the one after the dinner

so the Banker and i had dinner tonight. and now after its all said and done, all i really feel is sad. we met, had a nice dinner and for 3/4s of the evening we avoided any heavy discussion. then he decided to tell me how he felt "hurt" that i had cut him out of my life. so, i had to tell him. i told him how i was so upset by his treatment of me following the time we stopped dating, and how he did things i would never, ever do. i also told him that if i wasn't moving, we wouldn't be sitting there having dinner. i didn't go into detail, but i did mention a few things i thought were particularly shitty and told him that because i his behavior, i purposefully cut him out of my life. of course, he apologized but i stopped him in the middle of it and told him that it doesn't matter what is said now and besides, hearing him apologize just makes me so angry. 

so i said my peace. and we moved on with dinner. overall it was nice. 

but, i do feel sad. it was just so easy ignoring him and not dealing with him. but seeing him and talking to him and laughing with him. it just hurts my heart, i swear. i just still wish that things could've been different, that he could've been different. i know and accept the reality of the situation,  but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. 



The Socialite said...

My heart goes out to you, friend! But I'm glad you were able to see him again and lay a few things out on the table. The ending is bittersweet, I know. But I believe that rather than allow the peaceful ending to fill you with sadness and regret, you should let it seal the open wound.

*Cut to Carey leaving big in the middle of the park outside of his engagement party in Season 3*:

Carey: your girl is lovely, Hubble
Big: I don't get it
Carey: And you never will...