the one where i only have one thing to say

okay so i was at target browsing through magazines and read a quote from kim of the real housewives of atlanta that i just HAD to share.

kim is describing the upcoming season two of the show when she says: "people are going to see an independent side of me. i'm going to be dating wealthy men and finding a man"

i absolutely DIED. too good not to share!!

and if you live under a rock and don't know the show, check this out http://www.bravotv.com/Real_Housewives_Of_Atlanta/season/1/index.php

the one where i am sick of the texting!

today i talked to SouthGA about this guy that was interested in her but essentially refuses to call her. he will only text her. and SouthGA hates texting and so usually when he texts her, she calls him back and they talk. usually for quite awhile. and he always ends the conversation by saying something along the lines of "well if you get bored and want to hang out, give me a call". and she's like, why don't you call me when you get bored. so he never calls and just texts her all the time. and its driving her nuts. when we spoke, i realized that it drives me nuts too! for one thing, i have a limited amount of texts and have to pay if i go over that amount. but mainly, it bugs me because it's so frustrating to try to have a conversation via text message. my general rule is that if you are texting back and forth more than 2x, it warrants a phone call. 

what the heck happened to calling?! i know a lot of men who do this texting instead of calling thing. in fact, i just called AHS out about it tonight. i really don't know the thought process behind it (if you do, PLEASE enlighten me!) but i think it's just lazy! pick up the freakin phone and dial my number. i refuse to have a conversation via text message. that is ridiculous. this goes hand in hand with another problem that i observe often...

what the heck happened to dating? to being courted?! i know that we live in the age of hookups and no commitment everything, but is it really to much to want a man who calls, asks you out on a date, takes the time to plan an evening and expects nothing in return beyond your company. is that too much to expect? 

the one where i just don't know what i want

today i had an interview with a legal recruiting agency. i have been thinking about legal recruiting as a possible career change for awhile now. i thought it sounded like the perfect choice for me. this particular agency does no cold calling, our clients apply to join by submitting their resume and then they can browse available jobs through the website and it proceeds from there. it's a very social job that involves working intensely with both law firms and attorneys and the social aspect is a big plus. i have learned that what i'm good at is being social. it sounds silly, but its true. i'm a people person and getting to help people, being around people is where i excel. my ideal job involves a LOT of talking. and being a consultant for this particular company matches that perfectly. not to mention, there is a lot of income potential. 

however, the Parents were quick to remind me that while that may be a good option for me now, am i going to want to actually practice law in the future? and that's a question i don't know the answer to. i mean, i like the law. but i'm really only interested in practicing if it involves employment law. and to be honest, even when i did that during my clerking days, it wasn't that exciting. i just don't know. not that i need to have an answer now because i don't have a job offer or anything close yet, but it's something to think about. would i feel somehow less than if i wasn't practicing law? i don't think so. i think i could be happy teaching or writing or traveling. and being a consultant for this agency would involve helping people, which is appealing but i could set my own schedule and work from home. which means more time with the Dog! 

but, i don't  know, what if i decide i want to practice law again? would i be unable to do that later? of course, i could always start my own practice. i just don't know.

i think the main thing is, i want to feel good about the work i am doing.

i also want someone to come in and arrange my life for me! any takers?

there's this john mayer song called "something's missing" and that's how i felt at my old job. the thing i'm most looking forward to is not feeling like that again. 

the one where i harassed AHS and made him go out

AHS and i hung out last night. although i must say, i had to practically strong arm him into getting out of ths house. he was griping about $ and such, and i asked if he was frugal or cheap and he said both...and broke. ah, the student life.  :) or the life of an unemployed attorney, i suppose. so once i finally convinced AHS to leave the house we had a really nice night. we ate dinner at Pizzeria Unos and then saw Seven Pounds. i must say, i was a little surprised when AHS (mr. broke/cheap/frugal) paid for both the movie tickets and dinner. i did buy the popcorn and soda (coke zero) of course. i think he paid solely so he could make fun of me at dinner. apparently he doesn't watch sex and the city and has no interest in hearing about all my favorite episodes, regardless of how applicable they are to my life and probably to his life, too. whatev. and maybe i talk about the Dog every five minutes. doesn't every puppy (or kitty, Agnes!) parent? anyway, who knew AHS was such a softie? he confessed that if he had been alone in the theater, he would've cried a few times. of course, i did shed a tear or two but nothing like i was expecting. 

i have a lot more to say, but am so freaking exhausted. as part of my christmas resolutions, i've been running...and it is wearing my ass out. so that's it for now...more to come soon.

the one about 808s and heartbreak

i must say, i really really like kanye's new album. i'm a lyrics girl and i think this album has some good ones.

"you think your shit don't stink, but you're mrs. P.U." - see you in my nightmares.

this is classic. i love it. i know outkast said it first, but i just love it. how many people do we all know who from their descriptions are just perfect, but in fact, they are the most f-ed up?! love it, love it, love it.

"you worried about the wrong things" - paranoid.

so true.half the stuff i find myself freaking out about is really in the grand scheme of things not that important. i mean, really, is it necessary that i freak out because my mother still treats me like i'm 15? probably not. i am constantly worried about the wrong things. i wonder if i do this in relationships as well? of course not...i'm perfect :)

"i told her there's some things she don't need to know. she never let it go..." - robocop.

"shorty kind of crazy, but it turns me on." - robocop.

"you spoiled little LA girl" - robocop.

so, the three above lyrics i love. first there's the whole theme of the crazy, psycho girlfriend who is constantly checking up on her boyfriend. but i tell you what. i am probably one of the most trusting people ever. i generally take people for their words and believe what they tell me. at least i did until i got entangled with the Banker. okay. so this is a story i'd only previously shared with Agnes, but i'll put a little bit of it out there. i guess the Banker and i had been seeing each other for about three months. we had gotten in some stupid fight and i felt really bad. so it was about 12am i believe. and in the course of our fight, he had said he was going to bed, etc etc. i tried to call him around 12am and had no response. i decided i would go and leave him a note/see if he was awake. [note: i do realize that it is NOT okay to go over to someone's home unannounced and i never do that, but i felt pretty awful. besides if his lights were off, i was just going to leave a note.] so anyway, i pull down his street and what do i see? of course, it's pretty obvious from my set up. there was some strange car in his driveway. at 12am. after he told me he was going to bed about 10pm. so, i called him, and he didn't answer of course. i left him a tearful message saying how i had felt bad and wanted to apologize but (cue sad dramatic voice) someone else was already there. i felt awful. i drove home and somehow managed to fall asleep. the next morning, i was taking the world's longest shower and he had called about 15 times and left me multiple messages saying that it wasn't what it looked like, it wasn't what i thought, etc. blah blah blah. i answered the next time he called and he proceeded to tell me some ridiculous but maybe plausible explanation. and at that point, i realized i had a choice. i could accept his explanation or i could stop seeing him. for various reasons (i'm a little daft at times, the "exercise" was quite good, i really did like him and enjoy his company, etc etc) i chose to accept his explanation and move on. except  that after that night, i never ever really trusted the Banker. when he would tell me things i often didn't believe him. and so, it didn't surprise me when one day a couple of weeks after the incident, i was at his house and when he left to go get some food and left his email open, i took a more than cursory glance at the screen. i couldn't believe i was doing it, but i couldn't stop myself. and of course i saw something i shouldn't have. you always do when you go searching for shit. but that's the thing about snooping. you can't credibly confront someone with information you are not supposed to have and expect it to ever go in your favor. so you just become more distant, less connected and you withdraw further and further. in the end, of course, the Banker and i didn't work out for numerous reasons. but my point is that i can understand what the robocop girlfriend kanye is describing is going through. she never set out to be that way. but i bet she saw something or he did something and it inevitably got back to her and she just couldn't help herself. i'm not defending my behavior, all i'm saying is it takes two to create that kind of situation. 

so kanye, while i feel your lyrics, i'm willing to bet that "robocop" is a wee bit skewed...that's all :)

in other unrelated news, i decided today that AHS needs to introduce me to some people in MD/DC. since he lives here, i feel like it's a pretty good plan. unfortunately he didn't seem as psyched as i was. well, let me rephrase, he didn't seem as optimistic as i am. but, honestly, who is? i mean, he's in school, he knows people. he has a brother that lives here, his brother knows people. come on, AHS! i'm just asking you to find people to help entertain me. is that really too much? :) i certainly think not!

the one where it was christmas eve!

i love holidays! really, any excuse for a celebration is good with me. but out of them all, christmas is my absolute favorite and has been for years. give me mariah carey's christmas cd and i'm golden! i may actually enjoy christmas eve moreso than christmas. i always go up to my room around 9ish, shut the door and wrap all my gifts while playing mariah carey christmas, the temptations "silent night", and kenny g christmas (don't judge - the man is talented). probably the best thing about christmas eve is the fact that still, after about 18 years of wrapping my own presents, i am the worse gift wrapper ever. my gifts are identifiable because they'll look cute from the top...but do not flip that bad boy over. it looks like something a toddler has done. it would actually be quite embarrassing if it was anyone but my parents/sister/brother in law/random other family members. what can i say? i can't be good at everything :)

i also revert back to a five year old christmas eve/morning. i still have trouble falling asleep christmas eve even though i'm 26 years old and generally have a good idea what my gifts will be. and then i wake up super early. at least i'm a little better about that now. when i was younger, my sister and i would wake up, go downstairs, scope out all the gifts and discuss what we thought each one was and then go wake up the Parents. eventually, the Parents got sick of that shit and created a rule stating that we could not wake them up before 6. yes, we would wake up so early that we needed a 6 am rule. as we (okay, mainly me) got older the rule was adjusted to 7 and then 8. now i usually wake up around 8 am, so its perfect! i also insist on playing santa and handing out every christmas gift. i can't help it, it's my favorite!

so i think for this year's christmas resolution (i make christmas resolutions, not NYE -- who wants to commit to something while drunk??) i think i'm going to keep it simple. 

1. find a job that will not cause me to want to vomit every sunday night when i'm thinking about monday morning.

2. finally commit to taking care of myself by working out 3x week.

3. keep pampering the Dog. what can i say, she deserves it!

4. call home more often.

and i think that's about all i can promise right now. all very doable, and very reasonable if i can say so myself!

the one where sex and the city is my therapy

the Dog and i are headed into the city a little later this afternoon to spend some time with LS BFF. i'm pretty excited, as i haven't seen LS BFF in quite awhile. it's also really really close to christmas, which is always exciting. 

so, today i was thinking about this one episode of sex and the city. if you know me at all, you know that i'm a little...obsessed with that show (and movie). i just think it's incredibly smart, well written and above all, accurate. anyway, there's this one episode after i think the second time carrie and big break up and carrie is constantly obsessing over it. she can't deal and her friends can't deal with her obsessions. so they recommend she go obsess to someone better prepared to handle her neurosis. carrie starts  seeing a shrink, even though she doesn't really buy the whole therapy thing.  her therapist tells her that her problem seems to be that she chooses the wrong men. carrie thinks this is bullshit. she doesn't choose the wrong men, they just happen to find her. a couple of sessions after her therapist says this, she meets a cute guy while visiting her therapist and they go on a couple dates. they sleep together and afterwards, carrie asks him why he is in therapy. his response is classic. he says: "i'm really fucked up about women. after i sleep with them once, i completely lose interest." as carrie lies there in horror, he asks why she is in therapy. she responds: "i choose the wrong men." 

i think that every woman can relate to this episode. who hasn't  been in denial about the reason her relationships don't work, only to finally realize that she is the reason they don't work. i guess the reason i was thinking about this today, is because i was thinking about the Banker. i knew early on that we wanted different things. but i pushed all that aside and continue on like all was gravy. and in the end, of course, it wasn't. so i guess the question, why was i willing to ignore what i wanted to temporary gratification of hanging out with the Banker? it's a good question and to be honest, i'm not entirely comfortable with the answer. i think that i thought that if we hung out enough our wants would fall in line -- one of us (hopefully him, though right?) would adjust and then we'd be on the same track. of course, that  didn't happen and in the process it caused me a lot of stress. i am  a big huge believer in learning from each experience and i think one of the main things i learned with the Banker is how important it is to trust your gut. i started feeling pretty uncomfortable with our situation months before i did anything about it and i'm disappointed in myself for that. 

you know, i talk a lot of shit about the Banker, but i can't fault him for who he is. yeah, he's a little sketchy and i don't think he's trustworthy. but if i felt that way in august, i should've left him in august, not october. that's my bad, not his. 

the best thing about this move is going to be the whole starting over part. i have always loved that part of moving. so much is new and exciting and shiny and pretty. its like the first month in a relationship.  :) of course, i'm trying to convince about three different girl friends to move up here, too,which hopefully won't be much of a challenge...come on Agnes, BFF and SouthGA!