the one about making moves

tonight MJ has put together a little "farewell dinner" and i'm really looking forward to it. the packing has been moving along nicely and its a little nuts that i'm actually leaving in a couple of days. i'm really excited, though.

i'm pretty certain that this summer i'll move in with LS BFF, which is kind of a dream come true. in the interim, i'll be kicking it with the Parents. as long as they install cable and a dvr in my bedroom, i'm sure this can work. 

BFF is coming friday morning to help with the move and i swear i will be COMPLETELY packed up before then. i'm getting very very close. 

in other news, i'm in a wedding in may and am searching for a date -- if you've got any leads, hit me up! :)

the one after the dinner

so the Banker and i had dinner tonight. and now after its all said and done, all i really feel is sad. we met, had a nice dinner and for 3/4s of the evening we avoided any heavy discussion. then he decided to tell me how he felt "hurt" that i had cut him out of my life. so, i had to tell him. i told him how i was so upset by his treatment of me following the time we stopped dating, and how he did things i would never, ever do. i also told him that if i wasn't moving, we wouldn't be sitting there having dinner. i didn't go into detail, but i did mention a few things i thought were particularly shitty and told him that because i his behavior, i purposefully cut him out of my life. of course, he apologized but i stopped him in the middle of it and told him that it doesn't matter what is said now and besides, hearing him apologize just makes me so angry. 

so i said my peace. and we moved on with dinner. overall it was nice. 

but, i do feel sad. it was just so easy ignoring him and not dealing with him. but seeing him and talking to him and laughing with him. it just hurts my heart, i swear. i just still wish that things could've been different, that he could've been different. i know and accept the reality of the situation,  but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. 

sigh.

the one where i am playing with fire

oh goodness. i haven't spent much time talking about the Ex. some of you know him and were around when we were dating (college and then some). the Ex and i dated from november of my first year of college until spring of my senior year. we officially broke up but then continued to travel together, speak daily, etc until august of 2006. that was when we REALLY stopped acting like we were in a relationship. the Ex had met someone new and was going to give it a go with her. as for me, i was in my 3L year at UVA and ready to party! so we toned things way back and proceeded to just be friends. of course, like anything else, there have been complications along the way. the Ex and i were extremely close when we dated. we spent lots of time with each others families and i loved his family, he loved mine and our respective families loved each other (which, if you know my dad says a LOT). the Ex was in a very bad car accident the summer of 2003 and afterwards, i essentially moved into his apartment for a month while he recovered. it was a big deal for me at the time to tell my father that i was moving in with my boyfriend. but what was amazing was that my dad didn't say a word. in fact, after the Ex and i broke up and he moved back to california, my dad actually called him and offered to buy him a plane ticket to fly to atlanta for my college graduation. i am still amazed by how much my dad liked the Ex. not because the Ex wasn't a great man, but because my dad is TOUGH! 

anyway, after the Ex and i were finally really truly done, it was complicated still. there were still all these feelings but each of us moved on to other people. i finished law school, moved to alabama, dated some loser for awhile and then the Banker. the Ex moved back to atlanta, continued dating that same girl and eventually asked her to marry him. i thought it was going to be crazy difficult to hear that the Ex was engaged, but it was okay. of course, i think i'll feel much differently when he actually gets married (august) but for now i'm okay.

but here's the thing. the Ex and i both want to maintain a friendship. so although we don't talk on the phone, we email and text regularly. we had lunch once this past summer when i was in atlanta and it was nice. he didn't tell his fiance, which i thought was weird, but hey, not my place. then the weekend of the SEC championship i was in atlanta to celebrate the game (ugh, even though the game didn't turn out like i wanted...still ROLL TIDE!) and told him i was in town. he drove across town to meet me at the bar where i was watching the game, and  when he finally got there he asked about the Banker. i told him that the Banker and i weren't dating anymore and he instantly became uncomfortable and said that he couldn't stay because i was drunk (may or may not have been true) and i was single. so that was a bit weird, but again, he's engaged, i am single...i understand that he needs to do what he needs to do. 

so anyway, since then we've been texting some and emailing more. in fact, over the past week or so, we've been emailing quite a bit. most of it is pretty innocuous normal stuff. but occasionally, there will be a flirtatious line here or there. and i know that he doesn't tell his fiance that we still communicate and i'm just starting to feel like this is dangerous ground. even though everything has been above board, i just have a feeling...

i can't explain it, but i feel like something is happening. i know that doesn't make any sense, but its how i feel. 

in other possibly poor decisions, the Banker and i are having dinner this evening. i know for a fact that this dinner is playing with fire. if he says the wrong thing, i have no doubt that i will tell him every single negative thing i think about him. and i really don't want to do that. i want to have a nice, reasonably calm dinner and then be done. goodness. i have got to get it together.

but rest assured about one thing -- i will look amazing this evening. the Banker will be suffering :)

the one where i've decided to see him

yes. you read that correctly. i've decided that i am going to see the Banker before i move to dc. yes, i am beyond unhappy with how things went down over the past couple of months but i know that i would regret moving 800 miles away without telling him face to face. as MJ said, if the shoe was on the other foot, i would be quite upset if he moved away without a word. 

to all the naysayers, (and i know there will be naysayers) understand that i DO know exactly what i'm getting myself into. i realize that i will never get the kind of response i want from him. i know that he's not going to turn to me and admit being an asshole and treating me like shit, etc. i completely understand that. but the fact is, seeing him is the right thing to do. and more importantly, it is what i want to do. 

so we are having lunch on monday afternoon. he did not go to last night's dinner, so i had to set up lunch. he seems super eager, which isn't surprising considering i've been ignoring him for the past month or so. 

if i don't see him i know i will feel as if our story is somehow incomplete. seeing him won't really change anything, but it's going to happen eventually and i'd prefer to do it on my terms.

the one where the banker is pissed

so...this evening i was out celebrating a girlfriend's birthday and the Banker called me. per usual, i ignored his call. he left a message, asking me to call and declared "i guess we aren't friends anymore". i texted him about an hour later, saying "what's up?" he replied by asking why can't i call him. i responded that i was tied up right now, but didn't want to ignore his call. his text message back was priceless. he wrote (and i quote): "so call when ur not. what the fuck is up with u. never seen no shit like this weird." i couldn't stop smiling. not because he was all out of sorts, but because i knew that i was doing the right thing. he could not handle me ignoring his calls and refusing his invitations to hang out, come up, etc. i am finally doing things that make me feel better and am not worried about how he will take my actions and while i am feeling great, clearly he is frustrated as all hell.

and i'll be honest, it felt good. i am not setting out to hurt him, but i think that he acting like an ass after we stopped dating and i don't have the time to deal with people who treat me poorly. i am too fucking fabulous to waste time with people who don't appreciate it. so i've been ignoring him because i have no desire to deal with him either face to face or via telephone. and now its freaking him out because he is not getting what he wants on his terms. 

um, welcome to my world, bitch.

the one where i'm baaack!

dc was fantastic. we had the best time. we got in saturday afternoon, and saturday night we went to love (a huge club in the city). it was great. we saw stevie wonder there!!! i may or may not have screamed a little when i saw stevie (and i'm normally never a groupie, but i swear i couldn't help it). we also caught sight of p. diddy (stevie was much more exciting) and deshawn show from real housewives of atlanta. then on sunday we went with my mom down to the national mall for the we are one concert. it was amazing to see all those people. it was really really cool - and cold! but we had a wonderful time. later sunday night we went to park. and that was excellent. we danced a little bit and then set up shop in one of the stairwells and just talked to people all night. it was so fun. and not just because i was a little bit drunk. it was just cool to meet lots of guys :) and to flirt w/really attractive men. i had a great time. oh yeah, we saw bow wow at park, but he's such a little kid, i just couldn't get that excited about it.

monday we drove into the city to LS BFF's house and posted up there to get ready for tuesday's events. we got down to the capitol about 830am on tuesday and found a great spot next to MSNBC's setup (i got to see rachel maddow!!!). it was absolutely incredible to be among millions of people during that historic day. when obama was giving his speech, i admit i got a little teary eyed. it is still so amazing to see and hear words from the first black president. i can't put all the emotion surrounding it into words. absolutely incredible.

so now i'm back in bama for the next week. that is incredible. i can't believe i'm moving in a week. mainly because i'm sitting on my ass, not packing! of course, as always, it will get done. slowly, but surely.

in other news, while out drunk sunday night, i sent the Banker one text message. he responded, but i never replied to his response. and then a day or so later he called me and i didn't respond. turns out we are both invited to a dinner this upcoming saturday. i'm going and have no idea if he's going or not. but it's a small enough dinner that if he does go, i'll definitely see him and speak to him. i've decided to just be prepared for anything including him flying in his new chick just to piss me off. so i'm ready. he can come, he can bring her, he can bring someone else, he can not come. either way, i'm going to be pleasant and polite. hey, i was born in the south - it's what we do :)

the one where i know i've been slacking

real quick, i'm sorry i've been MIA - i'm in DC for the inauguration and having an EXCELLENT time. i'll provide a full update once i'm back in bama...until then, happy martin luther king, jr. day and go obama!

and, yes, being in DC this weekend is making me excited for the romantic possibilities :)

the one about numbers

i read an article today that was discussing the "perfect" numer of men a woman can admit to sleeping with. the article said that the perfect number was 7. so i googled the topic and came across a few interesting stories. this huffington post article (see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-kramer-bussel/how-many-partners-makes-y_b_117350.html) i thought covered the issue pretty reasonably. but then i stumbled across a blog that had a discussion of the issue and essentially it turned into a "ho" bashing session describing women who have slept with 5 or more men in the same night. and i was reminded why these types of conversations bother me so much. 

to begin with, the whole conversation is typically skewed to sexist, archaic ideals that simply are no longer a reality in our society. men want virginal pristine women to marry, yet they don't want to actually get married until they are 35 and they have fucked everything in sight. more women than ever are entering graduate and professional school, which typically pushes marriage back a few years. so now women are a little older when they marry. and they are likely marrying a man who has had a decent number of sexual partners. but simply because she is a woman, she is supposed to have been damn near a virgin? someone please explain this to me.

don't get me wrong, i know a couple of 20 something virgins. and i respect that. i just don't think that this double standard should exist for judging people by their number. ideally, there would be no judgment (unless there are crazy circumstances or something) -- in my mind, asking how many isn't the important question. the important questions are: have you been tested, how recently, and what were the results. 

as for me, i have dated one man who was numbers conscious. in fact, my number made him uncomfortable. what was ironic (and infuriating) was that his number was 7x (literally) mine. i'm so not kidding. and what was so great about this guy, was that he never tried to claim it wasn't a double standard, he just said "well, that's how i feel. period" i can respect that as well. but of course, that was a huge red flag that we weren't going to work out.

the one where i am screaming, who does that?!

alright, so this past weekend in atlanta after the hookah and the "sexy drink" i went out to a bar and we met up with some of Namesake's wonderful friends from law school. of course, had a blast and i really hit it off with one particular friend, CG.  so once back in bama, CG and i became fb friends. so a couple of days later, i notice when i'm looking at CG's profile that we share a mutual friend: the Banker. i'm like, hmmm...i'm pretty sure that CG and the Banker don't know each other. so i do a little investigative work and find out that the Banker friended CG almost immediately after CG and i became fb friends and she accepted, because, well that's what you do. 

so...my first reaction is WTF? seriously, who does that?! he does not know her, yet he sees her on my profile and decides to fb friend her? what is that about? i think it's kind of weird and just a wee bit creepy...am i overreacting? or is this very strange? thoughts?

the one about the attorney

okay, so this is just TOO good. i've discussed the Attorney before and how we were supposed to go on a date but he was always so "busy" and so i just gave up and told him i wrote him off. and he seemed to truly think that i would wait forever. i think what he actually told me was "so if i were to ask you out in two months, you would say no?" and i was just thinking, you are so freaking arrogant! 

so the Attorney has made a few gestures at hanging out since then. but i've always been out of town. he invited me to lunch, a NYE party he threw, etc etc. but i'm always gone. so just today, i get a text asking if i'm free saturday. um, NOPE. i'll be in DC. i haven't told the Attorney i'm moving either, mainly because he insists on always texting and never calling, which i despise. i just think it's hilarious that he's ramped up his efforts and now it doesn't matter and essentially is just too little too late.  

i'm just so over lazy ass men. i'm also over shady ass men. i really do not think it's too much to ask for a man that is honest and actually will display some effort. as for the Banker, ugh ugh ugh.

last night, i went out with my girl (aka Socialite) and we had way too much fun. of course, that meant that i had way too much wine. so i sent the Banker a random text: "hey, what's up" he replied: "u". i asked what the hell that meant and he said: "just missing you." yeah, i was about to vomit in my mouth a little as well. i asked why and he didn't reply for a long ass time. as Socialite said, the silence speaks volumes. ugh. anyway. i'm glad i didn't call him. Socialite did better than me and didn't even text the lame ass dude she used to date.

so...what's going to happen with the Attorney? um, i'm pretty sure absolutely nothing. i'm going to move to DC and leave all these lame men behind. AHS -- are you working on my hookups yet?!

the one where i think i miss him

there. i said it. i miss the Banker. no, i haven't returned his calls or his text messages and i sure as hell haven't let him "come up." but i miss him. yes, the Banker is a punk to say the least. but i miss talking to him, laughing with him and sharing funny stories with him. i miss his friendship. i'm thinking about giving him a call. i don't know. it's tough when you know that what you want isn't good for you. in the past, i've always said, fuck it. i'll do what feels good and deal with the consequences later. of course, that never ends well. so i think i'll continue on the course i've been travelling. blissful ignorance. i guess the big question is should i see him before i peace out of AL? 

the one where my sleep pattern is f-ed up!

well, since i'm not working, i can stay up all night and play with my blog, chat online, etc etc. and i'm doing that. but i really hate sleeping in, so i'll still wake up at 9am. which would be fine if i wasn't staying up til 3am or later. ugh. then i want to take a nap, but i won't let myself. i have got to get a job. seriously. just so i can get back to keeping normal hours. 

in other news, the Banker called me again! i didn't pick up and i didn't return his call. he is so transparent. i mean, clearly i don't want to speak to him. but he keeps trying and i'm sure he will until we speak. i just can't imagine what i would say to him. i'm so freaking angry with him. and i don't want to have an angry conversation with him. i have no desire to let him know just how much he's upset me. so until i feel like i can speak to him without telling him EXACTLY what i think, i will just not speak to him at all. 

so - how do we like the new setup? i like it, think i might keep it for awhile :)

the one where comments are back!

yay! comments are back! in case anyone else if having trouble, i just changed comments to pop up option. yay - i'm so happy :)

oh - i'm going to be playing around with a few new looks in the next few days. if you see something you really like, be sure to let me know :)

the one where i suck at computers

okay so now i'm good on the pictures, thanks to Lifeboat (a good friend from law school). but now people can't comment! boo - what's going on? stupid stupid blog that i can't figure out...if you have any tips shoot me an email at lifeandtimesofsashafierce@gmail.com -- thanks!

the one about living alone

so i have to say that probably my favorite thing about living alone is the ability to blast my music and dance around like crazy...occasionally naked, sometimes clothed. but the beauty of living by myself is that no one is ever the wiser :) sure, the Dog thinks i'm crazy, but she'd never tell my secrets!

my other favorite thing about living alone is no judgments. no one to judge what i eat, what i watch on tv, what i wear when i'm watching tv, who i invite over, what time said invited guest comes/goes :), etc. 

i thought i'd be lonely since i had roommates in both law school and college, but seriously the Dog is more than enough. 

oh, and i also love the fact that i can keep my christmas tree up for as long as i want :)

one last thing - i've decided that i might start posting  a few pics...can some computer savvy person tell me the easiest way to do so? 

the one about stuff white people like

have y'all seen this website? it's called stuffwhitepeoplelike.com and it's hilarious. especially because the list describes many of my friends (white and black). its just a funny, funny website.

i particularly like this post http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/02/03/48-whole-foods-and-grocery-co-ops/

hello! i am obsessed with whole foods! anyway, just wanted to share a laugh.

the one about being a virgin and the sexy drink

this weekend i traveled to atlanta for a friend's birthday. she decided she wanted to have dinner at divan a restaurant and hookah bar. (http://www.divanatlanta.com/hook.html in case you're interested) it was really fun and i plan on sharing. 

but first, i have to digress. a couple of years back at a party with a bunch of folks from college, some girlfriends and i decided we would make a list of when "it" didn't count. so we started with obvious things like, when you don't come, when it's AWFUL, etc. by the end of the night our list also contained things like this: when you are on top, when he is on top, when you just met him that day, when you are standing up, when you regret it the next day, if you can't remember his name in two weeks, etc etc. by the end of the night, i swear our list had re-virginized every woman at that party! so i take a particular pleasure in finding activities/things where i am virgin. it's so fun to be a virgin in all aspects of life :) and if you are now thinking, hmm sasha fierce i'm pretty sure you aren't an actual virgin, i say to you - WHATEVA, check out the list! :)

okay, so back to divan and being a hookah virgin. prior to the trip, Agnes and i had discussed the hookah and both were a little nervous. i'm not a smoker. my only experience with cigarettes consisted of me taking one puff when i was 13 and declaring them gross and promptly throwing a pack of my friend's cigarettes out the window. as for my experience with smoking something other than cigarettes, i've tried two separate occasions in college and the first time i thought i was going to die from choking and the second i was way too drunk to speak, so smoking wasn't quite happening. so i wasn't sure how was i going to handle the hookah. but Agnes and i vowed we'd try it, if only to say we tried it.

i arrived at divan and right after i valed my car, i encountered this group of men chatting outside the restaurant. one came right over to me and said "hey, we've been waiting for you...where've you been?" i played along and said "oh yeah, you've been waiting for me? well, i don't see my drink out here..." he instantly invited me to meet him at the bar for a drink. the guy (who was actually quite nice) follows me inside where i see a couple of friends. after chatting with them for a bit, i tell my new friend i'm ready for my drink and he instantly tells the bartender to make me the "sexy drink". now, i have no idea what was in the "sexy drink" but let me tell you that drink was DAMN GOOD! haha, is it any surprise i loved something called the "sexy drink"? the best was after i left my new friend to be seated with my friends and ordered the "sexy drink" our fabulous waiter had to run around trying to figure out what the "sexy drink" was. for that, i left him an extra nice tip :)

well, after dinner (and another "sexy drink of course!) it was time for hookah virgin to pop her cherry! i have to say, i think i had more fun taking pictures of people blowing smoke then actually smoking myself. i think i'm just a bad smoker. i mean, i literally had two puffs and then got a terrible headache. so, i'm lame and not cool enough to actually enjoy smoking a hookah. but whatever, at least i'm not a hookah virgin and i was introduced to the "sexy drink"!

the one about changes

i am attempting to spice things up over here at life and times of sasha fierce. please bear with me as i am NOT computer literate so things might look a little rough for awhile. also, i had a wonderful evening in atlanta last night that i fully intend to share...more to come soon!

the one about twitter

can someone explain to me what twitter is? i suppose i could go google it and get the whole scoop, but i'm really looking for a current twitter person (what are they called? twits? haha - okay i'm corny) to explain the deal to me. i feel like everywhere i go and every blog i read has links to someone's twitter page or whatever it is. someone? anyone?

the one about the real world

so the new season of the real world starts tonight and i'm kind of excited and if it's any good, i'll share my thoughts! this season they are in brooklyn, which is cool. although, i've always wondered why the real world never went to atlanta?? it seems like such a natural choice? or dc? come on, mtv!

this is the first season where they have a transgendered  cast member. apparently, that's all the rage. first tyra had one on ANTM, then diddy had one on who wants to work for diddy (or something like that) and now the real world. i say, more power to ya. i personally am not a fan of any voluntary surgery but that's because i'm a baby who makes all medical professionals use child needles any time i need a shot. (what's kind of sad is that i'm not joking at all!)

okay, back to the real world - right now, katelynn (the transgendered chick) is talking about how she went to thailand to have her gender reassignment surgery. i guess that's cool, but it makes me think about how that's really only an option for someone who quite a bit of disposable income. what if you are poor but feel like you're the wrong sex? guess you're screwed.

wow, this opening makes brooklyn look really cool. although i know that lots of parts of brooklyn have been uber-genetried and yuppified than what they're showing.

chet, the mormon seems a little weird, but whatev. omg. this devyn chick is going to annoy me, i can already tell. "people with boobs are not bimbos" - girl let it go. okay, first roomie meeting between chet and devyn. shocker, they both want jobs in the entertainment industry. oh, okay - chet wants to show people that mormons have fun.

okay on to ryan and baya. coney island, cute. baya is a dancer, according to her. she seems kind of normal. ryan is cute. and i do like a military man. hmm, maybe ryan is only cute w/his hat on in retrospect. 

okay, sarah. yikes, w/the tattoos. that's cool, again i'm just a baby. and now here's JD from miami. is he the gay guy? oh, yeah he definitely is. aw, he trains dolphins and whales. how awesome. what a fun job. uh oh, sarah has a man at home who is "the one." poor guy - i'm willing to bet he doesn't make it through week 6. oh sarah has dated women before, that's interesting. and JD just revealed he's gay but i'd already figured that out. 

okay, this scott guy is a little too built for my taste. although i have to say i could see him totally loving agnes :) she's cute, tiny and blond and i bet muscle man would love that.

okay (and i realize i'm starting every sentence with okay - don't judge!) the house is freaking HUGE! that is ridic. i want to move to brooklyn and move there. except i think NYC is a little dirty and smelly in the summer. now i do wonder why they chose to have 8 people this season. maybe so there is the same number of dudes as women? 

um, seriously who decided to give brody jenner a show? good grief.

back to the show. devyn and chet have just gotten in to the house which is amazing - and they have rock band! yay! i love rock band! its going to be so sad how they destroy that beautiful house. the rooms are nice looking. chet says he thought that people would think he's gay but he's straight as an arrow. baya and ryan are approaching the house. she's doing a weird jump. wow, baya is little compared to devyn. and ryan thinks chet is gay. hilarious. muscle man and katelynn have arrived and are greeting everyone. devyn thinks scott is cute, interesting! so funniest line so far...ryan says about katelynn: "there's something definitely different about her"...lol. love it. ooh, they have the kind of home gym that i need. 

sarah and jd arrive and everyone is so confused about there being 8 people. i think sarah is adorable, it's official. 

so this is the roommate list: jd and sarah; devyn and katelynn; scott and baya; and ryan and chet. this oughta be interesting! uh oh, ryan has a girlfriend too. but he respects chet's virginity which i think it neat. 

ryan just asked if katelynn is transgendered. good instinct, buddy. run with that. ah, the ubiquitous hot tub scene. i wonder who will make out first. now the guys are discussing whether or not katelynn is transgendered, jd says he knew immediately. back to the hot tub, the girls are dying because scott has entered the hot tub and they are all horny apparently.

ryan is grossed out b/c katelynn has had a fivesome. hmmm, maybe i am, too. adam doesn't want to reveal his military past, which i think is interesting. i would think his roommmates would be supportive. we'll see when he tells them. 

the first excursion into the city seems cute pizza, wiffle ball in the street (who does that), hanging out at a club yelling "where brooklyn at" LOL. oh the club/bar. wow. devyn has really huge boobs. even i can't stop staring at them and boobs don't normally get my attention. uh oh. ryan is drunk. this can't end well. ooh he is not cute drunk. i love that jd says "i love ryan to death". um, you are so sweet, but you just met this guy! i think jd seems like a sweetie. ryan just "came out" to sarah. sarah seems like a great listener. i think she'll probably end up being the most normal person in the house. i bet she's great at her job at the crisis center. ryan says he writes to feel normal. hey buddy, i can understand that. i know i already said this but i am officially obsessed with sarah. what a sweet girl. smart, interesting and genuniely interested in her roommates, not just sleeping with them. i like it.

baya wants to know why ryan joined the military. she seems shocked at the idea. girl, pick your month up off the floor! ryan is singing a song for chet. cute, but i don't think i'm buying the single. now maybe i'll buy your book ryan, but not the cd. ooh, definitely not the cd. no offense :) haha, i do love the song about scott: let's work out. let's eat. scott ate some roast beef. LOL. i love it. wait! chet just said he thought scott was cute. now they are singing a song about how chet is gay and chet says he's not. this is actually a really funny scene. oh my. chet - just come out. save all the drama. 

aw, jd is taking katelynn to dinner. i adore him. oh, chet. you don't have gaydar because you are gay! i love how jd is taking up for katelynn. she clearly needs someone in her corner because she has some confidence issues. so scott says he's not going to share anything w/chet b/c chet has a big mouth. yes, indeed he does. he's very gossipy. oh and katelynn just told jd her "secret" even though its not a secret. aw. i hate seeing people cry. i'm glad they decided to do dinner, it's obviously beneficial for both of them. alright, so jd and sarah are my favorites in the house so far. i have to say it probably takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there on national television. so props to them. 

well, it looks like an interesting season. i'm excited. this will be the first season i've watched regularly in a long while. i hope it lives up  to my expectations!

the one where i am learning!

the Banker called me last night and left me a pretty nice, normal message. i didn't call back because i really just don't want to talk to him yet, you know? so i emailed him instead, saying i got his message, i'm doing well, and would be happy to do lunch sometime, but i'm quite busy this week. i also said to let me know what his schedule is, because i know he's in NYC quite frequently visiting his new girlfriend. :) he replied back that he would love to do lunch or dinner whenever i'm free. 

then this evening, i get a text message from him saying that he's downstairs at the wine loft and can he come up? i nearly choked upon reading that. seriously? did he really think i was going to be like, "yes, come on up. it'll be just like it used to be." YUCK. i told him i was busy, but i'd definitely take a raincheck. trust me, i know exactly what would have happened had he come up. it would have been all emotional, since we haven't seen each other in over a month and eventually we would've ended up hooking up and in the end, i'd feel like crap about the whole thing. i'm pretty pleased that i was able to avoid that disaster. 

the one about friends

today AHS said to me, "it was so sad to read your story about the Banker". honestly, i thought that was just the sweetest thing anyone could say about that whole situation. it made me think about all the wonderful people in my life. i'm happy that AHS is one of them. he's pretty awesome and gives me some great material to write about to boot :)

speaking of friends, i am headed to atlanta this weekend to celebrate a friend's birthday. it's going to be a little nuts, i'm predicting. a lot of ASC girls will be there including Agnes and Namesake (another fabulous college friend who happens to have the funniest dog in the world) who i have not seen since her fabulous trip around the world. so i'm really really excited. ha, we've had some good times. awhile back, we all went out and had a makeout contest. it was truly ridiculous. and even though Namesake tried to cheat and kiss a guy she KNEW i couldn't kiss (it was a friend who i adored, but i knew he had a crush on me so there was no way i could kiss him) i still won our little contest, i don't care what she says :)

in other news, i was reading this article about how ann coulter is talking trash about michelle obama in her new book (see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/03/ann-coulter-slams-michell_n_154947.html) and i swear, no matter your politics, doesn't that woman just SCREAM desperation?! she spews this liberal-hating venim which is so obviously an attempt to shock people into buying her books...and the sad thing is that it works. ugh, she truly disgusts me. she's just so full of shit. if she really felt the way she says she does, i doubt if she would've been able to date democrats in the past, as she has. i mean, i know plenty of people who date  people who's political beliefs don't match up with theirs, but this woman is constantly calling liberals/democrats/normal people idiots...and that's on one of her nice days.

oh! my favorite show is back! http://www.nbc.com/The_Biggest_Loser/ i freaking love this show! it's the best, feel good reality show out there. seriously, sometimes it brings tears to my eyes. this show saves peoples lives and i think that is an amazing thing. its so freaking inspiring. if you missed it, check it out next week!

the one about internet dating

so i'm curious. does anyone know anyone (personally, not one of those fairy tales, my friend's cousin's sister's brother's aunt stories) who has successfully used internet dating to meet someone? i see all these commercials and i guess it might work, but i don't personally know anyone (at least i don't think i do) who's used it to any success. i have some friends who've played around with it before, but lost interest i think. just curious.

in other news, i'm a little mad at AHS. okay not mad per se, but not happy. i called him on sunday to chat and never heard back from him. he sent me some message on FB like "saw you called, did you get some rest?" but never called me back. and then i called him today also and nothing! lame! he can't be my tour guide/new male BFF is he doesn't return calls. whatev. 

i'm stepping up the job search and am hopeful that i can find something soon. i'd like to be in dc permanently by the end of the month and i'd prefer to be in my own place, rather than the Parents.

i was watching The Bachelor this evening and it was ridiculous. then i watched The City (don't judge, i was bored) and was just appalled. all these women who are obsessed with finding a man. i just don't think men are constantly thinking about women the way we constantly think of them. i think for me the solution to avoiding this is to have a very full life when i move back to dc. LS BFF and i can finally work out together again! and i'm also onboard with a law school friend's plan to be more social. if AHS would get his act right, he and i could hang out some too :) i just like doing things and being out and being social. sitting at home all day exhausts me. although i enjoy a good round of crap reality television, obviously. 

so, back to my original question  - seriously, want do we think of internet dating? seems slightly sketchy but probably no more sketchy than meeting someone in a bar, right?

the one where i am back

 so today my dad, the Dog and i drove back down to bham. i'm going to continue my job search from here, at least through the end of the month. i do a lot of complaining about the Parents, but they are pretty awesome. not everyone's dad would drive 13 hours with them (and a hyper dachshund).  my dad is so cute -- he's like "you and your mom have to start getting along better". i'm like, we get along fine - as long as we're not under the same roof! he's right though, i mean my mom's a little crazy and i'm a little. but she's older so i guess that means i should be the one to bend. sigh. it could be much worse.

it's nice to be back in my space, in my own bed. although i love being at home (and will be back in 2 weeks for the inauguration), there's nothing like your own space. i think the Dog was happy to get home also. she likes routine and we've been on the go for the past few weeks, so it'll be nice to have some down time. 

it's weird, while i'm happy to be home, i'm kind of sad. obvi, it's always a wee bit sad leaving the Parents, but i'm also bummed i didn't get to see Brown after she announced that she and Peaches are engaged! such exciting news, i'm so thrilled for her! i also would have liked to say a proper goodbye to AHS. leaving today was kind of a last minute deal so i didn't get to do that, nor did i get to observe LS BFF's costa rica tan - which i'm sure she must have by now :) no fear, i'm back in like 2 weeks - then hopefully for good!

the one where i thought i was okay

i am tired of the Banker. i am tired of thinking about him, i am tired of writing about him and i am tired of talking about him. and i thought i was okay with everything that had happened and okay with where things are. which, by the way, is really nowhere. i thought i was fine.

then stupid facebook knocked me off my ass. i was signing on because i wanted to tell a friend thanks for something. and that stupid fucking newsfeed: [the Banker] has posted 4 photos. what?! the Banker doesn't even really like to take pictures nonetheless POST them online. but it was right there in front of my face. four pictures posted by the Banker. two pictures of him by himself, one picture of the girl he's seeing in NYC and one picture of the two of them together. and i wish i was lying when i said that my heart stopped a little bit and i had to put down the phone when i saw those pictures. for someone who has absolutely no pictures on FB its a pretty big freaking deal that he just put up 4 pictures. 

yes, i know that the end of the Banker and i was initiated by me and he just agreed to it. yes, i know that being with him was/is not what i need and/or want. but that does not mean that i want to see pictures of him w/his new girl splashed all over FB.

i really wish that seeing those pictures didn't fuck with my head. i really do. but i'd be lying if i said that. you never want someone to move on with someone new before you do. and it's not just that. there's all the other little things, the doubts and the worries (was he seeing here while we were dating? was he so agreeable to us stopping dating because of her? why in gods name would he even post those fucking pictures?) too. ugh. i know, i know. i blogged a couple of days ago about when carrie was obsessing over her breakup with big and her friends couldn't take it. i realize right this very second i am doing the same thing and y'all probably can't take it either. so that's why it goes here first. so it's nice and diluted and hopefully a little easier to take when it gets to y'all.

stupid stupid fucking FB. stupid stupid fucking Banker. stupid stupid head that is still connected to stupid stupid heart that still finds a way to have feelings for the Banker. 

i really really thought that i was ambivalent about the Banker. out of sight, out of mind right? and i guess it was pretty easy for me to put him to the back of my mind and not think about him since we haven't talked in awhile and i haven't seen him in over a month. but then there he is all over my FB homepage screaming in my fucking ear.

SHIT.