the one about rihanna/the ny post

so, i thought i was done bitching for the night. but actually i'm not. i read far too many blogs and websites during the average day. what can i say, that's just what happens when you're unemployed. i've seen a lot of things lately calling for a boycott of the new york post due to that terrible cartoon that they published last week. people are really up in arms about it. 

but yet...

a young woman of color is brutally beaten by her superstar boyfriend and no one gives a shit. yes, i know - the case hasn't gone to court yet, etc etc. but let's be real. everyone knows he beat her ass just like everyone knows oj did it (yep, i said it. hate if you must). and no one seems to care. no one is calling for a boycott of chris brown and his music or his music label. no one seems concerned. 

but yet...

domestic violence disproportionally affects african-american women. the stats are a little fuzzy, but domestic violence is one of the leading causes of death for african-american women aged 18-45. this is a serious issue. and all anyone can say is (and i won't get into this more because i've already commented on this aspect of the situation ad nasuem) "what'd she do? what'd she do?"

but yet...

let it have been a white man who beat up a black women. or even worse, a white man beating up a black man (as we saw with rodney king, amadou diallo, sean bell, etc)...when that happens, we have press conferences, we have jesse jackson, we have nonstop news coverage. and i'm not saying we shouldn't. we should. we should be outraged when our young men are brutalized and our communities are shattered. 

but yet...

shouldn't we be just as enraged when our young women are brutalized? where's the outrage? where's jesse jackson? where's the nonstop news coverage?? 

the one where i am bitching

yep, i'm feeling pretty bitchy, so if i were you (especially you Banker and AHS) i'd skip this one. i'm just so irritated and fed up. really it's about 97% the Banker and about 3% AHS. so maybe AHS can read this. but the Banker shoud really skip it.

the Banker is such an annoyance. i'm thinking of cutting him out of my life completely. i probably should've done it awhile ago, but i have a hard time doing that. once i decided to stop ignoring him and actually keep in contact he started acting like an ass again. i think he's out. he's such a selfish idiot. he actually had the nerve to get mad at me because i didn't want to talk to him about some personal topics (i.e. the details of my being laid off and also if i'm dating). that infuriated me! it's like he thinks i owe him something. in this case, information. ugh. what an ass. what really gets me going is that today he sent me some annoying, juvenile text about how i'm ignoring him again. he doesn't seem to make the connection between me ignoring him and him being an ass. 

as for AHS, i'm just a little perplexed by him. when i was home over christmas we talked frequently and hung out often and it was great. then i went back to bama and it was like i had ran over his dog. i swear, he all of a sudden never calls and apparently refuses to respond to emails. i don't get it. i know he's back in school now, but i also know that means that he has plenty of time in class to slack off (ah hem, not that i ever did that, i'm just sayin...). also, i know he has some ridiculous cell phone issues...but GOOD GRIEF!! 

okay, i'm done w/the bitching for now. tomorrow morning is my first day pro bono-ing at the washington lawyers committee for civil rights and urban affairs and i am thrilled to be able to do some awesome pro bono work. yay!

the one where i am freaking out a wee bit

so, as i've mentioned match guy and i were supposed to meet up for lunch this week. i suggested tuesday or wednesday and he just suggested thursday. and gave me his number to call him! i don't like the phone w/people i don't know. do i have to call him? or can i just email him back? also, i don't know how i feel about thursday. i was planning on going to this game night thing in the city. perhaps i should suggest we meet there? i need HELP!!

also - can i just say how much i love our president? he's fantastic. and so inspiring. i adore him and am so happy he was elected. i know that things are dire and he inherited a lot of shit. but i am so impressed by him and damnit, can i just say it - he is pretty hot. i think samantha on SATC said it best..."our country runs better with a good looking man at the helm". i certainly agree. 

the one where i am exhausted

i just had a fantastic weekend in VA, on a "ski" trip with friends from LS. i didn't ski, but relaxed and just really had a wonderful time. we got in late friday, partied until about 4:30 am and then chilled out all saturday. it was so fun, but i was a little bummed we couldn't go tubing. oh well, next time for sure. 

i am exhausted. i just can't rock it out like i used to. okay, i take that back. i can - i just need some serious recovery time afterwards. 

so, this guy on match wants to meet this week. he's pretty cute. i have told him i can do lunch sometime this week. i'm a fan of lunch dates because there's so much less pressure. i'm not sure what day we are doing it. i'm thinking tuesday or wednesday...Agnes has just recently had a positive experience w/a guy from match so i'm excited. since our love lives constantly parallel each others, if she's doing well with match, i'm confident i will do :)

the one filled with promise

so, i promise to update very soon. i am going skiing (not that i'll be skiing - i'll be drinking and snowtubing) this weekend so when i return, i will provide updates.

there are many things to share:

1. a guy from match.com wants to meet up

2. pro bono position

3. part time job decision

i guess that's not many. but it's something. i'm back on sunday!

the one about the twilight books

i just finished reading the complete twilight saga written by stephanie meyer. in case you haven't read the books (which i highly encourage, i LOVED them!), the basic premise is an ordinary high school junior falls in love with an immortal vampire. the series follows everything that happens to this couple and their friends and family. after i finished the last book, i started reading some reviews of the series. there is a lot of criticism of the books, most of it centering on the fact that the book is apparently "anti-feminist".

now, one label that i proudly claim is feminist. in fact, i often get pissed that people treat feminism like it's a dirty word. but back to the twilight books. i was really dismayed to read that some consider the books to be an affront to women and an affront to feminism. the main claim is that because bella (the main character) becomes depressed when her boyfriend leaves her, the books are a set back to women everywhere. the critics argue that bella is weak and the anti-feminist because she depends on the men in her life.

i disagree. i think the book accurately describes the desperation that a woman (or a man) can sometimes feel when their soul mate leaves them. i've felt that way, my girlfriends have felt that way, and my guy friends have felt that way. i think it's realistic. i also think that a big problem with feminism is that people try to put it into a box and think that feminism means one thing. in my head, feminism is about choice and it's about supporting women and their rights and benefiting women. 

and that's all i got to say about that.

the one about "family ties"

growing up as a military brat, you learn to be flexible and you get used to being the new kid. you also adjust to the smaller things, like never having a regular doctor, dentist, hairstylist, etc. you understand that you won't see your extended family often because you don't live near them. when my sister and i were growing up, my parents formed their own "extended family" of sorts. it was a group of about 4 0r 5 air force families where the parents were roughly the same age and they all had similar aged children. these families became just like family as we somehow managed to follow each other all across the united states. i've known this group of about 20 people since i was born and they are an important part of my life. 

this morning, my parents and i attended the dedication of two grandbabies in one of our extended families. it was a wonderful day and a great time. while we were sitting eating dinner, someone decided to start counting all of the grandchildren that have been born in the past decade or so. while they were counting and chiming in with "i can't believe our children have children" comments, i was doing some quick math of my own. out of the 4 sets of families present, out of the 11 children in those 4 families (including my own) i am one of 2 left who has not gotten married and/or had children. 2 out of 11! that blew my mind...i mean, when did everybody decide to go and get married/have kids? did i miss that meeting? 

it's one thing that now all my friends are getting married. it's another when the entire group of kids i grew up with have all decided (in some secret, hidden meeting, apparently) to make major life steps without me. i mean, i just wanted to scream - wait! we're not ready! and i guess, that's it. i'm not ready. so, in the interim i'll offer up babysitting services. or, on second thought, just drop by for a quick visits - kids are exhausting!

the one about feb 14

yay its valentine's day! a lot of people love this holiday and a lot of people hate it. i actually love most holidays but even when i was in relationships, i've always thought v-day was just a little silly. i mean, i love love but i'll say this - today i had multiple valentine's and am sleeping with the best one this evening (my sweet puppy) and i couldn't be happier.

happy valentine's day, everyone. i hope it was everything you hoped for :)

the one about "unconditional"

when i was 12 or 13, i met this guy. we'll call him TS. TS and i became fast friends and eventually it grew to something more. i don't exactly know how to describe it. we were best friends and romantic interest was there, but not there. does that make any sense? by the time i was 15, i was certain that i was in love, although we were never in a relationship and always dated other people. he was my best friend but so much more. and he was awful for me. anyone who knew me way back then (MJ, LH, etc) can tell you that. he was a "bad boy" and to put it lightly, was definitely bad for me. the thing is, during that time, i thought that i was doing the right thing by keeping him in my life. 

you see, i believed in "unconditional" love. i thought that loving him unconditionally meant that i was bound and beholden to love him no matter what. and by loving him no matter what, that meant that i couldn't walk out on him. i couldn't cut him out of my life. because if loving someone through horrific shit isn't unconditional love, then what is? 

like i said, we met when i was 12. i went to college, and fell in love with the Ex. i was completely honest with the Ex and he actually helped me through some of the worst stuff with TS.unfortunately, but not surprisingly, during this time, the Ex developed an extreme hatred for TS. shocker. but i persisted in keeping in touch with TS. not even just keeping in touch. i insisted that i should stay friends with TS because i was supposed to love him "unconditionally". yeah, the Ex didn't buy that bullshit either. TS was a MAJOR strain on our relationship. it all came to end one thanksgiving when, while driving 10 hours to my parent's house, the Ex gave me an ultimatum (well, he screamed an ultimatum - he was a wee bit pissed). he told me i either cut TS completely out of my life or he was done. of course, i did what anyone does when their back is up against the wall. i told him i'd cut TS out...but i didn't. of course, i couldn't. i was a believer in "unconditional" love. in the end, the Ex and i broke up (obviously) and i still maintained a distant friendship with TS. 

finally, well over a decade later, i realized that "unconditional" love might just be bullshit. or, at the very least, it was in the case of TS and i. i sickened of his shit, realized that he was the same exact person he was when i was 12, and (thank goodness) i had grown and changed in so many ways. i cut him out, even though i still care about him. i know i will never stop, but i also know what's best for me - and he ain't it.

so, what now, do i think about "unconditional" love? i think that i will love the man meant for me unconditionally, but i also don't know that i think love is enough. i know myself well enough to know that i fall easy, i get excited about people and things easily and its often tough for me to get the proper amount of perspective. i think that one of the good things about the Banker was i really felt like i was my best self with him. i truly felt like i learned from the loser i had previously dated and from the Ex and took those lessons and applied it to my relationship with the Banker. which gives me hope :)

the one still about rihanna

i admit it, i can't escape this chris brown / rihanna mess. i just read an excellent letter on huffington post that i think is so well written. here's the link http://www.huffingtonpost.com/charlotte-hilton-andersen/an-open-letter-to-rihanna_b_165472.html and that's all i have to say about that. :)

the one about the chris brown/rihanna mess

"what did she do to make him snap like that?" "i heard she did X, Y and Z - which is why he beat the crap out of her" BLAH BLAH BLAH. i am so freaking sick of hearing people speculate what rihanna "did" that "made" chris brown hit her. i swear the next him i see or hear someone ask a question along those lines, i am going to lose my shit. i am so disgusted at the blatant ignorance of some people. the question is NEVER "what did she do that made him hit/punch/whatever her" but ALWAYS "what the hell is wrong with HIM that violence is ever the answer". i am just so aghast that so many people don't seem to understand that. 

and what's worse are the few celebrity interviews i've read. terrence howard saying "chris will be okay. he's a great guy." um, okay, sure. he may be a great guy. but he beat up a woman. something ain't right. ugh, it's so incredibly disgusting. 

i'm seriously going to start defriending people on fb over this. because if you find this situation funny or really just are DYING to know what rihanna did to MAKE him flip out, i don't want to have shit to do with your ass. 

the one where i need to clarify...

hey, so about that scary age thing. it has NOTHING to do with actual age. it's just a basic formula. scary age = current age + 2. i don't think 28 (or any other age, really) is some inherently scary thing. i just like the idea of giving myself two years to find my "jamie" :) that's all, i swear.

the one about my dream

i had a very vivid dream last night...the kind where you wake up disappointed. i had a dream that i was dating some guy named jamie (anyone know a cute jamie??) and he had just proposed. with a HUGE ass rock. and then gave me a beautiful diamond bracelet. i know where the dream came from - i was watching platinum weddings last night before i went to bed and my ring/bracelet looked exactly like the girl's on that show. what's kind of amusing is that i barely remember jamie from the dream. in fact, he faded shortly after he gave me the ring/bracelet. but i do remember his parents. especially his dad. his dad loved me and his mom was the most adorable thing ever. it was so cute. and the ring was so pretty. i woke up and looked at my hand and sighed. 

i've decided that my new "scary/must settle down" age is going to be 28. if things ain't looking promising by the age of 28, i'll start to freak out. otherwise, life is good :)

the one about what it would take...

random, but i'm sitting here listening to some otis redding and i swear, that if a man sang to me and sounded like him, that'd be it. there is just something so appealing about that sound, that voice. it sounds so much older than his years (otis redding was only 26 when he was killed in that plane crash). i love old music. the sounds, the actual bands, i love it all. now, i love new music too...but they are very few 21st century songs that have made me think "oh wow...i'd marry the man who sang that to me". damn, otis...

the one about my toe

this is not very exciting, but hey, it's all i got. the Socialite recently wrote a blog entitled watching paint dry so i don't feel so bad about not living the most exciting life right now :)

anyway, my middle toe on my left foot is absolutely killing me. i can't imagine what's wrong. i'm pretty sure you can't break your toe without realizing it, right?

in other news, i'm not sure if i have shared this already, but i joined match.com recently. i'm only doing it for a month b/c i don't want to spend the money. i have to say, so far i'm not impressed. i have gotten and replied to some emails but it kind of sketches me out to think of actually going to meet someone...not that the person is going to be a nut or anything, but it just feels so forced as opposed to when you just see someone cute out and about. i don't know. 

oh, and the Banker has been calling about every other day. we've talked a couple times. it's been nice, but not so overly nice that i'm suspicious. yet. well, that's not entirely true. i am suspicious but i think it's much easier to be friendly when we are separated by 800 miles. kind of like how it's much easier for me to be nice to my mom when we are separated by 30+ miles :) i have to say, though, i'm trying very hard not to revert back to a 15 year old terror when it comes to my mom. we are hanging out tomorrow and i think it'll be fun. we're off to the newsuem and i'm excited. i'll let y'all know how it goes.

the one about the train

i forgot to write last night about this weird guy who i encountered on the train ride home. when i hopped on the train, it was quite empty and so i sat in a row of seats facing the front of the train and stretched my feet out on the row of seats in front of me facing the interior of the train.  a couple stops after i hop on, this guy gets on. even though 3/4 of the train is empty he sits in the seat where i'm resting my feet. so even though i'm pissed, i move my feet. and he's like, no, no keep your feet up. i just shake my head and move my feet. for the next 15 minutes or so, the guy keeps encouraging me to put my feet back up on the seat. and he keeps staring at me. at this point, i start to feel really sick, like i might even have to get off the train. psycho/foot fetish guy KEEPS staring and i'm starting to get really freaked out. so i just start reading twilight (woot woot! thanks LS BFF!) until he finally got off two stops before i did. ugh. i love the convenience of the train but hate the crazies.

also, the Banker is calling me fairly regularly now. we've only really talked once, but he's called quite a few times. i'm not ignoring his calls anymore, our schedules have just been conflicting. i'm not quite sure what he's trying to accomplish but i'm sure it'll give me plenty to blog about :)

the one where i'm a wee bit drunk

so, i'm apparently a little too used to living walking distance from pretty much every bar i go to. tonight i had dinner with LS BFF, Lifeboat and MS and i only had a couple glasses of wine and a cocktail. apparently that's all it takes. because i felt like i was goingto die on the metro ride home. and still kind of feel that way. damn. i had a point to writing this.

oh, i think the point is i'm going to have to put myself one a one drink limit when i'm driving/metroing home. and also - ugh i feel gross! when did my tolerance go to shit??

the one about 25 things

so everyone on fb is doing these "25 things" surveys where they list 25 things about themselves. i am jumping on the bandwagon but only on this blog...

1. i adore the children of my family and friends, but if we're not close, chances are good that i'm much more interested in meeting your dog rather than your children.
2. that being said, i'm quite certain i want to have children some day. however, the idea of giving birth to something the size of my dog is terrifying and i'm strongly considering adoption.
3. i love to learn. i always enjoyed school and if i could afford it i'd be a professional student -- 3L year of LS was amazing!
4. i really enjoy a glass of wine at the end of a day.
5. i love amusement parks. i used to be terrified of roller coasters until i was about 12 and my sister tricked me into riding on one. now, i love them. even though they still scare me shitless.
6. sometime in college i became terrified of horror movies. i think it was around the same time i saw the ring and the Ex was out of town. since then, i will not watch a scary movie unless i know for certain that i am having some kind of sleepover. and the Dog doesn't count.
7. i am constantly humbled by how blessed i am. i am working on being more thankful.
8. i am also trying to be a better listener and to really focus on one thing at a time. i find it really difficult to not multitask. my friends probably notice that they get  a lot of phone calls while i'm driving/walking the dog/doing laundry/etc. i'm working on it.
9. i LOVE dining out. i think it's one of life's pleasures to share a meal with a loved one.
10. music is incredibly important to me. i associate certain songs with seasons, people, and experiences. i have 8 days worth of songs on iTunes and it continues to grow.
11. i have never lived in one place more than four years consecutively. i'm looking to change this.
12. i like step classes, kickboxing classes and dance classes. they are cheesy but fun and really good stress relievers.
13. my life isn't exactly what i imagined when i was say, 20, but i'm happy for that. all the changes make it interesting.
14. i can cop an attitude quicker than you can say "boo", but i'm really quite sensitive.
15. i am 5'2.5 and i love being short.
16. i gained probably 25 pounds my first semester of LS. once i took them back off, i became incredibly weight conscious. i don't talk about it to many people, but i realize i probably have an unhealthy obsession with weight.
17. i'm incredibly curious about what my husband is going to be like. 
18. i have had wonderful educational experiences. i attended 3 very different high schools, a fantastic college and an excellent law school.
19. i really believe in education. i am hopeful that president obama will help fix our schools, starting with no child left behind. in my mind, that act is one of the biggest mistakes in education in recent history.
20. oftentimes when i hear music, i imagine a scene in an imaginary movie that is playing out while the song is playing.
21. i am much closer to my father than my mother. i'm working on improving my relationship with my mother and being more patient with her. 
22. i am constantly planning my wedding reception in my head. and with select friends. i'm not ready to get married -  i just want the party!
23. i could eat pizza 3x a day, everyday for the rest of my life and be content. as it is, i eat it probably 4x a week. however, because of my weight obsession, i mostly eat lean cuisine. i have learned to love it!
24. i was surprised by how devastated i was when i lost my college ring this summer. it really made me sad. of course i found it after i purchased a new one (for almost $500!)
25. i have always wanted to be a writer, but have never pursued it because i worry i'd never be good enough/have enough to say. so i write this blog to fulfill my urge to write. i am grateful to my friends who take the time to read it :)

the one about changes

so, i made it to dc. yay! my BFF came down and helped and now i'm home. it's nice, but very strange. essentially, i've gone from having 1,200 square feet of living space to now having approximately 350 square feet that i can claim as my own (my room + my very spacious closet!) - but its free and that's definitely what i need right now. 

something hilarious happened. friday, as i'm packing, the Attorney texted me to ask if i wanted to hang out and get some drinks. i replied back, "oh wow. i could've sworn i told you...i'm actually moving to dc as we speak..." he writes back that he was out of the loop and now that he finally has time for a date it looks like it won't happen. i'm like, um, hell NO it won't happen. ass. i swear. did he seriously think i was just waiting around hping that one day he'd call?! maybe its me. maybe i project an "i'm so desperate you can make me wait 2 months for a date and i'll still accept" vibe. hmmm. i guess its possible. either way, he finally got the point. oh, and then he sent me an email asking why i was leaving. i essentially wrote back "its personal and i don't want to discuss it". i swear. these men keep it interesting. 

speaking of men and interesting, when the Banker and i had dinner and he prompted me to tell him exactly why i cut him out of my life, one of the things i mentioned was him posting the fb album featuring his new NY chick (whom he claims isn't his girlfriend - when he said this i just smiled and said "okay". anytime he said something i thought was bullshit i just smiled sweetly and said "okay"). so i'm checking out his fb profile today (yes, i still do that...don't act like you wouldn't too!) and notice that the fb album is gone. interesting. 

last saturday i met a friend of a friend who was so cute (and i couldn't remember his name) i decided his name was Cutie. Cutie is precious. and has been calling me everyday even though we only hung out 2x and the second time consisted of me drunkenly singing a wide variety of karaoke songs (everything from "baby got back" to "redneck woman" to "billie jean"). it's so cute. and fun. although it won't go anywhere because i'm not about to do long distance, it's fun to get to know someone new. :)