the one where i wish i could say something...

the ex is getting married in august. i've known this for over a year and when i first heard he was engaged, i was honestly thrilled for him. okay, maybe thrilled is a bit strong, but i was genuinely happy for him. well, that was back in 2008. now it's 2 months before the wedding and i don't like it. for many reasons:

1. i do not think he is ready to marry this woman. i saw the ex when i was in atlanta for my college reunion and he did not appear in the least like a man who was excited to be getting married in a few months. he told BFF and i how he and his fiance haven't had relations in forever. i mean, really?! first, the fact that he told us is a big sign. why on earth would you share that information with your ex girlfriend and her best friend?? second, why the heck aren't they behaving like rabbits?? from what i've heard, the sex is supposed to go AFTER you are married, not before. i know from experience with the ex that no loving = NOT a happy relationship.
2. going along with number 1, the ex sent a few inappropriate texts that weekend while i was in atlanta. nothing crazy, just things that i know his fiance would not appreciate. 
3. of course, an obvious reason i don't like it is just because. the ex and i went through hell and back together and though i know its over and have moved on, it is incredibly strange that he is marrying someone else.

the other piece of this puzzle is that the ex's fiance absolutely hates me and everything i stand for. we've never met but she despises me. and i get that. however, it means that when the ex and i meet up for lunch or whatnot, he's sneaking around to do it. after what happened in atlanta, i decided that i was not comfortable with that anymore. i kind of figured it would just taper off, because let's be honest, i'm not in atlanta THAT much anymore and he's rarely up in dc. but of course, because this is my life, i received an email from him a few days back stating that he'll be in MD in june and would like to see me. he then said that he wasn't sure if it was possible and he'd have to see if he could "sneak out".  i wrote back that i would love to see him but questioned why he had to sneak out and if we would have to be friends "on the down low" for the rest of eternity. he hasn't responded yet. i'm not surprised.

the thing is, the ex is a good man. he's not a cheater, a bad person, or a sneaky guy. that's part of why his behavior is so troublesome. i don't like it and i think its indicative of some deep rooted trust issues in his relationship. of course, his current behavior makes that not a shocking observation. 

the one where i was thinking of you

i can't articulate the words, but luckily doria roberts has done it for me:

sitting looking through pictures

i come across your face

just one look and i'm reeling

got my thoughts all over the place

i'm gathering the courage

now i'm dialing your phone

thank god there's no answer

thank god you're not home

what would i say?

what would you do?

if i had said, well i was thinking of you

so i'm left with the questions

of what had become of our love

did it wither and dry like the dust in the wind in the summertime?

or is it a legend like the stars up above?

but now i have to pinch myself

bring it back to reality

you're no longer in my picture

you no longer belong to me

thinking of you...

the one about the biggest loser

okay, so i love the biggest loser. a lot. i'm kind of obsessed with it and it's definitely one of my favorite shows. and although a LOT of my friends make fun of me and my obsession, i truly believe it's a quality show. this is why:

• it's a reality show about something positive. don't get me wrong, i love trashy "reality" shows like the hills, the real housewives series, etc. but it's nice to settle in every tuesday night with a show that's about something we can all relate to: losing weight.
• bob and jillian are awesome. i have been doing the new biggest loser bootcamp video and that shit is tough. bob kicks ass. jillian isn't on the video, but watch the show. she kicks ass too.
• the show freaking saves lives. i am often brought to tears seeing the transformations that take place on the show. it's incredible and such a good reminder of what some good ole fashioned hard work can do. everyone wants a quick fix for losing weight, but there is none. surgery doesn't always work. extreme diets can't last. but working out and eating healthfully works. and this show proves that time and time again. 

love it!