the Dog and i are headed into the city a little later this afternoon to spend some time with LS BFF. i'm pretty excited, as i haven't seen LS BFF in quite awhile. it's also really really close to christmas, which is always exciting.
so, today i was thinking about this one episode of sex and the city. if you know me at all, you know that i'm a little...obsessed with that show (and movie). i just think it's incredibly smart, well written and above all, accurate. anyway, there's this one episode after i think the second time carrie and big break up and carrie is constantly obsessing over it. she can't deal and her friends can't deal with her obsessions. so they recommend she go obsess to someone better prepared to handle her neurosis. carrie starts seeing a shrink, even though she doesn't really buy the whole therapy thing. her therapist tells her that her problem seems to be that she chooses the wrong men. carrie thinks this is bullshit. she doesn't choose the wrong men, they just happen to find her. a couple of sessions after her therapist says this, she meets a cute guy while visiting her therapist and they go on a couple dates. they sleep together and afterwards, carrie asks him why he is in therapy. his response is classic. he says: "i'm really fucked up about women. after i sleep with them once, i completely lose interest." as carrie lies there in horror, he asks why she is in therapy. she responds: "i choose the wrong men."
i think that every woman can relate to this episode. who hasn't been in denial about the reason her relationships don't work, only to finally realize that she is the reason they don't work. i guess the reason i was thinking about this today, is because i was thinking about the Banker. i knew early on that we wanted different things. but i pushed all that aside and continue on like all was gravy. and in the end, of course, it wasn't. so i guess the question, why was i willing to ignore what i wanted to temporary gratification of hanging out with the Banker? it's a good question and to be honest, i'm not entirely comfortable with the answer. i think that i thought that if we hung out enough our wants would fall in line -- one of us (hopefully him, though right?) would adjust and then we'd be on the same track. of course, that didn't happen and in the process it caused me a lot of stress. i am a big huge believer in learning from each experience and i think one of the main things i learned with the Banker is how important it is to trust your gut. i started feeling pretty uncomfortable with our situation months before i did anything about it and i'm disappointed in myself for that.
you know, i talk a lot of shit about the Banker, but i can't fault him for who he is. yeah, he's a little sketchy and i don't think he's trustworthy. but if i felt that way in august, i should've left him in august, not october. that's my bad, not his.
the best thing about this move is going to be the whole starting over part. i have always loved that part of moving. so much is new and exciting and shiny and pretty. its like the first month in a relationship. :) of course, i'm trying to convince about three different girl friends to move up here, too,which hopefully won't be much of a challenge...come on Agnes, BFF and SouthGA!