the one where it's valentine's day

it's valentine's day. i have never particularly cared for valentine's day. not because i hate the world or i hate couples or anything like that. i just hate the long waits at restaurants (when i worked at houston's we would run a 3 hour wait on v-day. ridiculous. who WERE those people?!) and i hate that it's categorized as a holiday that women care about so much. my best valentine's day was when the ex and i went to the circus. it was so fun. regardless, it's a big holiday and today two unsettling things happened that forced me to think about valentine's day.

first, the ex sent me a text this afternoon. yes, not earth shattering news, i know. but let me back up. the ex told me not quite a month ago, that his wife was freaking out about us being facebook friends. he would have to defriend me and he might even delete his fb account. keep in mind, that i NEVER write on his call, comment on things he says/posts/etc. we have NO fb contact at all. i am just listed on his friends list. well, i was, at least. after he told me that she was pissed, he defriended me. he also informed me he was pissed about the whole thing and thanks for being understanding, blah blah blah. cut to about 1:45 pm. he sends me a text message wishing me a happy valentine's day. are you freakin' serious dude? it's valentine's day. you are married with twins on the way. the LAST thing i want is to hear from you. sigh.

THEN, the banker calls me. i was so shocked i literally just stared at the phone. he didn't leave a message so i have no idea what he wanted. but i don't understand why all these exes feel the need to text/call on freaking valentine's day. just let me be.

the one about time and space

it is approaching october which means many different things for me. it means my birthday (yay!), fall, halloween and this year it means a year since the Banker and i broke up. and it's been an eventful year. in terms of the Banker and i, there have been many ups and downs. i struggled to maintain a friendship with him and then cut him off when i realized that maintaining a friendship with him didn't seem possible. and now, of course, he's back. not completely back, but he has contacted me and expressed in an interest in rebuilding our friendship.

at first i was taken aback by his message. i have so many conflicting emotions regarding the Banker. i truly fell in love with him and i was pretty upset after it didn't work out. i was more upset when i felt like i had been lied to after we broke up. i felt that his behavior after our break up was reprehensible. honestly, my feelings were hurt. and i felt (and still feel) that if we were going to be friends, he'd have to truly make amends and acknowledge (at a minimum) what he did was wrong.

so i don't know what's going to happen. obviously, a good deal of time has passed and we now have this physical buffer between us. i just don't want to get sucked back in and then feel like an idiot for giving him a chance to be involved in my life again. i know that some of my friends (i'm looking at you, AHS) don't understand why i even care or why i'm even giving the Banker the time of day. and to them all i can say is that i love hard. and i give second (and third and fourth) chances. but i do learn from them. i'm not saying i'm going to go hop on a plane and visit the Banker. but the things about him that i loved are still there and if we can find a way to navigate through our past and the hurt feelings and the confusion and develop a friendship, i think i'd really enjoy that.

the one about second, third and fourth chances

as predicted by Agnes, the Banker texted me yesterday. nothing serious, just a very short "i guess we are no longer friends? i had hoped we could build a friendship. football season made me think about you, i hope you are well." i was taken by surprise bc i haven't heard from the Banker probably since june and i haven't actually responded to any of his messages, phone calls, etc since feb. for a second, i wanted to write him back. especially bc i've been thinking about him since football season began as well. the Banker really is the person who helped to create my passion for alabama football (roll tide!) and i am grateful for that. i've missed his commentary on games and the obsessive way he watches every single television program that even mentions nick saban's name. but...i decided to cut him out of my life for a reason. it wasn't a decision i made lightly and it's not a decision that he can cause me to completely reevaluate just because its football season and he misses me.

so, i don't think i'm going to respond. at least not yet. what i may do is write him a letter explaining why i have no desire to be friends with him. but i know that doing that will just drag on this discussion of "why can't we be friends?" unless and until the Banker owns up to some of the shitty stuff he did, i will not believe a word that comes out of his mouth. i simply don't trust and i think he is way too selfish to understand that. anyway, i'm going to mull it over for a couple of days and then see how i feel.

the one where i am bitching

yep, i'm feeling pretty bitchy, so if i were you (especially you Banker and AHS) i'd skip this one. i'm just so irritated and fed up. really it's about 97% the Banker and about 3% AHS. so maybe AHS can read this. but the Banker shoud really skip it.

the Banker is such an annoyance. i'm thinking of cutting him out of my life completely. i probably should've done it awhile ago, but i have a hard time doing that. once i decided to stop ignoring him and actually keep in contact he started acting like an ass again. i think he's out. he's such a selfish idiot. he actually had the nerve to get mad at me because i didn't want to talk to him about some personal topics (i.e. the details of my being laid off and also if i'm dating). that infuriated me! it's like he thinks i owe him something. in this case, information. ugh. what an ass. what really gets me going is that today he sent me some annoying, juvenile text about how i'm ignoring him again. he doesn't seem to make the connection between me ignoring him and him being an ass. 

as for AHS, i'm just a little perplexed by him. when i was home over christmas we talked frequently and hung out often and it was great. then i went back to bama and it was like i had ran over his dog. i swear, he all of a sudden never calls and apparently refuses to respond to emails. i don't get it. i know he's back in school now, but i also know that means that he has plenty of time in class to slack off (ah hem, not that i ever did that, i'm just sayin...). also, i know he has some ridiculous cell phone issues...but GOOD GRIEF!! 

okay, i'm done w/the bitching for now. tomorrow morning is my first day pro bono-ing at the washington lawyers committee for civil rights and urban affairs and i am thrilled to be able to do some awesome pro bono work. yay!

the one about "unconditional"

when i was 12 or 13, i met this guy. we'll call him TS. TS and i became fast friends and eventually it grew to something more. i don't exactly know how to describe it. we were best friends and romantic interest was there, but not there. does that make any sense? by the time i was 15, i was certain that i was in love, although we were never in a relationship and always dated other people. he was my best friend but so much more. and he was awful for me. anyone who knew me way back then (MJ, LH, etc) can tell you that. he was a "bad boy" and to put it lightly, was definitely bad for me. the thing is, during that time, i thought that i was doing the right thing by keeping him in my life. 

you see, i believed in "unconditional" love. i thought that loving him unconditionally meant that i was bound and beholden to love him no matter what. and by loving him no matter what, that meant that i couldn't walk out on him. i couldn't cut him out of my life. because if loving someone through horrific shit isn't unconditional love, then what is? 

like i said, we met when i was 12. i went to college, and fell in love with the Ex. i was completely honest with the Ex and he actually helped me through some of the worst stuff with TS.unfortunately, but not surprisingly, during this time, the Ex developed an extreme hatred for TS. shocker. but i persisted in keeping in touch with TS. not even just keeping in touch. i insisted that i should stay friends with TS because i was supposed to love him "unconditionally". yeah, the Ex didn't buy that bullshit either. TS was a MAJOR strain on our relationship. it all came to end one thanksgiving when, while driving 10 hours to my parent's house, the Ex gave me an ultimatum (well, he screamed an ultimatum - he was a wee bit pissed). he told me i either cut TS completely out of my life or he was done. of course, i did what anyone does when their back is up against the wall. i told him i'd cut TS out...but i didn't. of course, i couldn't. i was a believer in "unconditional" love. in the end, the Ex and i broke up (obviously) and i still maintained a distant friendship with TS. 

finally, well over a decade later, i realized that "unconditional" love might just be bullshit. or, at the very least, it was in the case of TS and i. i sickened of his shit, realized that he was the same exact person he was when i was 12, and (thank goodness) i had grown and changed in so many ways. i cut him out, even though i still care about him. i know i will never stop, but i also know what's best for me - and he ain't it.

so, what now, do i think about "unconditional" love? i think that i will love the man meant for me unconditionally, but i also don't know that i think love is enough. i know myself well enough to know that i fall easy, i get excited about people and things easily and its often tough for me to get the proper amount of perspective. i think that one of the good things about the Banker was i really felt like i was my best self with him. i truly felt like i learned from the loser i had previously dated and from the Ex and took those lessons and applied it to my relationship with the Banker. which gives me hope :)

the one about changes

so, i made it to dc. yay! my BFF came down and helped and now i'm home. it's nice, but very strange. essentially, i've gone from having 1,200 square feet of living space to now having approximately 350 square feet that i can claim as my own (my room + my very spacious closet!) - but its free and that's definitely what i need right now. 

something hilarious happened. friday, as i'm packing, the Attorney texted me to ask if i wanted to hang out and get some drinks. i replied back, "oh wow. i could've sworn i told you...i'm actually moving to dc as we speak..." he writes back that he was out of the loop and now that he finally has time for a date it looks like it won't happen. i'm like, um, hell NO it won't happen. ass. i swear. did he seriously think i was just waiting around hping that one day he'd call?! maybe its me. maybe i project an "i'm so desperate you can make me wait 2 months for a date and i'll still accept" vibe. hmmm. i guess its possible. either way, he finally got the point. oh, and then he sent me an email asking why i was leaving. i essentially wrote back "its personal and i don't want to discuss it". i swear. these men keep it interesting. 

speaking of men and interesting, when the Banker and i had dinner and he prompted me to tell him exactly why i cut him out of my life, one of the things i mentioned was him posting the fb album featuring his new NY chick (whom he claims isn't his girlfriend - when he said this i just smiled and said "okay". anytime he said something i thought was bullshit i just smiled sweetly and said "okay"). so i'm checking out his fb profile today (yes, i still do that...don't act like you wouldn't too!) and notice that the fb album is gone. interesting. 

last saturday i met a friend of a friend who was so cute (and i couldn't remember his name) i decided his name was Cutie. Cutie is precious. and has been calling me everyday even though we only hung out 2x and the second time consisted of me drunkenly singing a wide variety of karaoke songs (everything from "baby got back" to "redneck woman" to "billie jean"). it's so cute. and fun. although it won't go anywhere because i'm not about to do long distance, it's fun to get to know someone new. :) 

the one after the dinner

so the Banker and i had dinner tonight. and now after its all said and done, all i really feel is sad. we met, had a nice dinner and for 3/4s of the evening we avoided any heavy discussion. then he decided to tell me how he felt "hurt" that i had cut him out of my life. so, i had to tell him. i told him how i was so upset by his treatment of me following the time we stopped dating, and how he did things i would never, ever do. i also told him that if i wasn't moving, we wouldn't be sitting there having dinner. i didn't go into detail, but i did mention a few things i thought were particularly shitty and told him that because i his behavior, i purposefully cut him out of my life. of course, he apologized but i stopped him in the middle of it and told him that it doesn't matter what is said now and besides, hearing him apologize just makes me so angry. 

so i said my peace. and we moved on with dinner. overall it was nice. 

but, i do feel sad. it was just so easy ignoring him and not dealing with him. but seeing him and talking to him and laughing with him. it just hurts my heart, i swear. i just still wish that things could've been different, that he could've been different. i know and accept the reality of the situation,  but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. 

sigh.

the one where i am playing with fire

oh goodness. i haven't spent much time talking about the Ex. some of you know him and were around when we were dating (college and then some). the Ex and i dated from november of my first year of college until spring of my senior year. we officially broke up but then continued to travel together, speak daily, etc until august of 2006. that was when we REALLY stopped acting like we were in a relationship. the Ex had met someone new and was going to give it a go with her. as for me, i was in my 3L year at UVA and ready to party! so we toned things way back and proceeded to just be friends. of course, like anything else, there have been complications along the way. the Ex and i were extremely close when we dated. we spent lots of time with each others families and i loved his family, he loved mine and our respective families loved each other (which, if you know my dad says a LOT). the Ex was in a very bad car accident the summer of 2003 and afterwards, i essentially moved into his apartment for a month while he recovered. it was a big deal for me at the time to tell my father that i was moving in with my boyfriend. but what was amazing was that my dad didn't say a word. in fact, after the Ex and i broke up and he moved back to california, my dad actually called him and offered to buy him a plane ticket to fly to atlanta for my college graduation. i am still amazed by how much my dad liked the Ex. not because the Ex wasn't a great man, but because my dad is TOUGH! 

anyway, after the Ex and i were finally really truly done, it was complicated still. there were still all these feelings but each of us moved on to other people. i finished law school, moved to alabama, dated some loser for awhile and then the Banker. the Ex moved back to atlanta, continued dating that same girl and eventually asked her to marry him. i thought it was going to be crazy difficult to hear that the Ex was engaged, but it was okay. of course, i think i'll feel much differently when he actually gets married (august) but for now i'm okay.

but here's the thing. the Ex and i both want to maintain a friendship. so although we don't talk on the phone, we email and text regularly. we had lunch once this past summer when i was in atlanta and it was nice. he didn't tell his fiance, which i thought was weird, but hey, not my place. then the weekend of the SEC championship i was in atlanta to celebrate the game (ugh, even though the game didn't turn out like i wanted...still ROLL TIDE!) and told him i was in town. he drove across town to meet me at the bar where i was watching the game, and  when he finally got there he asked about the Banker. i told him that the Banker and i weren't dating anymore and he instantly became uncomfortable and said that he couldn't stay because i was drunk (may or may not have been true) and i was single. so that was a bit weird, but again, he's engaged, i am single...i understand that he needs to do what he needs to do. 

so anyway, since then we've been texting some and emailing more. in fact, over the past week or so, we've been emailing quite a bit. most of it is pretty innocuous normal stuff. but occasionally, there will be a flirtatious line here or there. and i know that he doesn't tell his fiance that we still communicate and i'm just starting to feel like this is dangerous ground. even though everything has been above board, i just have a feeling...

i can't explain it, but i feel like something is happening. i know that doesn't make any sense, but its how i feel. 

in other possibly poor decisions, the Banker and i are having dinner this evening. i know for a fact that this dinner is playing with fire. if he says the wrong thing, i have no doubt that i will tell him every single negative thing i think about him. and i really don't want to do that. i want to have a nice, reasonably calm dinner and then be done. goodness. i have got to get it together.

but rest assured about one thing -- i will look amazing this evening. the Banker will be suffering :)

the one where i've decided to see him

yes. you read that correctly. i've decided that i am going to see the Banker before i move to dc. yes, i am beyond unhappy with how things went down over the past couple of months but i know that i would regret moving 800 miles away without telling him face to face. as MJ said, if the shoe was on the other foot, i would be quite upset if he moved away without a word. 

to all the naysayers, (and i know there will be naysayers) understand that i DO know exactly what i'm getting myself into. i realize that i will never get the kind of response i want from him. i know that he's not going to turn to me and admit being an asshole and treating me like shit, etc. i completely understand that. but the fact is, seeing him is the right thing to do. and more importantly, it is what i want to do. 

so we are having lunch on monday afternoon. he did not go to last night's dinner, so i had to set up lunch. he seems super eager, which isn't surprising considering i've been ignoring him for the past month or so. 

if i don't see him i know i will feel as if our story is somehow incomplete. seeing him won't really change anything, but it's going to happen eventually and i'd prefer to do it on my terms.

the one where the banker is pissed

so...this evening i was out celebrating a girlfriend's birthday and the Banker called me. per usual, i ignored his call. he left a message, asking me to call and declared "i guess we aren't friends anymore". i texted him about an hour later, saying "what's up?" he replied by asking why can't i call him. i responded that i was tied up right now, but didn't want to ignore his call. his text message back was priceless. he wrote (and i quote): "so call when ur not. what the fuck is up with u. never seen no shit like this weird." i couldn't stop smiling. not because he was all out of sorts, but because i knew that i was doing the right thing. he could not handle me ignoring his calls and refusing his invitations to hang out, come up, etc. i am finally doing things that make me feel better and am not worried about how he will take my actions and while i am feeling great, clearly he is frustrated as all hell.

and i'll be honest, it felt good. i am not setting out to hurt him, but i think that he acting like an ass after we stopped dating and i don't have the time to deal with people who treat me poorly. i am too fucking fabulous to waste time with people who don't appreciate it. so i've been ignoring him because i have no desire to deal with him either face to face or via telephone. and now its freaking him out because he is not getting what he wants on his terms. 

um, welcome to my world, bitch.

the one where i am screaming, who does that?!

alright, so this past weekend in atlanta after the hookah and the "sexy drink" i went out to a bar and we met up with some of Namesake's wonderful friends from law school. of course, had a blast and i really hit it off with one particular friend, CG.  so once back in bama, CG and i became fb friends. so a couple of days later, i notice when i'm looking at CG's profile that we share a mutual friend: the Banker. i'm like, hmmm...i'm pretty sure that CG and the Banker don't know each other. so i do a little investigative work and find out that the Banker friended CG almost immediately after CG and i became fb friends and she accepted, because, well that's what you do. 

so...my first reaction is WTF? seriously, who does that?! he does not know her, yet he sees her on my profile and decides to fb friend her? what is that about? i think it's kind of weird and just a wee bit creepy...am i overreacting? or is this very strange? thoughts?

the one where i think i miss him

there. i said it. i miss the Banker. no, i haven't returned his calls or his text messages and i sure as hell haven't let him "come up." but i miss him. yes, the Banker is a punk to say the least. but i miss talking to him, laughing with him and sharing funny stories with him. i miss his friendship. i'm thinking about giving him a call. i don't know. it's tough when you know that what you want isn't good for you. in the past, i've always said, fuck it. i'll do what feels good and deal with the consequences later. of course, that never ends well. so i think i'll continue on the course i've been travelling. blissful ignorance. i guess the big question is should i see him before i peace out of AL? 

the one where my sleep pattern is f-ed up!

well, since i'm not working, i can stay up all night and play with my blog, chat online, etc etc. and i'm doing that. but i really hate sleeping in, so i'll still wake up at 9am. which would be fine if i wasn't staying up til 3am or later. ugh. then i want to take a nap, but i won't let myself. i have got to get a job. seriously. just so i can get back to keeping normal hours. 

in other news, the Banker called me again! i didn't pick up and i didn't return his call. he is so transparent. i mean, clearly i don't want to speak to him. but he keeps trying and i'm sure he will until we speak. i just can't imagine what i would say to him. i'm so freaking angry with him. and i don't want to have an angry conversation with him. i have no desire to let him know just how much he's upset me. so until i feel like i can speak to him without telling him EXACTLY what i think, i will just not speak to him at all. 

so - how do we like the new setup? i like it, think i might keep it for awhile :)

the one about friends

today AHS said to me, "it was so sad to read your story about the Banker". honestly, i thought that was just the sweetest thing anyone could say about that whole situation. it made me think about all the wonderful people in my life. i'm happy that AHS is one of them. he's pretty awesome and gives me some great material to write about to boot :)

speaking of friends, i am headed to atlanta this weekend to celebrate a friend's birthday. it's going to be a little nuts, i'm predicting. a lot of ASC girls will be there including Agnes and Namesake (another fabulous college friend who happens to have the funniest dog in the world) who i have not seen since her fabulous trip around the world. so i'm really really excited. ha, we've had some good times. awhile back, we all went out and had a makeout contest. it was truly ridiculous. and even though Namesake tried to cheat and kiss a guy she KNEW i couldn't kiss (it was a friend who i adored, but i knew he had a crush on me so there was no way i could kiss him) i still won our little contest, i don't care what she says :)

in other news, i was reading this article about how ann coulter is talking trash about michelle obama in her new book (see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/03/ann-coulter-slams-michell_n_154947.html) and i swear, no matter your politics, doesn't that woman just SCREAM desperation?! she spews this liberal-hating venim which is so obviously an attempt to shock people into buying her books...and the sad thing is that it works. ugh, she truly disgusts me. she's just so full of shit. if she really felt the way she says she does, i doubt if she would've been able to date democrats in the past, as she has. i mean, i know plenty of people who date  people who's political beliefs don't match up with theirs, but this woman is constantly calling liberals/democrats/normal people idiots...and that's on one of her nice days.

oh! my favorite show is back! http://www.nbc.com/The_Biggest_Loser/ i freaking love this show! it's the best, feel good reality show out there. seriously, sometimes it brings tears to my eyes. this show saves peoples lives and i think that is an amazing thing. its so freaking inspiring. if you missed it, check it out next week!

the one where i thought i was okay

i am tired of the Banker. i am tired of thinking about him, i am tired of writing about him and i am tired of talking about him. and i thought i was okay with everything that had happened and okay with where things are. which, by the way, is really nowhere. i thought i was fine.

then stupid facebook knocked me off my ass. i was signing on because i wanted to tell a friend thanks for something. and that stupid fucking newsfeed: [the Banker] has posted 4 photos. what?! the Banker doesn't even really like to take pictures nonetheless POST them online. but it was right there in front of my face. four pictures posted by the Banker. two pictures of him by himself, one picture of the girl he's seeing in NYC and one picture of the two of them together. and i wish i was lying when i said that my heart stopped a little bit and i had to put down the phone when i saw those pictures. for someone who has absolutely no pictures on FB its a pretty big freaking deal that he just put up 4 pictures. 

yes, i know that the end of the Banker and i was initiated by me and he just agreed to it. yes, i know that being with him was/is not what i need and/or want. but that does not mean that i want to see pictures of him w/his new girl splashed all over FB.

i really wish that seeing those pictures didn't fuck with my head. i really do. but i'd be lying if i said that. you never want someone to move on with someone new before you do. and it's not just that. there's all the other little things, the doubts and the worries (was he seeing here while we were dating? was he so agreeable to us stopping dating because of her? why in gods name would he even post those fucking pictures?) too. ugh. i know, i know. i blogged a couple of days ago about when carrie was obsessing over her breakup with big and her friends couldn't take it. i realize right this very second i am doing the same thing and y'all probably can't take it either. so that's why it goes here first. so it's nice and diluted and hopefully a little easier to take when it gets to y'all.

stupid stupid fucking FB. stupid stupid fucking Banker. stupid stupid head that is still connected to stupid stupid heart that still finds a way to have feelings for the Banker. 

i really really thought that i was ambivalent about the Banker. out of sight, out of mind right? and i guess it was pretty easy for me to put him to the back of my mind and not think about him since we haven't talked in awhile and i haven't seen him in over a month. but then there he is all over my FB homepage screaming in my fucking ear.

SHIT.

the one about 808s and heartbreak

i must say, i really really like kanye's new album. i'm a lyrics girl and i think this album has some good ones.

"you think your shit don't stink, but you're mrs. P.U." - see you in my nightmares.

this is classic. i love it. i know outkast said it first, but i just love it. how many people do we all know who from their descriptions are just perfect, but in fact, they are the most f-ed up?! love it, love it, love it.

"you worried about the wrong things" - paranoid.

so true.half the stuff i find myself freaking out about is really in the grand scheme of things not that important. i mean, really, is it necessary that i freak out because my mother still treats me like i'm 15? probably not. i am constantly worried about the wrong things. i wonder if i do this in relationships as well? of course not...i'm perfect :)

"i told her there's some things she don't need to know. she never let it go..." - robocop.

"shorty kind of crazy, but it turns me on." - robocop.

"you spoiled little LA girl" - robocop.

so, the three above lyrics i love. first there's the whole theme of the crazy, psycho girlfriend who is constantly checking up on her boyfriend. but i tell you what. i am probably one of the most trusting people ever. i generally take people for their words and believe what they tell me. at least i did until i got entangled with the Banker. okay. so this is a story i'd only previously shared with Agnes, but i'll put a little bit of it out there. i guess the Banker and i had been seeing each other for about three months. we had gotten in some stupid fight and i felt really bad. so it was about 12am i believe. and in the course of our fight, he had said he was going to bed, etc etc. i tried to call him around 12am and had no response. i decided i would go and leave him a note/see if he was awake. [note: i do realize that it is NOT okay to go over to someone's home unannounced and i never do that, but i felt pretty awful. besides if his lights were off, i was just going to leave a note.] so anyway, i pull down his street and what do i see? of course, it's pretty obvious from my set up. there was some strange car in his driveway. at 12am. after he told me he was going to bed about 10pm. so, i called him, and he didn't answer of course. i left him a tearful message saying how i had felt bad and wanted to apologize but (cue sad dramatic voice) someone else was already there. i felt awful. i drove home and somehow managed to fall asleep. the next morning, i was taking the world's longest shower and he had called about 15 times and left me multiple messages saying that it wasn't what it looked like, it wasn't what i thought, etc. blah blah blah. i answered the next time he called and he proceeded to tell me some ridiculous but maybe plausible explanation. and at that point, i realized i had a choice. i could accept his explanation or i could stop seeing him. for various reasons (i'm a little daft at times, the "exercise" was quite good, i really did like him and enjoy his company, etc etc) i chose to accept his explanation and move on. except  that after that night, i never ever really trusted the Banker. when he would tell me things i often didn't believe him. and so, it didn't surprise me when one day a couple of weeks after the incident, i was at his house and when he left to go get some food and left his email open, i took a more than cursory glance at the screen. i couldn't believe i was doing it, but i couldn't stop myself. and of course i saw something i shouldn't have. you always do when you go searching for shit. but that's the thing about snooping. you can't credibly confront someone with information you are not supposed to have and expect it to ever go in your favor. so you just become more distant, less connected and you withdraw further and further. in the end, of course, the Banker and i didn't work out for numerous reasons. but my point is that i can understand what the robocop girlfriend kanye is describing is going through. she never set out to be that way. but i bet she saw something or he did something and it inevitably got back to her and she just couldn't help herself. i'm not defending my behavior, all i'm saying is it takes two to create that kind of situation. 

so kanye, while i feel your lyrics, i'm willing to bet that "robocop" is a wee bit skewed...that's all :)

in other unrelated news, i decided today that AHS needs to introduce me to some people in MD/DC. since he lives here, i feel like it's a pretty good plan. unfortunately he didn't seem as psyched as i was. well, let me rephrase, he didn't seem as optimistic as i am. but, honestly, who is? i mean, he's in school, he knows people. he has a brother that lives here, his brother knows people. come on, AHS! i'm just asking you to find people to help entertain me. is that really too much? :) i certainly think not!

the one where people bug me

so we all know that i recently lost my job. we also know that bham is a teeny, tiny city in terms of "young professionals"... so i pretty much expected that the news would travel fast. but what i did NOT expect was the ridiculous, overtly tacky behavior that some people would employ.

a little background. about two months ago, i was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them (AKA the Attorney) and i started discussing how one of my friends and a couple of his friends think that we should date. so of course then we start discussing the possibility. the Attorney says, "i'm going to take you out on a date. but i'm really busy with work and such and so it won't be until after thanksgiving probably". i'm like, okay, whatever. the Attorney is cool, so i'm open to the idea. well, the Attorney and i hang out a few times in groups with other people and i enjoy his company. but time passes, thanksgiving passes and no date. so i write him off in my head. a couple of weeks later, at a bar, i inform him that i've written him off. he protests and says things like "i've been busy, blah blah blah". i just don't ever buy that crap. if you are interested in someone, you do something about it. so the conversation continues and the Attorney says something akin to: "so if i asked you out two weeks from now, you'd say no?" when he says this, i can't describe how my blood boiled. um, hell yeah i'd say no, you pompous jerk. ugh. the thing is, outside of this whole "dating" exchange, i really like the Attorney, so we still email now and again.

flash forward to this week. i'm certain the news of my good fortune has traveled to the Attorney. last night he called me and i missed his call (whoops! was playing Guitar Hero World Tour with my best friend from college [aka BFF]). today he called three times. now, keep in mind that prior to yesterday, he's called me maybe ONCE. i have no doubt that he was calling to discuss what had happened. and that's what pisses me off. 

could the Attorney really think that i would want to discuss it with him? um, newsflash, buddy: we aren't friends like that. seriously? i swear, people. so i've consulted with a couple of folks and Agnes (very close college friend) said i should send a polite email about how i'm home w/my family and pretty busy. AHS (high school friend who i recently reconnected with) said i should just call him and point out that i think his behavior is tacky. sorry AHS, i took Agnes's advice and sent a polite email. we'll see.

oh and speaking of tacky people, the Banker sent me a text today seeing if i wanted to meet up for a drink. the Banker and i haven't actually spoken in a couple of weeks, so i was surprised to get that text. of course, i politely declined. his response was that we need to catch up. meaning, he, too has probably heard and wants to know what's going on. i swear, people are so freaking transparent.  

in other news, i am hanging out with AHS tomorrow afternoon and not quite sure what to expect. we weren't really tight in high school, but i've enjoyed chatting with him as of late.  i've convinced him to drive out to the sticks (Bowie, where the Parents live) so we can take the metro together. i think the only reason he agreed is that he wants to meet the Dog, since i talk about her so freaking much. i sincerely hope that by convincing him to come to the Parents crib, i have not sentenced him to a half hour of awkward conversation with Dad.  here's hoping! i believe AHS and i are headed to the chinatown area of dc. not very familiar with it, so i'm looking forward to it. have i been a total typical girl about it and gone over my outfit 40x? surprisingly, no. not sure what that means. i always thought AHS was cool back in the day, and that doesn't appear to have changed, so i'm really looking forward to seeing him.