the one about 808s and heartbreak

i must say, i really really like kanye's new album. i'm a lyrics girl and i think this album has some good ones.

"you think your shit don't stink, but you're mrs. P.U." - see you in my nightmares.
this is classic. i love it. i know outkast said it first, but i just love it. how many people do we all know who from their descriptions are just perfect, but in fact, they are the most f-ed up?! love it, love it, love it.

"you worried about the wrong things" - paranoid.
so true.half the stuff i find myself freaking out about is really in the grand scheme of things not that important. i mean, really, is it necessary that i freak out because my mother still treats me like i'm 15? probably not. i am constantly worried about the wrong things. i wonder if i do this in relationships as well? of course not...i'm perfect :)

"i told her there's some things she don't need to know. she never let it go..." - robocop.
"shorty kind of crazy, but it turns me on." - robocop.
"you spoiled little LA girl" - robocop.
so, the three above lyrics i love. first there's the whole theme of the crazy, psycho girlfriend who is constantly checking up on her boyfriend. but i tell you what. i am probably one of the most trusting people ever. i generally take people for their words and believe what they tell me. at least i did until i got entangled with the Banker. okay. so this is a story i'd only previously shared with Agnes, but i'll put a little bit of it out there. i guess the Banker and i had been seeing each other for about three months. we had gotten in some stupid fight and i felt really bad. so it was about 12am i believe. and in the course of our fight, he had said he was going to bed, etc etc. i tried to call him around 12am and had no response. i decided i would go and leave him a note/see if he was awake. [note: i do realize that it is NOT okay to go over to someone's home unannounced and i never do that, but i felt pretty awful. besides if his lights were off, i was just going to leave a note.] so anyway, i pull down his street and what do i see? of course, it's pretty obvious from my set up. there was some strange car in his driveway. at 12am. after he told me he was going to bed about 10pm. so, i called him, and he didn't answer of course. i left him a tearful message saying how i had felt bad and wanted to apologize but (cue sad dramatic voice) someone else was already there. i felt awful. i drove home and somehow managed to fall asleep. the next morning, i was taking the world's longest shower and he had called about 15 times and left me multiple messages saying that it wasn't what it looked like, it wasn't what i thought, etc. blah blah blah. i answered the next time he called and he proceeded to tell me some ridiculous but maybe plausible explanation. and at that point, i realized i had a choice. i could accept his explanation or i could stop seeing him. for various reasons (i'm a little daft at times, the "exercise" was quite good, i really did like him and enjoy his company, etc etc) i chose to accept his explanation and move on. except  that after that night, i never ever really trusted the Banker. when he would tell me things i often didn't believe him. and so, it didn't surprise me when one day a couple of weeks after the incident, i was at his house and when he left to go get some food and left his email open, i took a more than cursory glance at the screen. i couldn't believe i was doing it, but i couldn't stop myself. and of course i saw something i shouldn't have. you always do when you go searching for shit. but that's the thing about snooping. you can't credibly confront someone with information you are not supposed to have and expect it to ever go in your favor. so you just become more distant, less connected and you withdraw further and further. in the end, of course, the Banker and i didn't work out for numerous reasons. but my point is that i can understand what the robocop girlfriend kanye is describing is going through. she never set out to be that way. but i bet she saw something or he did something and it inevitably got back to her and she just couldn't help herself. i'm not defending my behavior, all i'm saying is it takes two to create that kind of situation. 

so kanye, while i feel your lyrics, i'm willing to bet that "robocop" is a wee bit skewed...that's all :)

in other unrelated news, i decided today that AHS needs to introduce me to some people in MD/DC. since he lives here, i feel like it's a pretty good plan. unfortunately he didn't seem as psyched as i was. well, let me rephrase, he didn't seem as optimistic as i am. but, honestly, who is? i mean, he's in school, he knows people. he has a brother that lives here, his brother knows people. come on, AHS! i'm just asking you to find people to help entertain me. is that really too much? :) i certainly think not!