the one about moving

so...i am sick of blogger. and switching to bigger and better. PLEASE come follow me at wordpress.

http://lifeandtimesofsashafierce.wordpress.com/

if you are following me, make sure to update your RSS feed. :)

the one where spring is awesome

i had an excellent night last night. i went to dinner with LS BFF, her BF, l, lo and (unexpectedly) AHS. we had a table outside, a pitcher of margaritas and life was good! it was delightful. then, i had the great idea that i would turn the tables and start catcalling groups of men that were walking by. talk about amazing. i freaking love acting like a man! the men were so surprised when they realized i was hollerin' at them. so cute. :)

then l and i went to patty boom boom for some reggae music. it's a total sweatbox in that place, but we had a good time. the rum punch is a-ma-zing! kind of strong, but totally delicious. AND the bartender was HOT. so...i did what any red blooded gal would do and left him my number on the bill. and he has been texting me all day! it's pretty funny because now i can't remember anything about him except he was hot. and i never introduced myself so he has no idea who he's texting. but it's kind of fun.

i blame all of this on spring fever. yelling at men! leaving numbers for bartenders! what can i say - it's finally nice out!!

the one about unexpected fun nights

i love nights where you think you aren't going to stay out late, aren't going to drink much, you aren't looking to meet anyone...and then all of the above happens! so last night, i attended a wetting-down party at a local bar. it was pretty awesome, all you could drink beer/wine and all around good times. when my girls and i walked into the bar, we were pretty cold since we had walked there. right when we walked in, a guy came up and introduced himself to us. he said his name was michael. as we were shaking hands, i kind of refused to let his hand go because it was so warm. i told him this and then he really concentrated on warming my hands...it was kinda cute. right off the bat, i liked this guy's style. he had this cute little beret on and it was adorable. we entered the party and proceeded to have a really good time. everyone there was super nice and i got a chance to talk to hand warmer a few times during the evening. i decided early on that i was totally in love with hand warmer. well, not really, but it was fun to say it.

towards the end of the night, i had lost track of hand warmer. i was convinced that he had already left and was slightly bummed. then...he appeared!! somehow, hand warmer, one of the new lieutenants, l, and i all decided that since we were being kicked out of the bar, we needed to move on to another one. so we did. and it was delightful. i learned that hand warmer is an alabama fan! and had even been to some of the same game watch parties that i go to!! seriously, what are the odds? so he is kind of cute, i'm kind of smitten and the night was kind of amazing. here's hoping he calls. :)

the one about my date

so, last night i went on a date with a guy i met from match. it was fine, but no real sparks. this also is a little superficial, but he has bad teeth. i HATE bad teeth (seriously, ask my friends...i can't handle it). the guy was nice enough, but spent a lot of time talking about how much he hated women/people who were bourgeois...then talked about he was disappointed when he met some woman and she was "just a teacher." i was really not impressed.

then it turns out that he's the little brother of a girl that i went to LS with. this girl was cool, we weren't super close, but definitely friendly. he is VERY different from his sister. she's cool and he's...kind of not. i just really wasn't feeling it. he's a nice enough guy, i guess. except that he told me that an ex had told him that he was verbally abusive. GREAT! just the man i want. honestly, he seemed to have a huge chip on his shoulder. i do not think i'll go out with him again.

but...it could have been worse. he could have been absolutely awful. i guess i'll call this one a good way to get back into the dating scene? back to the drawing board...

the one where it's valentine's day

it's valentine's day. i have never particularly cared for valentine's day. not because i hate the world or i hate couples or anything like that. i just hate the long waits at restaurants (when i worked at houston's we would run a 3 hour wait on v-day. ridiculous. who WERE those people?!) and i hate that it's categorized as a holiday that women care about so much. my best valentine's day was when the ex and i went to the circus. it was so fun. regardless, it's a big holiday and today two unsettling things happened that forced me to think about valentine's day.

first, the ex sent me a text this afternoon. yes, not earth shattering news, i know. but let me back up. the ex told me not quite a month ago, that his wife was freaking out about us being facebook friends. he would have to defriend me and he might even delete his fb account. keep in mind, that i NEVER write on his call, comment on things he says/posts/etc. we have NO fb contact at all. i am just listed on his friends list. well, i was, at least. after he told me that she was pissed, he defriended me. he also informed me he was pissed about the whole thing and thanks for being understanding, blah blah blah. cut to about 1:45 pm. he sends me a text message wishing me a happy valentine's day. are you freakin' serious dude? it's valentine's day. you are married with twins on the way. the LAST thing i want is to hear from you. sigh.

THEN, the banker calls me. i was so shocked i literally just stared at the phone. he didn't leave a message so i have no idea what he wanted. but i don't understand why all these exes feel the need to text/call on freaking valentine's day. just let me be.

the one about snomg!

yep. it is snowy as shit out there. it's also windy - like, 40mph windy. yikes! although i've gotten out a fair amount during the blizzard of 2010 (gym, gro., cvs, dinner a few times), i am starting to go a wee bit stir crazy. mainly i'm thinking how much fun it would be to have a snowy booty call. of course, i am on a new thing where i only spend that kind of intimate time with dudes if i really like them. yes, i know. i read that steve harvey book and i have to admit, that steve made sense. so, no more messing around with cocoa k. cocoa k is a decent dude, but i don't really have feelings for him, so why keep faking the funk?

with that being said, sometimes i really wish i could just call someone up to get snowed in with. i'm getting bored, damnit! have you read the weather forecast in dc?! sigh. sometimes being mature sucks.

i will say this, though...if i had some viable recycling options in dc, i'd be so freakin' environmentally friendly right now, it ain't even funny... :)

the one where i couldn't help myself

i don't normally plug shops, restaurants, bars, etc on my blog. but i am so excited about this new wine/sandwich shop in my hood that i had to share this deal with y'all.

https://deals.livingsocial.com/deals/632?ref=conf-jp&rpi=52532

10 bucks for 25 worth of wine/cheese/meat/etc. yes!

in other news, we just got dumped with over 2 feet of snow in dc. and they are saying that we will get 5-10'' on tuesday night. wow. just wow.

the one about change

so, faithful readers (yes, all four of y'all)...a few girlfriends and i have started a group blog that you all should check out. i'll probably be updating more over there than here for awhile. see if you can guess which person i am. :)

http://goodgirlsbaddecisions.wordpress.com/

the one about what i'm looking for

in the words of carrie bradshaw...

i'm looking for love. real love. ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't live without each other love.

and good sex. lots of good sex. :) (okay, that was me, not carrie b. - but i'm sure she'd agree!)

the one about giving thanks

in honor of thanksgiving, i'd like to take some time and share a few of the things that i am thankful for. i know that i am truly blessed and sometimes its difficult to remember all of the blessings that have i've been lucky enough to receive so sometimes making a list helps.

• i am thankful for a roof (actually multiple roofs) over my head and that i never have to wonder where my next meal will come from
• i am thankful for family who continuously love and support me
• i am thankful for friends who inspire me and are always a comfort
• i am thankful for the sweetest little puppy dog in the world
• i am thankful for education which has allowed me pursue my dreams
• i am thankful for my health
• i am thankful to live in the united states. though i am sometimes unhappy with certain things that happen in this country, i recognize that just being born in the u.s. is a blessing and i am thankful for it
• i am thankful for our military -- i am awed by the decisions and risks our service members take and i am grateful
• i am thankful for dvr. seriously, i love it.
• i am thankful all the men i have loved and the men that have loved me. i've learned a lot about myself through those relationships and i wouldn't take back any of it
• i am thankful for my 15 year old self keeping a journal so i can look back and reflect on how crazy i was!
• i am thankful for hope and the promise of new adventures.

what are you thankful for during the holiday season?

the one about what i miss

i miss the things that are a given when you are in a relationship. sleepovers, lazy afternoons on the couch watching football, movie nights and making dinner together. i miss the fun routine of knowing that every tuesday you both go out with your friends then meet back up at home. i miss going out together with your collective group of friends and then gossiping about them on the drive home. i miss that wonderfully safe feeling when you are lying in someone's arms and you know that neither one of you would rather be anywhere else.

i had a fantastic weekend and i'm thankful for my friends and my family. but i still miss the aforementioned things :)

the one about speed dating

oh yeah, you read that right...speed dating. i decided to go ahead and just do it. i figured it'd be fun and worse case scenario, i'd get no dates, but some funny stories. here's hoping i get both...

it basically worked just like on SATC except that the men didn't visibly recoil when i said that i was a lawyer (i admit, i was kind of nervous about it). they had all the women sit behind little tables and then the men rotated every four minutes. i had a blast. there were a few cute guys, one guy who had to be at least 65 and his name was elvin (i thought of elvin on the cosby show) and one guy who was super super creepy. creepy guy was trying to invite me to a party next weekend, told me i was exquisite and then promptly asked why i was not married. i did not feel the need to ask him the same question because it was readily apparent. he then started talking about how black women aren't married because they focus too much on the kingdom and not enough on the king. i then gave him my crazy face. he quickly recanted and tried to pass it off as a joke. i still don't know what the fuck he was talking about. thank god four minutes goes quickly.

i'm hoping i get matched with one of the cuties that were there...i'll keep everyone posted :)

the one where i'm wondering...

is it wrong that i sometimes listen to pachebel's canon in d multiple times on repeat? because i do. :)

the one about time and space

it is approaching october which means many different things for me. it means my birthday (yay!), fall, halloween and this year it means a year since the Banker and i broke up. and it's been an eventful year. in terms of the Banker and i, there have been many ups and downs. i struggled to maintain a friendship with him and then cut him off when i realized that maintaining a friendship with him didn't seem possible. and now, of course, he's back. not completely back, but he has contacted me and expressed in an interest in rebuilding our friendship.

at first i was taken aback by his message. i have so many conflicting emotions regarding the Banker. i truly fell in love with him and i was pretty upset after it didn't work out. i was more upset when i felt like i had been lied to after we broke up. i felt that his behavior after our break up was reprehensible. honestly, my feelings were hurt. and i felt (and still feel) that if we were going to be friends, he'd have to truly make amends and acknowledge (at a minimum) what he did was wrong.

so i don't know what's going to happen. obviously, a good deal of time has passed and we now have this physical buffer between us. i just don't want to get sucked back in and then feel like an idiot for giving him a chance to be involved in my life again. i know that some of my friends (i'm looking at you, AHS) don't understand why i even care or why i'm even giving the Banker the time of day. and to them all i can say is that i love hard. and i give second (and third and fourth) chances. but i do learn from them. i'm not saying i'm going to go hop on a plane and visit the Banker. but the things about him that i loved are still there and if we can find a way to navigate through our past and the hurt feelings and the confusion and develop a friendship, i think i'd really enjoy that.

the one about my love for school

if you know anything about me you know that i have an incredible amount of love for the previous two educational institutions i attended. i will forever love and support agnes scott and i will always treasure my time at uva law. when i began my ll.m. at au washington college of law i told myself that i wasn't going to let this new school creep into my heart and pocketbook. i already in very involved with my two alma maters and really don't have the time or energy to love another educational institution. and i still maintain that stance. i am not involved in the wcl community like i was involved during either law school or college. however, i am really starting to appreciate the level of professor involvement and interest at wcl. to begin with, every class i'm taking has 15 or less students in it. now, i took small classes at uva also. i think the difference is that now i'm so much more focused on my schoolwork that i'm truly taking an interest in the material and i think my professors appreciate it. i've had such wonderful experiences thus far, and it's only been a few weeks.

i have to say, wcl, you may not ever be my beloved agnes or uva law...but you are earning my respect.

the one about second, third and fourth chances

as predicted by Agnes, the Banker texted me yesterday. nothing serious, just a very short "i guess we are no longer friends? i had hoped we could build a friendship. football season made me think about you, i hope you are well." i was taken by surprise bc i haven't heard from the Banker probably since june and i haven't actually responded to any of his messages, phone calls, etc since feb. for a second, i wanted to write him back. especially bc i've been thinking about him since football season began as well. the Banker really is the person who helped to create my passion for alabama football (roll tide!) and i am grateful for that. i've missed his commentary on games and the obsessive way he watches every single television program that even mentions nick saban's name. but...i decided to cut him out of my life for a reason. it wasn't a decision i made lightly and it's not a decision that he can cause me to completely reevaluate just because its football season and he misses me.

so, i don't think i'm going to respond. at least not yet. what i may do is write him a letter explaining why i have no desire to be friends with him. but i know that doing that will just drag on this discussion of "why can't we be friends?" unless and until the Banker owns up to some of the shitty stuff he did, i will not believe a word that comes out of his mouth. i simply don't trust and i think he is way too selfish to understand that. anyway, i'm going to mull it over for a couple of days and then see how i feel.

the one about PDA

so, i apparently am on the same class schedule with this couple at school. it's clear that they are a couple because they hold hands every second they are together. they hold hands while walking through crowded halls. they hold hands while on a crowded elevator. they hold hands walking down a narrow staircase (seriously, i'm not making this up). they even hold hands while studying together in the library. it grosses me out. and not because hand holding is gross. i like to hold hands and don't think anything of holding hands with my good friends (as AHS can attest to, since i tried to make him hold my hand for the whole walk to the metro last week). but it's gross to be THAT dependent on someone else that you can't let their hand go for a second. seriously, a few days ago when i saw the hand holding while they were studying together, i am pretty certain i gave them my crazy face. i usually try and reserve crazy face for something really truly odd. or for random men on the train/street/bus, but i couldn't help it.

what's the craziest PDA you've seen?

ps - i realize i've taken to asking questions at the end of my posts. it's probably just a phase. i also am writing shorter posts bc it takes so much time to write longer pieces and i would really like to get more posts up. just like coach says at boot camp: "it's about quantity. pump em out!"

the one about music

i am slightly obsessed with music. there is something about songs that can just take me to a different place. sometimes its the melody, sometimes its a particular chord, sometimes its the lyrics and sometimes its the combination but the best songs (and sometimes the worst) just transport me to a particular memory, a person or an experience.

i also do this weird thing where when i hear really great lyrics, i envision a movie playing out in the background. i can't tell you how many 5 minute movie scenes i've come up with in my head based on a sentence or two in a song. does anyone else do this?? or is it just me?

the one where i borrow someone words

i plan to write more on this later (or maybe not, i am a student now, ya know!) but i thought that this post encapsulates a lot of my feelings on catcalls.

and to be fair bc i'm pretty sure someone will mention this, i have said that the day i walk down the street and people act like i'm not there will be a sad day. but i DO NOT like "baby girl", "shorty", "eh ma", etc. a simple hello or a "you look nice today" is appreciated. starring straight at my boobs is not.

the one...just not the one for me

the Ex is getting married today. i don't really know what to say about it or how to describe exactly how i feel. the Ex and i have been over for quite awhile. but for a long time (about 4.5 years) i thought that the Ex was THE ONE. and even after it was over, i must admit that the thought of us eventually getting back together has always been way way in the back of my head.

i'm not sure if i've spoken about what has transpired between the Ex and i in the past few months, and to be honest i don't really feel like getting into it. suffice to say that i told him that i thought it was inappropriate for us to keep hanging out and him not tell his fiance. i told him he had to handle this situation one way or the other. i took his resounding silence as a sign that he had decided to handle it -- by cutting me out of his life. just as i was dealing with that, he sent me a text message, inquiring about my life, my parents, etc. i never responded. i just couldn't. but i hate it. i just hate the way things are between the Ex and i these days. i hate, hate, HATE not having him in my life at all. not responding to his text message was difficult. but i felt like we were sneaking around (even though it was always innocent) and it wasn't right. until he addresses my concerns, i just can't deal with him.

but i hate it. and now he's getting married and i've known this day was coming for a long long time but i am still not prepared. would i ever be? would you? and then i'm torn and wondering if i should send him a card? a gift? a text message? what is the appropriate thing to do when THE EX is getting married to a woman who hates you (even though you've never met)?? i just don't know.

i know that part of the reason i'm so sad is that the Ex marrying someone else represents the end of a period of time for me. i am smart enough to realize that a lot of this is me just mourning the past. i know that. but some of this is just me being plain sad. it is sad to think of someone who you loved so much -- someone who you are no longer in love with but you do still love -- walking down an aisle and saying timeless vows to another woman. i wonder if i would feel better if i was 100% certain that he is happy with her. maybe, maybe not. is he happy with her? he never sounds like it when we talk. but maybe he's doing that bc he thinks it would hurt me to imagine him happy with another woman. who knows? so many questions. i'm just going to do my best to get through today.