that i would wait forever. i think what he actually told me was "so if i were to ask you out in two months, you would say no?" and i was just thinking, you are so freaking arrogant!

so the Attorney has made a few gestures at hanging out since then. but i've always been out of town. he invited me to lunch, a NYE party he threw, etc etc. but i'm always gone. so just today, i get a text asking if i'm free saturday. um, NOPE. i'll be in DC. i haven't told the Attorney i'm moving either, mainly because he insists on always texting and never calling, which i despise. i just think it's hilarious that he's ramped up his efforts and now it doesn't matter and essentially is just too little too late.

i'm just so over lazy ass men. i'm also over shady ass men. i really do not think it's too much to ask for a man that is honest and actually will display some effort. as for the Banker, ugh ugh ugh.

last night, i went out with my girl (aka Socialite) and we had way too much fun. of course, that meant that i had way too much wine. so i sent the Banker a random text: "hey, what's up" he replied: "u". i asked what the hell that meant and he said: "just missing you." yeah, i was about to vomit in my mouth a little as well. i asked why and he didn't reply for a long ass time. as Socialite said, the silence speaks volumes. ugh. anyway. i'm glad i didn't call him. Socialite did better than me and didn't even text the lame ass dude she used to date.

so...what's going to happen with the Attorney? um, i'm pretty sure absolutely nothing. i'm going to move to DC and leave all these lame men behind. AHS -- are you working on my hookups yet?!

the one where i think i miss him

2009-01-13T18:57:00.002-05:00

there. i said it. i miss the Banker. no, i haven't returned his calls or his text messages and i sure as hell haven't let him "come up." but i miss him. yes, the Banker is a punk to say the least. but i miss talking to him, laughing with him and sharing funny stories with him. i miss his friendship. i'm thinking about giving him a call. i don't know. it's tough when you know that what you want isn't good for you. in the past, i've always said, fuck it. i'll do what feels good and deal with the consequences later. of course, that never ends well. so i think i'll continue on the course i've been travelling. blissful ignorance. i guess the big question is should i see him before i peace out of AL?

the one where my sleep pattern is f-ed up!

2009-01-13T02:59:00.004-05:00

well, since i'm not working, i can stay up all night and play with my blog, chat online, etc etc. and i'm doing that. but i really hate sleeping in, so i'll still wake up at 9am. which would be fine if i wasn't staying up til 3am or later. ugh. then i want to take a nap, but i won't let myself. i have got to get a job. seriously. just so i can get back to keeping normal hours.

in other news, the Banker called me again! i didn't pick up and i didn't return his call. he is so transparent. i mean, clearly i don't want to speak to him. but he keeps trying and i'm sure he will until we speak. i just can't imagine what i would say to him. i'm so freaking angry with him. and i don't want to have an angry conversation with him. i have no desire to let him know just how much he's upset me. so until i feel like i can speak to him without telling him EXACTLY what i think, i will just not speak to him at all.

so - how do we like the new setup? i like it, think i might keep it for awhile :)

the one where comments are back!

2009-01-13T00:57:00.002-05:00

yay! comments are back! in case anyone else if having trouble, i just changed comments to pop up option. yay - i'm so happy :)

oh - i'm going to be playing around with a few new looks in the next few days. if you see something you really like, be sure to let me know :)

the one where i suck at computers

2009-01-12T23:42:00.002-05:00

okay so now i'm good on the pictures, thanks to Lifeboat (a good friend from law school). but now people can't comment! boo - what's going on? stupid stupid blog that i can't figure out...if you have any tips shoot me an email at lifeandtimesofsashafierce@gmail.com -- thanks!

the one about living alone

2009-01-12T20:23:00.002-05:00

so i have to say that probably my favorite thing about living alone is the ability to blast my music and dance around like crazy...occasionally naked, sometimes clothed. but the beauty of living by myself is that no one is ever the wiser :) sure, the Dog thinks i'm crazy, but she'd never tell my secrets!

my other favorite thing about living alone is no judgments. no one to judge what i eat, what i watch on tv, what i wear when i'm watching tv, who i invite over, what time said invited guest comes/goes :), etc.

i thought i'd be lonely since i had roommates in both law school and college, but seriously the Dog is more than enough.

oh, and i also love the fact that i can keep my christmas tree up for as long as i want :)

one last thing - i've decided that i might start posting a few pics...can some computer savvy person tell me the easiest way to do so?

the one about stuff white people like

2009-01-12T02:49:00.002-05:00

have y'all seen this website? it's called stuffwhitepeoplelike.com and it's hilarious. especially because the list describes many of my friends (white and black). its just a funny, funny website.

i particularly like this post http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/02/03/48-whole-foods-and-grocery-co-ops/

hello! i am obsessed with whole foods! anyway, just wanted to share a laugh.

the one about being a virgin and the sexy drink

2009-01-12T02:23:00.005-05:00

this weekend i traveled to atlanta for a friend's birthday. she decided she wanted to have dinner at divan a restaurant and hookah bar. (http://www.divanatlanta.com/hook.html in case you're interested) it was really fun and i plan on sharing.

but first, i have to digress. a couple of years back at a party with a bunch of folks from college, some girlfriends and i decided we would make a list of when "it" didn't count. so we started with obvious things like, when you don't come, when it's AWFUL, etc. by the end of the night our list also contained things like this: when you are on top, when he is on top, when you just met him that day, when you are standing up, when you regret it the next day, if you can't remember his name in two weeks, etc etc. by the end of the night, i swear our list had re-virginized every woman at that party! so i take a particular pleasure in finding activities/things where i am virgin. it's so fun to be a virgin in all aspects of life :) and if you are now thinking, hmm sasha fierce i'm pretty sure you aren't an actual virgin, i say to you - WHATEVA, check out the list! :)

okay, so back to divan and being a hookah virgin. prior to the trip, Agnes and i had discussed the hookah and both were a little nervous. i'm not a smoker. my only experience with cigarettes consisted of me taking one puff when i was 13 and declaring them gross and promptly throwing a pack of my friend's cigarettes out the window. as for my experience with smoking something other than cigarettes, i've tried two separate occasions in college and the first time i thought i was going to die from choking and the second i was way too drunk to speak, so smoking wasn't quite happening. so i wasn't sure how was i going to handle the hookah. but Agnes and i vowed we'd try it, if only to say we tried it.

i arrived at divan and right after i valed my car, i encountered this group of men chatting outside the restaurant. one came right over to me and said "hey, we've been waiting for you...where've you been?" i played along and said "oh yeah, you've been waiting for me? well, i don't see my drink out here..." he instantly invited me to meet him at the bar for a drink. the guy (who was actually quite nice) follows me inside where i see a couple of friends. after chatting with them for a bit, i tell my new friend i'm ready for my drink and he instantly tells the bartender to make me the "sexy drink". now, i have no idea what was in the "sexy drink" but let me tell you that drink was DAMN GOOD! haha, is it any surprise i loved something called the "sexy drink"? the best was after i left my new friend to be seated with my friends and ordered the "sexy drink" our fabulous waiter had to run around trying to figure out what the "sexy drink" was. for that, i left him an extra nice tip :)

well, after dinner (and another "sexy drink of course!) it was time for hookah virgin to pop her cherry! i have to say, i think i had more fun taking pictures of people blowing smoke then actually smoking myself. i think i'm just a bad smoker. i mean, i literally had two puffs and then got a terrible headache. so, i'm lame and not cool enough to actually enjoy smoking a hookah. but whatever, at least i'm not a hookah virgin and i was introduced to the "sexy drink"!

the one about changes

2009-01-12T00:11:00.001-05:00

i am attempting to spice things up over here at life and times of sasha fierce. please bear with me as i am NOT computer literate so things might look a little rough for awhile. also, i had a wonderful evening in atlanta last night that i fully intend to share...more to come soon!

the one about twitter

2009-01-09T22:20:00.001-05:00

can someone explain to me what twitter is? i suppose i could go google it and get the whole scoop, but i'm really looking for a current twitter person (what are they called? twits? haha - okay i'm corny) to explain the deal to me. i feel like everywhere i go and every blog i read has links to someone's twitter page or whatever it is. someone? anyone?

the one about the real world

2009-01-07T22:41:00.004-05:00

so the new season of the real world starts tonight and i'm kind of excited and if it's any good, i'll share my thoughts! this season they are in brooklyn, which is cool. although, i've always wondered why the real world never went to atlanta?? it seems like such a natural choice? or dc? come on, mtv!

this is the first season where they have a transgendered cast member. apparently, that's all the rage. first tyra had one on ANTM, then diddy had one on who wants to work for diddy (or something like that) and now the real world. i say, more power to ya. i personally am not a fan of any voluntary surgery but that's because i'm a baby who makes all medical professionals use child needles any time i need a shot. (what's kind of sad is that i'm not joking at all!)

okay, back to the real world - right now, katelynn (the transgendered chick) is talking about how she went to thailand to have her gender reassignment surgery. i guess that's cool, but it makes me think about how that's really only an option for someone who quite a bit of disposable income. what if you are poor but feel like you're the wrong sex? guess you're screwed.

wow, this opening makes brooklyn look really cool. although i know that lots of parts of brooklyn have been uber-genetried and yuppified than what they're showing.

chet, the mormon seems a little weird, but whatev. omg. this devyn chick is going to annoy me, i can already tell. "people with boobs are not bimbos" - girl let it go. okay, first roomie meeting between chet and devyn. shocker, they both want jobs in the entertainment industry. oh, okay - chet wants to show people that mormons have fun.

okay on to ryan and baya. coney island, cute. baya is a dancer, according to her. she seems kind of normal. ryan is cute. and i do like a military man. hmm, maybe ryan is only cute w/his hat on in retrospect.

okay, sarah. yikes, w/the tattoos. that's cool, again i'm just a baby. and now here's JD from miami. is he the gay guy? oh, yeah he definitely is. aw, he trains dolphins and whales. how awesome. what a fun job. uh oh, sarah has a man at home who is "the one." poor guy - i'm willing to bet he doesn't make it through week 6. oh sarah has dated women before, that's interesting. and JD just revealed he's gay but i'd already figured that out.

okay, this scott guy is a little too built for my taste. although i have to say i could see him totally loving agnes :) she's cute, tiny and blond and i bet muscle man would love that.

okay (and i realize i'm starting every sentence with okay - don't judge!) the house is freaking HUGE! that is ridic. i want to move to brooklyn and move there. except i think NYC is a little dirty and smelly in the summer. now i do wonder why they chose to have 8 people this season. maybe so there is the same number of dudes as women?

um, seriously who decided to give brody jenner a show? good grief.

back to the show. devyn and chet have just gotten in to the house which is amazing - and they have rock band! yay! i love rock band! its going to be so sad how they destroy that beautiful house. the rooms are nice looking. chet says he thought that people would think he's gay but he's straight as an arrow. baya and ryan are approaching the house. she's doing a weird jump. wow, baya is little compared to devyn. and ryan thinks chet is gay. hilarious. muscle man and katelynn have arrived and are greeting everyone. devyn thinks scott is cute, interesting! so funniest line so far...ryan says about katelynn: "there's something definitely different about her"...lol. love it. ooh, they have the kind of home gym that i need.

sarah and jd arrive and everyone is so confused about there being 8 people. i think sarah is adorable, it's official.

so this is the roommate list: jd and sarah; devyn and katelynn; scott and baya; and ryan and chet. this oughta be interesting! uh oh, ryan has a girlfriend too. but he respects chet's virginity which i think it neat.

ryan just asked if katelynn is transgendered. good instinct, buddy. run with that. ah, the ubiquitous hot tub scene. i wonder who will make out first. now the guys are discussing whether or not katelynn is transgendered, jd says he knew immediately. back to the hot tub, the girls are dying because scott has entered the hot tub and they are all horny apparently.

ryan is grossed out b/c katelynn has had a fivesome. hmmm, maybe i am, too. adam doesn't want to reveal his military past, which i think is interesting. i would think his roommmates would be supportive. we'll see when he tells them.

the first excursion into the city seems cute pizza, wiffle ball in the street (who does that), hanging out at a club yelling "where brooklyn at" LOL. oh the club/bar. wow. devyn has really huge boobs. even i can't stop staring at them and boobs don't normally get my attention. uh oh. ryan is drunk. this can't end well. ooh he is not cute drunk. i love that jd says "i love ryan to death". um, you are so sweet, but you just met this guy! i think jd seems like a sweetie. ryan just "came out" to sarah. sarah seems like a great listener. i think she'll probably end up being the most normal person in the house. i bet she's great at her job at the crisis center. ryan says he writes to feel normal. hey buddy, i can understand that. i know i already said this but i am officially obsessed with sarah. what a sweet girl. smart, interesting and genuniely interested in her roommates, not just sleeping with them. i like it.

baya wants to know why ryan joined the military. she seems shocked at the idea. girl, pick your month up off the floor! ryan is singing a song for chet. cute, but i don't think i'm buying the single. now maybe i'll buy your book ryan, but not the cd. ooh, definitely not the cd. no offense :) haha, i do love the song about scott: let's work out. let's eat. scott ate some roast beef. LOL. i love it. wait! chet just said he thought scott was cute. now they are singing a song about how chet is gay and chet says he's not. this is actually a really funny scene. oh my. chet - just come out. save all the drama.

aw, jd is taking katelynn to dinner. i adore him. oh, chet. you don't have gaydar because you are gay! i love how jd is taking up for katelynn. she clearly needs someone in her corner because she has some confidence issues. so scott says he's not going to share anything w/chet b/c chet has a big mouth. yes, indeed he does. he's very gossipy. oh and katelynn just told jd her "secret" even though its not a secret. aw. i hate seeing people cry. i'm glad they decided to do dinner, it's obviously beneficial for both of them. alright, so jd and sarah are my favorites in the house so far. i have to say it probably takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there on national television. so props to them.

well, it looks like an interesting season. i'm excited. this will be the first season i've watched regularly in a long while. i hope it lives up to my expectations!

the one where i am learning!

2009-01-07T22:27:00.002-05:00

the Banker called me last night and left me a pretty nice, normal message. i didn't call back because i really just don't want to talk to him yet, you know? so i emailed him instead, saying i got his message, i'm doing well, and would be happy to do lunch sometime, but i'm quite busy this week. i also said to let me know what his schedule is, because i know he's in NYC quite frequently visiting his new girlfriend. :) he replied back that he would love to do lunch or dinner whenever i'm free.

then this evening, i get a text message from him saying that he's downstairs at the wine loft and can he come up? i nearly choked upon reading that. seriously? did he really think i was going to be like, "yes, come on up. it'll be just like it used to be." YUCK. i told him i was busy, but i'd definitely take a raincheck. trust me, i know exactly what would have happened had he come up. it would have been all emotional, since we haven't seen each other in over a month and eventually we would've ended up hooking up and in the end, i'd feel like crap about the whole thing. i'm pretty pleased that i was able to avoid that disaster.

the one about friends

2009-01-07T00:01:00.003-05:00

today AHS said to me, "it was so sad to read your story about the Banker". honestly, i thought that was just the sweetest thing anyone could say about that whole situation. it made me think about all the wonderful people in my life. i'm happy that AHS is one of them. he's pretty awesome and gives me some great material to write about to boot :)

speaking of friends, i am headed to atlanta this weekend to celebrate a friend's birthday. it's going to be a little nuts, i'm predicting. a lot of ASC girls will be there including Agnes and Namesake (another fabulous college friend who happens to have the funniest dog in the world) who i have not seen since her fabulous trip around the world. so i'm really really excited. ha, we've had some good times. awhile back, we all went out and had a makeout contest. it was truly ridiculous. and even though Namesake tried to cheat and kiss a guy she KNEW i couldn't kiss (it was a friend who i adored, but i knew he had a crush on me so there was no way i could kiss him) i still won our little contest, i don't care what she says :)

in other news, i was reading this article about how ann coulter is talking trash about michelle obama in her new book (see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/03/ann-coulter-slams-michell_n_154947.html) and i swear, no matter your politics, doesn't that woman just SCREAM desperation?! she spews this liberal-hating venim which is so obviously an attempt to shock people into buying her books...and the sad thing is that it works. ugh, she truly disgusts me. she's just so full of shit. if she really felt the way she says she does, i doubt if she would've been able to date democrats in the past, as she has. i mean, i know plenty of people who date people who's political beliefs don't match up with theirs, but this woman is constantly calling liberals/democrats/normal people idiots...and that's on one of her nice days.

oh! my favorite show is back! http://www.nbc.com/The_Biggest_Loser/ i freaking love this show! it's the best, feel good reality show out there. seriously, sometimes it brings tears to my eyes. this show saves peoples lives and i think that is an amazing thing. its so freaking inspiring. if you missed it, check it out next week!

the one about internet dating

2009-01-06T00:04:00.003-05:00

so i'm curious. does anyone know anyone (personally, not one of those fairy tales, my friend's cousin's sister's brother's aunt stories) who has successfully used internet dating to meet someone? i see all these commercials and i guess it might work, but i don't personally know anyone (at least i don't think i do) who's used it to any success. i have some friends who've played around with it before, but lost interest i think. just curious.

in other news, i'm a little mad at AHS. okay not mad per se, but not happy. i called him on sunday to chat and never heard back from him. he sent me some message on FB like "saw you called, did you get some rest?" but never called me back. and then i called him today also and nothing! lame! he can't be my tour guide/new male BFF is he doesn't return calls. whatev.

i'm stepping up the job search and am hopeful that i can find something soon. i'd like to be in dc permanently by the end of the month and i'd prefer to be in my own place, rather than the Parents.

i was watching The Bachelor this evening and it was ridiculous. then i watched The City (don't judge, i was bored) and was just appalled. all these women who are obsessed with finding a man. i just don't think men are constantly thinking about women the way we constantly think of them. i think for me the solution to avoiding this is to have a very full life when i move back to dc. LS BFF and i can finally work out together again! and i'm also onboard with a law school friend's plan to be more social. if AHS would get his act right, he and i could hang out some too :) i just like doing things and being out and being social. sitting at home all day exhausts me. although i enjoy a good round of crap reality television, obviously.

so, back to my original question - seriously, want do we think of internet dating? seems slightly sketchy but probably no more sketchy than meeting someone in a bar, right?

the one where i am back

2009-01-03T22:55:00.003-05:00

so today my dad, the Dog and i drove back down to bham. i'm going to continue my job search from here, at least through the end of the month. i do a lot of complaining about the Parents, but they are pretty awesome. not everyone's dad would drive 13 hours with them (and a hyper dachshund). my dad is so cute -- he's like "you and your mom have to start getting along better". i'm like, we get along fine - as long as we're not under the same roof! he's right though, i mean my mom's a little crazy and i'm a little. but she's older so i guess that means i should be the one to bend. sigh. it could be much worse.

it's nice to be back in my space, in my own bed. although i love being at home (and will be back in 2 weeks for the inauguration), there's nothing like your own space. i think the Dog was happy to get home also. she likes routine and we've been on the go for the past few weeks, so it'll be nice to have some down time.

it's weird, while i'm happy to be home, i'm kind of sad. obvi, it's always a wee bit sad leaving the Parents, but i'm also bummed i didn't get to see Brown after she announced that she and Peaches are engaged! such exciting news, i'm so thrilled for her! i also would have liked to say a proper goodbye to AHS. leaving today was kind of a last minute deal so i didn't get to do that, nor did i get to observe LS BFF's costa rica tan - which i'm sure she must have by now :) no fear, i'm back in like 2 weeks - then hopefully for good!

the one where i thought i was okay

2009-01-03T00:24:00.003-05:00

i am tired of the Banker. i am tired of thinking about him, i am tired of writing about him and i am tired of talking about him. and i thought i was okay with everything that had happened and okay with where things are. which, by the way, is really nowhere. i thought i was fine.

then stupid facebook knocked me off my ass. i was signing on because i wanted to tell a friend thanks for something. and that stupid fucking newsfeed: [the Banker] has posted 4 photos. what?! the Banker doesn't even really like to take pictures nonetheless POST them online. but it was right there in front of my face. four pictures posted by the Banker. two pictures of him by himself, one picture of the girl he's seeing in NYC and one picture of the two of them together. and i wish i was lying when i said that my heart stopped a little bit and i had to put down the phone when i saw those pictures. for someone who has absolutely no pictures on FB its a pretty big freaking deal that he just put up 4 pictures.

yes, i know that the end of the Banker and i was initiated by me and he just agreed to it. yes, i know that being with him was/is not what i need and/or want. but that does not mean that i want to see pictures of him w/his new girl splashed all over FB.

i really wish that seeing those pictures didn't fuck with my head. i really do. but i'd be lying if i said that. you never want someone to move on with someone new before you do. and it's not just that. there's all the other little things, the doubts and the worries (was he seeing here while we were dating? was he so agreeable to us stopping dating because of her? why in gods name would he even post those fucking pictures?) too. ugh. i know, i know. i blogged a couple of days ago about when carrie was obsessing over her breakup with big and her friends couldn't take it. i realize right this very second i am doing the same thing and y'all probably can't take it either. so that's why it goes here first. so it's nice and diluted and hopefully a little easier to take when it gets to y'all.

stupid stupid fucking FB. stupid stupid fucking Banker. stupid stupid head that is still connected to stupid stupid heart that still finds a way to have feelings for the Banker.

i really really thought that i was ambivalent about the Banker. out of sight, out of mind right? and i guess it was pretty easy for me to put him to the back of my mind and not think about him since we haven't talked in awhile and i haven't seen him in over a month. but then there he is all over my FB homepage screaming in my fucking ear.

SHIT.

the one where i only have one thing to say

2008-12-30T23:24:00.002-05:00

okay so i was at target browsing through magazines and read a quote from kim of the real housewives of atlanta that i just HAD to share.

kim is describing the upcoming season two of the show when she says: "people are going to see an independent side of me. i'm going to be dating wealthy men and finding a man"

i absolutely DIED. too good not to share!!

and if you live under a rock and don't know the show, check this out http://www.bravotv.com/Real_Housewives_Of_Atlanta/season/1/index.php

the one where i am sick of the texting!

2008-12-29T23:41:00.003-05:00

today i talked to SouthGA about this guy that was interested in her but essentially refuses to call her. he will only text her. and SouthGA hates texting and so usually when he texts her, she calls him back and they talk. usually for quite awhile. and he always ends the conversation by saying something along the lines of "well if you get bored and want to hang out, give me a call". and she's like, why don't you call me when you get bored. so he never calls and just texts her all the time. and its driving her nuts. when we spoke, i realized that it drives me nuts too! for one thing, i have a limited amount of texts and have to pay if i go over that amount. but mainly, it bugs me because it's so frustrating to try to have a conversation via text message. my general rule is that if you are texting back and forth more than 2x, it warrants a phone call.

what the heck happened to calling?! i know a lot of men who do this texting instead of calling thing. in fact, i just called AHS out about it tonight. i really don't know the thought process behind it (if you do, PLEASE enlighten me!) but i think it's just lazy! pick up the freakin phone and dial my number. i refuse to have a conversation via text message. that is ridiculous. this goes hand in hand with another problem that i observe often...

what the heck happened to dating? to being courted?! i know that we live in the age of hookups and no commitment everything, but is it really to much to want a man who calls, asks you out on a date, takes the time to plan an evening and expects nothing in return beyond your company. is that too much to expect?

the one where i just don't know what i want

2008-12-29T19:46:00.002-05:00

today i had an interview with a legal recruiting agency. i have been thinking about legal recruiting as a possible career change for awhile now. i thought it sounded like the perfect choice for me. this particular agency does no cold calling, our clients apply to join by submitting their resume and then they can browse available jobs through the website and it proceeds from there. it's a very social job that involves working intensely with both law firms and attorneys and the social aspect is a big plus. i have learned that what i'm good at is being social. it sounds silly, but its true. i'm a people person and getting to help people, being around people is where i excel. my ideal job involves a LOT of talking. and being a consultant for this particular company matches that perfectly. not to mention, there is a lot of income potential.

however, the Parents were quick to remind me that while that may be a good option for me now, am i going to want to actually practice law in the future? and that's a question i don't know the answer to. i mean, i like the law. but i'm really only interested in practicing if it involves employment law. and to be honest, even when i did that during my clerking days, it wasn't that exciting. i just don't know. not that i need to have an answer now because i don't have a job offer or anything close yet, but it's something to think about. would i feel somehow less than if i wasn't practicing law? i don't think so. i think i could be happy teaching or writing or traveling. and being a consultant for this agency would involve helping people, which is appealing but i could set my own schedule and work from home. which means more time with the Dog!

but, i don't know, what if i decide i want to practice law again? would i be unable to do that later? of course, i could always start my own practice. i just don't know.

i think the main thing is, i want to feel good about the work i am doing.

i also want someone to come in and arrange my life for me! any takers?

there's this john mayer song called "something's missing" and that's how i felt at my old job. the thing i'm most looking forward to is not feeling like that again.

the one where i harassed AHS and made him go out

2008-12-27T18:55:00.004-05:00

AHS and i hung out last night. although i must say, i had to practically strong arm him into getting out of ths house. he was griping about $ and such, and i asked if he was frugal or cheap and he said both...and broke. ah, the student life. :) or the life of an unemployed attorney, i suppose. so once i finally convinced AHS to leave the house we had a really nice night. we ate dinner at Pizzeria Unos and then saw Seven Pounds. i must say, i was a little surprised when AHS (mr. broke/cheap/frugal) paid for both the movie tickets and dinner. i did buy the popcorn and soda (coke zero) of course. i think he paid solely so he could make fun of me at dinner. apparently he doesn't watch sex and the city and has no interest in hearing about all my favorite episodes, regardless of how applicable they are to my life and probably to his life, too. whatev. and maybe i talk about the Dog every five minutes. doesn't every puppy (or kitty, Agnes!) parent? anyway, who knew AHS was such a softie? he confessed that if he had been alone in the theater, he would've cried a few times. of course, i did shed a tear or two but nothing like i was expecting.

i have a lot more to say, but am so freaking exhausted. as part of my christmas resolutions, i've been running...and it is wearing my ass out. so that's it for now...more to come soon.

the one about 808s and heartbreak

2008-12-26T21:06:00.003-05:00

i must say, i really really like kanye's new album. i'm a lyrics girl and i think this album has some good ones.

"you think your shit don't stink, but you're mrs. P.U." - see you in my nightmares.

this is classic. i love it. i know outkast said it first, but i just love it. how many people do we all know who from their descriptions are just perfect, but in fact, they are the most f-ed up?! love it, love it, love it.

"you worried about the wrong things" - paranoid.

so true.half the stuff i find myself freaking out about is really in the grand scheme of things not that important. i mean, really, is it necessary that i freak out because my mother still treats me like i'm 15? probably not. i am constantly worried about the wrong things. i wonder if i do this in relationships as well? of course not...i'm perfect :)

"i told her there's some things she don't need to know. she never let it go..." - robocop.

"shorty kind of crazy, but it turns me on." - robocop.

"you spoiled little LA girl" - robocop.

so, the three above lyrics i love. first there's the whole theme of the crazy, psycho girlfriend who is constantly checking up on her boyfriend. but i tell you what. i am probably one of the most trusting people ever. i generally take people for their words and believe what they tell me. at least i did until i got entangled with the Banker. okay. so this is a story i'd only previously shared with Agnes, but i'll put a little bit of it out there. i guess the Banker and i had been seeing each other for about three months. we had gotten in some stupid fight and i felt really bad. so it was about 12am i believe. and in the course of our fight, he had said he was going to bed, etc etc. i tried to call him around 12am and had no response. i decided i would go and leave him a note/see if he was awake. [note: i do realize that it is NOT okay to go over to someone's home unannounced and i never do that, but i felt pretty awful. besides if his lights were off, i was just going to leave a note.] so anyway, i pull down his street and what do i see? of course, it's pretty obvious from my set up. there was some strange car in his driveway. at 12am. after he told me he was going to bed about 10pm. so, i called him, and he didn't answer of course. i left him a tearful message saying how i had felt bad and wanted to apologize but (cue sad dramatic voice) someone else was already there. i felt awful. i drove home and somehow managed to fall asleep. the next morning, i was taking the world's longest shower and he had called about 15 times and left me multiple messages saying that it wasn't what it looked like, it wasn't what i thought, etc. blah blah blah. i answered the next time he called and he proceeded to tell me some ridiculous but maybe plausible explanation. and at that point, i realized i had a choice. i could accept his explanation or i could stop seeing him. for various reasons (i'm a little daft at times, the "exercise" was quite good, i really did like him and enjoy his company, etc etc) i chose to accept his explanation and move on. except that after that night, i never ever really trusted the Banker. when he would tell me things i often didn't believe him. and so, it didn't surprise me when one day a couple of weeks after the incident, i was at his house and when he left to go get some food and left his email open, i took a more than cursory glance at the screen. i couldn't believe i was doing it, but i couldn't stop myself. and of course i saw something i shouldn't have. you always do when you go searching for shit. but that's the thing about snooping. you can't credibly confront someone with information you are not supposed to have and expect it to ever go in your favor. so you just become more distant, less connected and you withdraw further and further. in the end, of course, the Banker and i didn't work out for numerous reasons. but my point is that i can understand what the robocop girlfriend kanye is describing is going through. she never set out to be that way. but i bet she saw something or he did something and it inevitably got back to her and she just couldn't help herself. i'm not defending my behavior, all i'm saying is it takes two to create that kind of situation.

so kanye, while i feel your lyrics, i'm willing to bet that "robocop" is a wee bit skewed...that's all :)

in other unrelated news, i decided today that AHS needs to introduce me to some people in MD/DC. since he lives here, i feel like it's a pretty good plan. unfortunately he didn't seem as psyched as i was. well, let me rephrase, he didn't seem as optimistic as i am. but, honestly, who is? i mean, he's in school, he knows people. he has a brother that lives here, his brother knows people. come on, AHS! i'm just asking you to find people to help entertain me. is that really too much? :) i certainly think not!

the one where it was christmas eve!

2008-12-24T21:01:00.002-05:00

i love holidays! really, any excuse for a celebration is good with me. but out of them all, christmas is my absolute favorite and has been for years. give me mariah carey's christmas cd and i'm golden! i may actually enjoy christmas eve moreso than christmas. i always go up to my room around 9ish, shut the door and wrap all my gifts while playing mariah carey christmas, the temptations "silent night", and kenny g christmas (don't judge - the man is talented). probably the best thing about christmas eve is the fact that still, after about 18 years of wrapping my own presents, i am the worse gift wrapper ever. my gifts are identifiable because they'll look cute from the top...but do not flip that bad boy over. it looks like something a toddler has done. it would actually be quite embarrassing if it was anyone but my parents/sister/brother in law/random other family members. what can i say? i can't be good at everything :)

i also revert back to a five year old christmas eve/morning. i still have trouble falling asleep christmas eve even though i'm 26 years old and generally have a good idea what my gifts will be. and then i wake up super early. at least i'm a little better about that now. when i was younger, my sister and i would wake up, go downstairs, scope out all the gifts and discuss what we thought each one was and then go wake up the Parents. eventually, the Parents got sick of that shit and created a rule stating that we could not wake them up before 6. yes, we would wake up so early that we needed a 6 am rule. as we (okay, mainly me) got older the rule was adjusted to 7 and then 8. now i usually wake up around 8 am, so its perfect! i also insist on playing santa and handing out every christmas gift. i can't help it, it's my favorite!

so i think for this year's christmas resolution (i make christmas resolutions, not NYE -- who wants to commit to something while drunk??) i think i'm going to keep it simple.

1. find a job that will not cause me to want to vomit every sunday night when i'm thinking about monday morning.

2. finally commit to taking care of myself by working out 3x week.

3. keep pampering the Dog. what can i say, she deserves it!

4. call home more often.

and i think that's about all i can promise right now. all very doable, and very reasonable if i can say so myself!